Mushtown Media Corp.

BATMAN FRIDAY

2012-02-10T01:31:00.000-08:00

Why We Love Detective Comics

ROBOT WHALES!

Not that there were a lot of them. But there was at least this one:

From Detective Comics #314.

There were probably more. In this one, Batman and Robin investigate a series of murders in "Movieland," which seems to be near Gotham City. There's a guy dressed up as a phantom. He's trying to kill a bunch of movie people for some reason. When Batman and Robin show up, he tries to stop them with movie-related items, such as the robot whale. And they stop him or something, quite possibly through some impossibly complicated ruse.

This was in 1963. They had been doing this stuff since 1938. It was way past time for somebody to say:

"Hey! Batman! Don't you know it's the Silver Age? Get a clue awready, Caped Crusader!"

Not that the Silver Age wasn't filled to the brim with dumb stuff. But it was different dumb stuff. Batman needed to get with it!

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2012-02-06T00:36:00.000-08:00

"Loch Lomond" by Annie Ross, from "Our Gang Follies of 1938."

"It Don't Mean a Thing" by Annie Ross. I think it's the same Annie Ross.

"American Idiot" by Green Day.

"First We Take Manhattan" by Leonard Cohen.

BATMAN FRIDAY

2012-02-02T01:35:00.000-08:00

Why We Love Detective Comics

The Ventriloquist and Scarface

Yes, it's true. One of Batman's villains is a ventriloquist's dummy.

The dummy's name is Scarface, and he's a real piece of work. He talks tough and he knows no mercy. He runs his gang with an iron hand. He knows what to do with snitches. (Kill 'em!) He knows what to do when other gangs roll onto his turf. (Bribe somebody at the local armory, get a tank ... and kill 'em!) He knows what to do with the Batman. (Kill 'im!)

His faithful assistant, The Ventriloquist, is always at his side. He takes a lot of grief from Scarface, who frequently yells at him and threatens to kill him, but The Ventriloquist and Scarface have been associates for a long time. The Ventriloquist has learned to put up with Scarface's abuse, and Scarface probaby realizes that he just couldn't get along without The Ventriloquist.

I picked up a few scattered issues of Detective Comics today, all from the late 1980s and early 1990s, and some of them weren't so great, but #642 is a real treasure. One of the things I love about Detective Comics is this: You got a pretty good chance of getting something good from any time period when you pick up a random issue of Detective. Some of them are pretty dumb, sometimes in a good way. Yes, there are some bad ones. But I know I can count on a lot more good comics as I keep collecting Detective Comics.

#642 is the middle story of a three-part opus. I do not have the other issues, but they will come to me in time. Right now, I'm perfectly content with just this issue.

Great art by Jim Aparo. He truly is one of the great Batman artists. I could just flip through this and only look at the art and not pay any attention to the story.

But I don't have to do that. The words are pretty good as well.

The story, by Alan Grant, is a very entertaining tragicomedy as Scarface, just out of prison, berates his old gang because they seem to be ready to give up crime and go straight. It's great, the way they all argue with Scarface instead of with The Ventriloquist. Scarface is the boss, dammit! And he's not putting up with this crap. He keeps the gang in line because he has a little machine gun, which he uses to blow one of the guys away! Just like that, everybody in Scarface's merry little band is ready for another go-round with Batman.

And The Ventriloquist, ironically, is not a very good ventriloquist. All Scarface's B's sound like G's. So the dialogue is stuff like this:

Call yourselves a ganga gig-time gad-guys? Look atcha! So help me, I seen meaner-lookin' gagies!

And this:

I ain't no glocka wood. I got da grains to take us places!

And this:

You getrayed me, old guddy. In my gook there's only one reward for traitors!

Detective #642 also has a very early Renee Montoya appearance. I think it's her second appearance overall and her very first appearance in Detective Comics!

Batman is in the book as well. But who cares? The Ventriloquist doesn't appear very often because he steals the show every time. Oh, sure, Bats can beat the snot out of a balding guy whose only weapon is a wooden puppet. But the reader quickly gets the idea that the Caped Crusader is just jealous that nobody is paying any attention to him because they all want to find out what's up with the puppet!

And that's why Scarface (and The Ventriloquist) are two more reasons why we love Detective Comics.

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2012-01-30T00:32:00.000-08:00

"My First Hardcore Song" by Juliet. Get your two-step on.

"Mack the Knife" by Ella Fitzgerald.

"Mack the Knife/Alabama Song" by The Doors. Live in Stockholm. Oh, don't ask why.

"September Song" by Lotte Lenya.

"Pirate Jenny" by Marianne Faithfull. That'll learn ya.

BATMAN FRIDAY

2012-01-20T00:33:00.000-08:00

Why we love Detective Comics

Nocturna

Well, Nocturna is one of the reasons that I love Detective Comics. Mileage may vary for other Batman fans.

Nocturna was a supporting character in the pages of "Batman" and "Detective Comics" in the 1980s. She was a romantic interest for both Batman and Bruce Wayne. And, much like Catwoman, Nocturna was sometimes an ally and sometimes a super-villainess in her own right.

She appeared on and off from her first appearance in Detective Comics #529 in 1983 until Batman #391 (with a cover date of January 1986), where she was stabbed by the Night Slayer (her former lover and partner-in-crime) and, as she was (presumably) bleeding to death, Robin put her a baloon and she floated away.

And she never came back.

And that was what made it SO AWSOME!

She was an astronomer named Natalia Knight. She had an accident or a disease or something that made her skin turn white and she was unable to withstand direct sunlight. So she becamse an astronomer and also, under cover of night, she also ran a little gang of thieves

Nocturna eventually ran into both Bruce Wayne and Batman. Batman suspected she was up to something, but he couldn't quite prove it. And a little later on, there was a subplot where Nocturna tried to get custody of Jason Todd, who had become Robin after his trapeze-artist parents were eaten by alligators. (Ah, the perils of a Gotham City childhood! The DC Universe probably has a reality show called "Growing Up Gotham." And it's absolutely horrible, but you can't look away.)

(This is sweet Jason Todd, not the evil Jason Todd who was beaten to death by the Joker and got better and became the Red Hood for some reason

The Batman comics in the 1980s were so much fun. There were only four! (In addition to "Batman" and Detective Comics, there was also World's Finest and The Brave and the Bold.) Continuity was pretty tight between Detective Comics and "Batman." (Not so much in the other two.) It was almost like a comic book that came out twice a month instead of two monthly comics

And with the addition of Nocturna, it was a giddy little soap opera. And a political thriller as well! The reason the city authorities were trying to take Jason Todd away from Bruce Wayne was politically motivated. You see, Bruce Wayne had supported Commissioner Gordon to stay on the job, defying the mayor (I think he was Mayor Hill), and the mayor use his pull with Child Welfare to get Jason Todd taken away from Wayne Manor.

And Jason went along with it! (You see, he had his own little plan to keep an eye on Nocturna in his Robin identity because he knew Batman suspected her of bring involved with a ring of thieves.)

And sometimes Catwoman showed up, more than a little suspicious of all the interest Batman was showing in Nocturna.

And then there was Vicki Vale, Bruce Wayne's girlfriend, who was a news photographer who was always snooping around and getting into dangerous situations

Oh, and Alfred's daughter, Maria Pennyworth, showed up and started hanging around Wayne Manor where she was always on the verge of finding out Bruce Wayne's secret.

Yeah, it was a glorious mess. Written by Doug Moench, with art by Gene Colan and Don Newton and, later, Pat Broderick, those years were the last gasp of the Bronze Age, the last days of the Batman before The Crisis on Infinite Earths changed everything

It was a lot of fun.

I have to say, I really miss Nocturna somtimes.

But at the same time, I hope they never bring her back.

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2012-01-16T00:29:00.000-08:00

"Running Up That Hill" by Kate Bush.

"No Rain" by Blind Melon.

"The Chauffer" by Duran Duran.

BATMAN FRIDAY

2012-01-13T00:35:00.000-08:00

Why We Love Detective Comics

The Monk
For this one we have to go back to the dawn of comic books. Almost.

To Detective Comics #31 in 1939, probably early in the summer, when comic books with a cover date of September 1939 could be purchased at a newsstand.

Yeah, this is one crazy comic book. I read a reprint of The Monk story in the 1970s and it had quite an effect. It was awesome.

As a matter of fact, it was so awesome, it bled into the next issue of Detective!

(Which, unfortunately, didn't have Batman on the cover. But isn't that some nice Fred Guardineer art anyway!)

Let's see. Where to begin. Batman runs into Julie Madison acting very strangely. She's Bruce Wayne's fiancee, you see, and it's quite out-of-character for her to be wandering the streets of Gotham City (the text says New York City) wearing a robe and saying things like, "I have been sent to you by the monster monk!" as she tries to attack and kill a man.

This is very early in Batman's career. It's the fifth appearance, so there's no Robin, no Alfred, no Bat-Cave. But he does have a batgyro and a batarang!

Julie goes to Hungary to recuperate or something and Batman follows in the batgyro. The Monk, a hooded vampire and werewolf, tries to get Julie on several occasions, but batman is always there to rescue her.

Stuff like this happens:

But finally, at the end of the second ten-page story, after fighting giant gorillas and escaping from death traps and evading the vampire's scantily clad accomplice and being cornered by werewolves and so on - you, know, the usual - Batman kills the monk with silver bullets and takes Julie back to Gotham or New York or wherever.

None of it makes any sense whatsoever.

It's just one more reason why we love Detective Comics.

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2012-01-09T01:21:00.000-08:00

"Don't Eat That Yellow Snow" by Frank Zappa.

"St. James Infirmary" by Cab Calloway.

"The Girl You Left Behind" by Blossom.

BATMAN FRIDAY

2012-01-06T00:39:00.000-08:00

Why We Love Detective Comics

Stories like "Die Small ... Die Big!"

This one is from Detective Comics #385, with a cover date of March 1969.

I have a copy of Detective Comics #385, but I first saw this story a long time ago, in the late 1970s. It was reprinted in Batman #257, which was published in 1974, but I bought it at a used bookstore a few years later.

Batman #257 is a great comic book, one of those 100-page giant that DC used to publish, with some crazy Bronze Age story along with a bunch of older stories, from the 1940 to the 1950s to the 1960s. Batman #257 has an insane Penguin story; a Joker story from the 1940s where they capture Batman and force Robin to pull off a bunch of crazy college initiation pranks in order to free the caped Crusader; an Alfred story (he had his own feature in the back of Batman comics in the 1940s); another crazy story called "Ally Bable and the Fourteen Peeves" about a guy named Ally Babble who is hired by an eccentric millionaire to take care of fourteen people who annoy him ... I'm going to make sure I didn't dream that last one because that summary looks awfully silly in print like that ...; a not-so-great story with great art by Gil Kane about a guy who gives Robin an awful beating and Batman has to track the guy down; and "Die Small ... Die Big."

The art in Detective Comics #385 is pretty awesome. "Die Small ... Die Big!" has art by Bob Brown. The backup Batgirl story has art by Gil Kane and Murphy Anderson. (And, yes, that's as awesome as it sounds.

"Die Small ... Die Big!" had quite an effect on me in my early teens. It doesn't have The Joker or The Riddler or anything like that. It's a more human story about one man's lonely existence and his efforts to use his dying moments to do some meaningful, like save Batman's life.

Herbert Small is dying. And no one will notice when he's gone. He's a mailman, with no family and no friends, he's just going to carry the mail until the end.

But at the end of a wild set of coincidences, he uncovers a plot to kill Batman. He has no idea how to warn Batman, so he leaves a mannequin at Wayne Manor with a note on it, warning of the plot. (I think he chose Wayne Manor because there was some kind of dinner there and Herbert Small knew Commissioner Gordon would be there.) The mannequin is a likeness of Batman and when the cowl is removed, Herbert Small's face is revealed. He has set himself up as bait for the conspiracy to kill Batman!

By the end of the 15-page tale, Herbert has drawn out the conspiracy and the bad guys show up to kill him. But the real Batman shows up and whomps on them. But Herbert manages to throw himself in front of one of the thugs and he takes a bullet meant for Batman. The Caped Crusader knocks the bad guy down and shows his face to the dying Herbert Small. Herbert dies, smiling, knowing that he has saved the life of Batman.

"He ... died ... happy," Batman says, a little choked up. "But Herbert Small didn't die ... small ... He died ... BIG!"

And in the final panel, you can see the tears running down his cheeks from under his cowl.

I didn't know comic books could be like this.

And that is one more reason why we love Detective Comics.

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2012-01-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

"When Yuba Plays the Rumba on the Tuba" by Rudy Vallee.

"San Francisco" by Judy Garland.

"San Francisco" by Jeanette MacDonald. This is from the 1936 movie of the same name. She sings it six times. And nobody ever complains.

"Donkey Serenade" by Allan Jones. He's singing to Jeanette MacDonald in the 1937 movie "The Firefly."

And here's Jeanette singing a little bit of opera business, from "Faust." The movie is "San Francisco."

I, THE AUDIENCE: Movies I saw in 2011

2012-01-01T00:08:00.000-08:00

THOSE SICILIAN WOMEN - Monica Vitti contemplates kicking your ass in the 1968 film "La ragazza con la pistola."

Here they are. All the films I saw in 2011. For the record, my favorite movie of 2011 was "The Rise of the Planet of the Apes."

Or maybe "The Cave of Forgotten Dreams."

Or "Hobo with a Shotgun." (It gets lots of extra points just for the title.)

1913-1920
1913 — The Drummer of the 8th * Grandad — 1914 — Kid’s Auto Races in Venice * Cruel, Cruel Love * Film Johnny — 1915 — A Night Out * Shanghaied * The Coward — 1916 — King Lear — 1917 — Easy Street — 1918 — Triple Trouble — 1919 — Broken Blossoms — 1920 — One Week * The Scarecrow * The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

1921-1930
1921 — The Three Musketeers — 1922 — The Paleface * Robin Hood — 1923 — The Hunchback of Notre Dame — 1924 — Aelita, Queen of Mars — 1925 — Go West — 1926 — Metropolis — 1927 — No Man’s Law * Dog Heaven — 1928 — The Farmer’s Wife * Spook Spoofing — 1929 — The Cocoanuts * Bulldog Drummond * Un Chien Andalou * Pandora’s Box — 1930 — Juno and the Paycock * School’s Out * A Tough Winter * Pups Is Pups * Teacher’s Pet * Murder!

1931-1940
1931 — Frankenstein * Love Business * Helping Grandma * Little Daddy * Bargain Day * Fly My Kite * Big Ears * Shiver My Timbers * Dogs Is Dogs * Cimarron — 1932 — Behind the Mask * Grand Hotel * The Man Who Played God * Freaks * Readin’ and Writin’ * Free Eats * Choo-Choo! * Spanky * The Pooch * Hook and Ladder * Free Wheeling * Birthday Blues * A Lad an’ His Lamp — 1933 — King Kong * The Death Kiss * The Kennel Murder Case * Fish Hooky * Forgotten Babies * The Kid from Borneo * Mush and Milk * Bedtime Worries * Wild Poses — 1934 — Maniac * Hi Neighbor * For Pete’s Sake * The First Round-Up * Honky Donkey * Mike Fright * Washee Ironee — 1935 — Bride of Frankenstein * Mad Love * The Mystery Man * Bulldog Jack * The Three Musketeers * The Clairvoyant * Mama’s Little Pirate * Shrimpe for a Day * Anniversary Trouble * Beginner’s Luck * Teacher’s Beau * Sprucin’ Up * Little Papa — 1936 — The Great Zigfeld * The Devil Doll * Banjo on My Knee — 1937 — Think Fast, Mr. Moto * Charlie Chan at the Olympics * Fishy Tales * Our Gang Follies of 1938 — 1938 — The Big Broadcast of 1938 * Violent Is the Word for Curly * A Christmas Carol * Bear Facts * Three Men in a Tub — 1939 — Made for Each Other * Son of Frankenstein — 1940 — The Bank Dick * The Grapes of Wrath * You Nazty Spy! * No Census, No Feeling * Road to Singapore

1941-1950
1941 — I Killed That Man * An Ache In Every Stake * Pot o’ Gold * How Green Was My Valley * Suspicion * The Black Cat * Man-Made Monster * Horror Island * The Devil Bat * Mr. and Mrs. Smith — 1942 — Bowery at Midnight * The Ghost of Frankenstein * The Living Ghost * Night Monster * The Corpse Vanishes * Yankee Doodle Dandy — 1943 — Mystery of the 13th Guest * Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man * Captive Wild Woman * Watch on the Rhine — 1944 — House of Frankenstein * The Return of the Ape Man — 1945 — The Scarlet Clue * Detour * The Vampire’s Ghost * Blithe Spirit — 1946 — Ziegfeld Follies * Duel in the Sun * Face of Marble — 1947 — Fear in the Night * Yankee Fakir — 1948 — Easter Parade — 1949 — Rope of Sand * All the King’s Men — 1950 — Union Station * Tripoli * La ronde

1941-1950
1951 — The Man in the White Suit * Royal Wedding — 1952 — The Stooge * Jumping Jacks — 1953 — The Wild One — 1954 — Knock on Wood * Ulysses — 1955 — Bride of the Monster * Tarantula * Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy — 1956 — The Mole People * The Killer Is Loose — 1957 — Desk Set * Crime of Passion * The Seventh Seal — 1958 — The Badlanders * The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy * Cop Hater — 1959 — The Man in the Net * The Last Mile — 1960 — Blood and Roses * The Virgin Spring * Brides of Dracula * Alakazam the Great * The Minotaur * The Young One

1961-1970
1961 — Atlas in the Land of the Cyclops * Curse of the Werewolf * Through a Glass Darkly * A Woman is a Woman * Yojimbo — 1962 — King Kong vs. Godzilla * Electra — 1963 — The Great Escape * Jason and the Argonauts — 1964 — The Umbrellas of Cherbourg * La ronde * Onibaba * The Secret Invasion — 1965 — Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors * Alphaville — 1966 — Torn Curtain * War of the Gargantuas * Fantastic Voyage * Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? — 1967 — Casino Royale * The Dirty Dozen * How I Won the War — 1968 — Single Room Furnished * Hour of the Wolf * La ragazza con la pistola (The Girl with the Pistol) * The Devil’d Brigade * Flickorna (The Girls) — 1969 — The Babysitter * True Grit * Midnight Cowboy * The Wild Bunch * Fellini Satyricon — 1970 — Girly * The Dunwich Horror * The Private Life of Sherlock of Sherlock Holmes * Dodes'ka-Den

1971-1980
1971 — The Trojan Women * Diamonds Are Forever * Even Dwarves Started Small — 1972 — Frogs * Man of La Mancha * The Great Northfield Minnesota Raid * Aguirre, the Wrath of God * Cabaret * The Ruling Class * Fata Morgana — 1973 — Lady Snowblood * Tom Sawyer * The Three Musketeers: The Queen’s Diamonds * Cleopatra Jones — 1974 — Vampyres * The Four Musketeers: Milady’s Revenge — 1975 — The Magic Flute * Seven Beauties — 1976 — The Food of the Gods * Family Plot — 1977 — Empire of the Ants * Annie Hall — 1978 — Inglorious Bastards — 1979 — Life of Brian * Van Nuys Blvd. — 1980 — How to Beat the High Cost of Living

1981-1990
1981 — Caveman * The Howling * Nighthawks * Polyester — 1982 — Blade Runner * Fitzcarraldo — 1983 — Women’s Prison Massacre * Warrior of the Lost World * Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence * Fire and Ice — 1984 — Where the Green Ants Dream * The Good Fight * Sheena — 1985 — Red Sonja — 1986 — Labyrinth — 1987 — Hamburger Hill — 1988 — Mujeres al borde de un ataque nerviosa (Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown) * Salome’s Last Dance — 1989 — Casualties of War * Tetsuo: The Iron Man — 1990 — The Sheltering Sky * La femme Nikita * I, the Worst of All

1991-2000
1991 — Naked Lunch * Slacker — 1992 — Full Contact — 1993 — Robin Hood: Men in Tights * The Eagle-Shooting Heroes * Demolition Man — 1994 — Pulp Fiction — 1995 — Tank Girl — 1996 — Emma * From Dusk Till Dawn * Fire — 1997 — Anaconda — 1998 — The Big Lebowski — 1999 — Office Space — 2000 — Supernova * Beat * Best in Show

2001-2010
2001 — Mulholland Dr. * Original Sin * Scary Movie 2 * A Beautiful Mind — 2002 — Blue Crush * Habla con ella (Talk to Her) — 2003 — Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter … and Spring * Whale Rider * A Mighty Wind — 2004 — Million Dollar Baby * Hotel Rwanda * Incident at Loch Ness * A Dirty Shame — 2005 — Crash * Wolf Creek * Princess Raccoon — 2006 — Feast * Letters from Iwo Jima * Shut Up and Sing * Children of Men * John Waters: This Filthy World * For Your Consideration — 2007 — Into the Wild * Persepolis * There Will Be Blood * The Bourne Ultimatum * Helvetica * The Diving Bell and the Butterfly * Encounters at the End of the World * Boot Camp — 2008 — Slumdog Millionaire * The Wrestler * The Spirit * Wanted * Ip Man * Not Quite Hollywood — 2009 — The Secret in Their Eyes * Los Abrazos Rotos (Broken Embraces) * Inglourious Basterds * Rampage * The Hurt Locker * The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans — 2010 — True Grit * Shutter Island * The King’s Speech * Howl * 127 Hours * Kick-Ass * The Fighter * Tangled* Room in Rome * Resident Evil: Afterlife * William S. Burroughs: The Man Within * The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! * American Grindhouse * Rubber * The Killer Inside Me * Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief * The Final Girl * Iron Man 2 * A bout portant (Point Blank)

2011-2020
2011 — The Green Hornet * Battle Los Angeles * Sucker Punch * Hanna * Your Highness * Thor * Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides * Bridesmaids * X-Men: First Class * Green Lantern * Horrible Bosses * Captain America: The First Avenger * The Rise of the Planet of the Apes * The Cave of Forgotten Dreams * Rio * Hobo with a Shotgun * The Three Musketeers * Super 8 * Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part II

BATMAN FRIDAY

2011-12-30T21:46:00.000-08:00

Why We Love Detective Comics

"Pipeline"

It doesn't always have to be about Batman. The Caped Crusader is, by far, the most popular character who ever had a regular series in Detective Comics, but he has shared these pages with more than a few worthy heroes. Like Pow-Wow Smith. Or Roy Raymond: TV Detective.

A little more recently, Detective Comics was home to a back-up series that featured The Question. Not the dude from the 1960s who was the basis for Rorschach in "Watchmen." That dude died. But before he died, he trained a successor.

Meet the new Question:

She's Renee Montoya, who was a supporting character in Batman and Detective Comics and various Batman-related series for a long time. I think she goes back to about 1990. Maybe a little earlier even. She was a policewoman with the G.C.P.D. A fan favorite for a long time.

When I started reading comics again after a long hiatus (6 or 7 years), I found that much had changed. Renee Montoya had, at some point, fallen on hard times, been kicked off the force, and had become an alcoholic. But the old Question took her in and gave her life meaning again. (Or something. I haven't read any of these comics. I pieced it together mostly from the backs of sugar packets.)

So she appeared in the back of Detective Comics #854 to #865. (Most of these issues feature, as the main story, the glorious return of Batwoman. So it is very much worth it to track these down. These are some good comics.) The story is called "Pipeline" and Renee Montoya, as The Question, folows the clues and stumbles on a gang of criminals who kidnap women for use as sex slaves. The Question takes on a number of tough customers, tracing the ultimate source of the slave pipeline. She joins forces with The Huntress about halfway through. Oracle (Barbara Gordon) shows up in one issue. And at the end, they meet up with a very unexpected (but very welcome) villain. Somebody who's been around for a long time. A very long time. A very, very long time.

(But I won't say who. I didn't know until I read the issue. It was so cool. It's so nice not to have EVERYTHING spoiled by my constant dicking around on the Internet.)

Great art. Great writing. Everybody is acting in character. Action Suspense. Exotic locales. People getting beat up. The Question and The Huntress in peril! Constantly! How will they get out of this!

"Pipeline" is one more reason why we love Detective Comics.

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2011-12-26T01:02:00.000-08:00

Boxing Day Edition

"Little Drummer Boy" by Joan Jett.

"Mi Burrito Sabanero".

"Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!" by Charlotte Church.

"Good King Wenceslas" by Bing Crosby.

"Little Drummer Boy" by Johnny Cash.

BATMAN FRIDAY

2011-12-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

Why we love Detective Comics

Stories like "How to Be the Batman!"

This a great Batman story from Detective Comics #190 from 1952.

I don't have a copy of Detective Comics #190. I wish I did. "How to Be the Batman" was reprinted in the Giant Batman Annual #1 in 1961 along with a bunch of other Batman stories that appeared in the late 1940s and early 1950s.

I don't have the Giant Batman Annual #1 either. I have a 1999 replica edition.

The first Batman annual is a lot of fun. It's labeled "1,001 Secrets of Batman and Robin." So there's a story about the origin of the Bat-Cave and one about the secrets of the Bat-Signal and another about where all those silly costumes come from.

But "How to Be the Batman" is the best of the lot. It was probably originally intended as a way to tell the origin story once again, to bring new readers up to date, but in the context of a story where it made sense to go over it again so that longtine readers wouldn't go "Not this again!"

Batman and Robin are on the trail of a criminal psychologist. He has a gang and he uses psychology in the course of each robbery, trying to outwit the police and the Dynamic Duo. During one encounter, Batman suddenly can't remember anything. He has amnesia!

This prompts Robin to tell the origin of Batman to Batman, hoping that will make him remember. It doesn't work. Robin has to retrain Bruce Wayne, telling him the secrets of the Bat-Cave, teaching him how to throw a punch and how to swing on a line above the city, and all that super-hero stuff.

The best thing about the story is Batman - stricken with amnesia - as he reacts to all this crazy stuff that Robin is telling him. Robin takes him to the Bat-cave and says:

See, the Batplane that you designed! And beyond it is our laboratory!

To which Batman responds:

It's all new to me! Are you sure I'm this - what did you call him - Batman?

Then Robin shows him the trophy room, you know, with the giant penny and the dinosaur robot? And Batman, quite logically, asks:

They're weird, but they don't mean anything to me. What am I, anyway - a museum collector, or what?

When Robin shows him the interior of Bruce Wayne's manor - stately, elegant and, quite frankly, a little ostentatious - amnesiac Batman says:

It doesn't make sense! If I'm a millionaire, why am I secretly a detective?

Of course, it all works out in the end. Before he got amnesia, Batman had made a few notes after studying blood samples from an amnesiac night watchman who had earlier been a victim of the gang. Robin and Batman take a chance on mixing up a cure from the notes.

But what I really love about the story is Batman's reaction to his own origin when he comes at it from a more objective perspective. It really doesn't make any sense to him. He seems more like a character from the real world who's been thrown into a comic-book world, someone who's not yet been inextricably trapped into automatically accepting a bunch of comic book hoohah that really doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
There's a metaphysical component that I find irresistible. Amnesiac Batman never quite says, "This is just silly," but he just about gets there. You can almost hear a little contempt in his exasperating questions.

I found one source that says Bill Finger wrote this. (It frequently gets an "author unknown" label, however.) I really have no idea if this story has the trademarks of a Bill Finger story ot not, but Finger had been with Batman from the very beginning and I can easily see Finger (or whoever) using amnesiac Batman to make some meta-comments on super-heroing and super-hero comics.

Comics are frequently silly. And I think the writer of "How to Be the Batman" very possibly knew exactly what he was writing here. But he knew if he tried to write something as obvious as some of the stuff that Grant Morrison can write rather brazenly in today's comics, he knew it wouldn't fly.

And in the way it's presented, it's a much better story anyway.

And that's one more reason we love Detective Comics: Subtle meta-commmentary on the comics in stories from 1952.

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2011-12-19T00:29:00.000-08:00

"Falling Down" by Scarlett Johansson.

"Sloop John B" by the Beach Boys.

"Sloop John B" by Johnny Cash.

"Be My Baby" by the Wonder Girls.

"Green Onions" by the 5, 6, 7, 8's.

BATMAN FRIDAY

2011-12-16T00:19:00.000-08:00

Why We Love Detective Comics
Gene Colan drawing Barbara Gordon

Gene Colan drew Detective Comics and the Batman comic books for a while in the 1980s and during that time period, I started reading the Batman books on a semi-regular basis for the first time since I had started collecting comics in 1975. I had never been much of a fan of DC comics - although I did buy every issue of The Secret Society of Super-Villains - but for some reason, starting with Detective #512 and Batman #345, I started collecting Batman's adventures.

This was the period where the continuity was pretty tight between the two books, with stories starting in Detective and concluding in Batman (or vice versa) just two weeks later. And I think I may have started buying Batman because of Gene Colan, whose work I knew from Daredevil and old issues of Iron Man.

I was looking through these old issues of Detective and Batman lately and I noticed Barbara Gordon. (Not the page shown above. I couldn't find the page I was looking at.) I didn't remember Barbara Gordon even being in these comics. (Except in the backup features in the back of Dectective. About which I plan to write more at a later date.) I didn't care too much about Batgirl, to tell the truth. Or Barbara Gordon.

But there's a lot of water gone under the bridge since then. A lot has happened to Barbara Gordon. So much has happened to Barabara that she is back to being Batgirl!

And I care about Barbara Gordon now. And I'm kind of mad at myself that I paid so little attention to her back then. And there she is, drawn by Gene Colan, and he's such an awesome artist, and still very much at the peak of his artistic powers in the 1980s that these renderings of Barbara Gordon are SWEET!

Hey there, 1980s Barbara Gordon. Long time no see. Sorry I didn't notice you the first time through. I guess I was being kind of a douche.

TEST TUBE'S REVENGE

2011-12-14T20:11:00.000-08:00

(The following selection is the final chapter of "Terror Creek," a Captain Valhalla adventure from the September 1946 issue of Captain Valhalla magazine.)

Chapter XVII

TEST TUBE’S REVENGE

The one they called Big Ben looked over the edge of the cliff as he breathed heavily and fingered his pistol.

"No sign of the monkey," he said. "I couldn’t tell if any of the bullets got him, but if not, the fall certainly did."

"He ain’t no monkey," Red muttered. "He’s a dang gorilla."

"Aw, he isn’t so big. He’s a runt baboon,” Big Ben muttered. “He only comes up to your knees.”

"He’s bigger than that," Red said. "I bet he weighs close to 300 pounds. And he’s pretty smart. He understands everything those guys say, even when they’re talking in that ancient Babylon language."

One of the other toughs started to argue with Red but Big Ben interrupted. "Shut up! None of that matters. We saw the plane crash. That took care of the Steel Captain and two of his helpers. The boys in Kansas City took car of the skinny guy. We killed Simian Sam Jones last night and had his pet pig for breakfast this morning."

He stopped and looked over at two of the members of the gang who were looking up from a motionless figure.

"How’s Diamond Jim doing?" Big Ben asked.

"He’s dead, boss," said the one called Drake. "One of our bullets got him right in the heart."

Big Ben nodded. "That takes care of Porky Lodge, the greatest lawyer in the U.S. Now he’s the greatest lawyer in Hell, so who cares about his pet baboon even if he did survive that fall off the cliff? We got work to do and a dam to blow up. And nobody’s left to stop us."

He pointed at the body of Porky. "Duke, Weepy, take him under those trees and cover him with leaves and brush. The rest of you come with me."

As the others followed Ben to the camp, Red hesitated by the cliff and listened nervously. After a moment, he shook his head worriedly and rushed to catch up with the others.

***

If he had waited a few minutes, Red might have noticed some rustling and scrambling and pebbles falling. If he had listened closely and blocked out all the noise ― the wind, the rushing water of the nearby falls, the noises from the camp ― Red might have detected the ape’s careful progress up the cliff.

Probably not. Test Tube could be very quiet when quiet was needed.

When he was certain that no one was around, Test Tube scrambled on two short-but-not-too-short legs along the edge of the clearing. He quickly found the spot where the graveyard detail had hastily buried Porky Lodge under a pile of dry leaves and brush.
Test Tube crept up on Porky’s body very slowly; perhaps, like a human, he was hoping the apparition of his longtime friend, lifeless and abandoned, would disappear before he could touch it. Test Tube held his eyes tightly closed long enough for a few deep breaths.

But it was no use. When he opened his eyes, Porky’s body was still there.

Test Tube finally gathered the strength of will to reach out and touch the corpse with the tip of his finger, then with his whole hand. He carefully brushed the plant matter from Porky’s staring face and scooted closer to look into the dead eyes of his friend.

He pushed the corpse’s shoulder and slapped the pale face, and still there was no sign of life. He chirped at Porky, trying to get him to wake up and come along for the final scuffle with the bad humans. They had caused a lot of trouble and killed a lot of people. They had also eaten Deposition, Simian Sam’s pet pig. They would have to be punished.

Finally, Test Tube realized he would have to do the punishing himself. Alone.

***

Test Tube expressed his grief with a powerful shriek, loud and shrill and heart-stopping to all those within earshot possessing guilty souls.

Test Tube stopped and, panting, crouched behind Porky’s corpse and listened. He realized the noise might bring his enemies out of their tents and cabins and away from their duties.

But nothing happened. Complete silence reigned, a fearful silence, as if all Nature was showing respect for the grief of the strange, sorrowful creature. Test Tube could hear nothing but his own breathing and, far below, the rushing water of the river.

Soon, the bad men recovered some of their courage. The simian could hear them muttering as they rummaged around for their weapons and flashlights.

Perhaps it was time to go, Test Tube thought. He took one last look at Porky’s white face and he remembered the first time he saw his longtime human companion, in the Golden Swamp region of eastern Cuba. Test Tube had felt an uncontrollable urge to befriend the pathetic hairless animal, bringing him nuts and showing him the way to water. And Porky had responded and shown him how to smile and had taken Test Tube around the world on dozens of amazing adventures.

And now he was dead, killed by the bad men.

Test Tube let loose with another forlorn and eerie shriek, again frightening the bad men into silence.

Again the stillness reigned in the pine forest. The only sound, slight as it was, emanated from Test Tube as he scampered farther into the woods and disappeared among the trees.

***

"What’s everybody standing around for?" Big Ben wanted to know. "That little ape is alive, and he’s over by the body of that shyster. If we hurry, we can get him."

The men looked at each other a little nervously. Finally, Red spoke up.

"What can he do, boss? What’s the big deal? Seems kind of silly to go runnin’ around in the woods after some dead lawyer’s pet when we got real work to do. Besides, he ain’t that little," Red concluded.

"And I don’t see you busting your butt to get out there after that ape," Drake snorted.

Big Ben glared and took a deep breath. He removed his pistol from its holster and slowly pointed it to the side, in the direction of the shrieking they had heard. He didn’t aim it at anybody; he didn’t need to. The look on his face and his tight grip on the weapon showed them he meant business.

"It’s a little loose end we need to take care of," he growled. "We’re all going to take a little break and go hunting. We’re going to get that little baboon."

They all grabbed their weapons and hurried off in the direction of Porky Lodge’s body.

"He ain’t so little," Red muttered.

***

Drake was the first to feel the effects of Test Tube’s wrath. The ape dropped on him from above, knocked him to the ground, and chewed off a large piece of his face. Drake managed to get back to his feet and managed to scream, "Get him off me! Oh, God, get him off me!"

He had taken a few tentative, almost nerveless steps when one of the younger members of the gang, a bit nervous and a little trigger-happy, aimed and fired several times in Drake’s general direction.

Test Tube was nowhere to be seen. But a couple of the bad men got to see Drake spit up a gallon of blood as he expired.

Baby, the one who had killed Drake, gulped.

"I guess we’d better be a little more careful from now on, huh?" he said.

"I’d say so," Big Ben grumbled. He looked like he was thinking of shooting Baby.

Red probably saved Baby’s life when he said, "That ape is still out here, guys. Maybe we should go back to the cabin where we can come up with a better plan, one where we’re not shooting each other."

"Yeah," Baby said. "We need another plan."

"That ain’t all we need," Big Ben said grimly as he led them out of the forest.

***

Baby had his guts torn out about fifteen minutes later, while the gang was finalizing their revised plan to get Test Tube.

They wouldn’t let Baby take a leak in the cabin. He didn’t go far, just around the corner ― it really wasn’t much more than a fancy shed ― to the side of the cabin that didn’t have a window.

Big Ben could hear Baby and knew he hadn’t gone very far. "When I get hold of him …," Big Ben muttered. He didn’t finish because Baby started screaming.

They all listened for a few seconds that seemed like an eternity. Big Ben quickly regained his nerve.

"That ape’s right out there!" he shouted. "He’s a sitting duck! Somebody just needs to go out and shoot him! A piece of cake!"

They looked around nervously, at each other and at Big Ben.

"You go out and shoot him," somebody mumbled.

"Fine!" Big Ben shouted, grabbing a flashlight and pulling his weapon from its holster. "I’ll get that monkey. And then I’ll come back in here and shoot everybody that doesn’t come with me and help!"

***

In less than an hour, the gang ― what was left of it ― was back in the cabin, huddled in the center of the single room with their weapons aimed at the door or one of the windows or the fireplace or the loose place in the roof that ― according to one of the bad men ― the monkey could probably squeeze through if it had half a mind to.

"The ape is too big for that space," Big Ben growled. He was a little pale, Red noticed. And he had quit saying "monkey" when referring to the primate that was terrorizing them.

Several of the bad men nursed bite and claw wounds on their arms and shoulders. Another had been shot in the leg in the confusion.

Two others had been left for dead in the darkness, one after a shotgun blast to the chest, the other ― they weren’t sure what had happened to him. Every time they were sure he was dead, he would scream again. It was usually nothing more than fear-stricken gibberish. But at times, it sounded like "Help me!" or "God help me!" or "Why doesn’t it stop?!"

This went on at intervals until an hour before dawn.

"We’re going to leave that ape alone," Big Ben had muttered when they retreated to the cabin. "We’ll be out of here tomorrow. We’ll just leave that ape here to die." He looked around the room. “We’ve barely got enough men to do the job now!"

"Wuh – what time does the dynamite get here?" Chattanooga asked. He wasn’t from Chattanooga. He was from Queens. But he frequently hummed "The Chattanooga Choo-Choo" and it had become his nickname.

'It’s supposed to be here about 8 a.m.," Big Ben said. "In a truck marked ‘Sunlight Industries.’ Enough explosives to take out the Harrison Lake Dam, wash away the mining town and give the boys up north time to finish their little project before anybody gets wise."

There was thumping on the roof, like naked feet scampering across the shingles, followed by a thud on the ground next to the wall that didn’t have a door or window.

"He heard us!" Red shouted. "He knows all our plans!"
Big Ben stomped out the door and fired uselessly into the darkness.
"Damned ape," he grumbled. "I can’t see a thing."

***

Grant Woodbridge swore under his breath because he was running late. He wasn’t running terribly late, but he knew the people he was dealing with wouldn’t like it.

"I’ll just tell them I had to be careful with a truck full of explosives on these awful logging roads," he said to himself. 'They can’t argue with that."

He slowed down even more as he looked at the short message he had written in blue ink on the palm of his left hand. (Woodbridge thought this a good way to keep track of instructions or directions because you could just spit on it and rub it away, a good method for getting rid of incriminating evidence if the bulls got involved in one way or another.)

"They said to go two miles down this road to find the trail leading to the left, toward the river," he said out loud. "There it is!"

Woodbridge guided the truck onto a damp trail ― barely wide enough for the vehicle ― with a strip of bright green grass running down the middle. He drove slowly, careful of the ruts and bumps in the trail, worried about those spots where the trees grew right next to the path. In places, it was hard to see because the leafy boughs stuck out over the roadway.

"They’re paying plenty for this," Woodbridge said to himself. He sighed with weariness. "I’ll be glad when it’s over."

It was over for Grant Woodbridge a few minutes after that. Truth be told, he probably wasn’t very glad.

Something thumped on the top of the truck’s cab. Woodbridge, afraid that he had hit a low-hanging branch, stopped the truck to take a look at the damage. He never had a chance to open the door as Test Tube flew through the open window on the passenger side and threw himself on the unsuspecting truck driver.

Test Tube crouched over the body, breathing heavily, for a time. He started at the dashboard and at the pedals on the floor and at the steering wheel.

It had been some time since there had been any reason for him to operate a motor vehicle. His mind went back to that hilly city on the windy peninsula when he had saved Mikey Michaels and Skinny Kosterman and Frowner Sullivan by stealing an ambulance and driving it through a garage door.

He unceremoniously pushed Woodbridge’s body out the door and seated himself comfortably as he shifted from neutral to first gear and placed his hands at the "10" and "2" position on the steering wheel.

***

The bad men had left the cabin, but they made sure to keep their distance from the trees as, weapons ready, they carefully scanned the edges of the clearing for any sign of Test Tube.

Big Ben looked at his watch. "They’re late," he grumbled.

"Maybe we should go meet the truck," Red said timidly. "We’d get out of here quicker."

"That trail’s pretty narrow," said one of the bad men. "I sure wouldn’t want to walk down it, less than the length of a monkey’s arm from the forest."

Big Ben almost hissed at him to shut up but he stopped when he thought he heard an engine.

"Do you guys hear that?" he said.

"Yeah! That’s the truck!" someone said.

"Praise the Lord!" another shouted.

In less than a minute, the truck poked out of the forest, traveling from the logging trail into the clearing as it sloped down in the direction of the cabin and toward the cliff.

"About time," Big Ben muttered.

"Hey, Ben," Red said. "He’s coming a little faster now that he’s in the clearing."

"You’re right,' Big Ben said. "Hey, slow down, stupid!" he shouted, running forward as he waved his arms.

The truck was coming at them pretty quickly now. The door on the driver’s side opened and something dropped to the ground. It all happened too quickly for anyone to tell what it was in the seconds of life remaining to them.

By the time most of the bad men realized that something was dreadfully wrong with the truck, it was too late to do very much. Big Ben cursed as he got off a couple of shots into the cab. Some of the men just stared dumbly. A few of them ran away from the cabin, getting a little distance between themselves and the explosion. They died, just like the others, but at least their bodies weren’t as badly mangled.

Test Tube watched from behind an old stump as the truck zoomed right over Big Ben and crashed into the little cabin. The blast shook the mountainside and deafened Test Tube for a few hours. The truck didn’t quite disappear, but it was scarcely recognizable in its new form as a few charred bits of twisted metal.

A smoldering crater decorated the center of the clearing where the cabin had been. The federal authorities who had jurisdiction over the site would eventually identify the remains of eight men killed in the blast. (This was in addition to several others who had been killed by various methods in the recent past, most of which had been dragged to the edge of the clearing.)

***

Several hours later, the authorities had arrived and set up shop. They would be trying to figure out what had happened for a long time. Some of it would always be a mystery.

A tall, steel-haired woman showed up at the site of the carnage, escorted by a couple of very solicitous state troopers. It was easy to see why they were being so solicitous. She was very well put together. You could see that, despite the way she was bundled up for warmth against the unseasonal chill in the early autumn air.

Even the grayish tinge to her hair didn’t detract from her beauty. It wasn’t really gray at all, more of a silver or steel color. It was a trait she shared with her famous uncle, Captain Valhalla. The unusual color of her hair didn’t make her look old, not at all. It just made her different. Her steel hair gave her a hint of mystery that many men found quite intriguing.

One of the troopers introduced her to Mr. Cooper, the agent in charge of the investigation.

"This is Jessica Valhalla," the trooper said. "She’s Quentin Valhalla’s niece, the only one of his associates we could get hold of."

Jessica Valhalla suppressed a hint of a smile as she thought about what her uncle would think if he had heard the trooper calling her one of his "associates." Captain Valhalla did everything he could think of to keep her from participating in his exploits.

"How is Quentin?" she asked. "Has anything happened to him?"

"We don’t know anything about Captain Valhalla and the others, Miss Valhalla," Mr. Cooper said.

"Call me Jess," she smiled. "Everyone does."

He sighed. "You want it straight, Miss Valhalla? From what I’ve heard, you’re the type who can take it."

She nodded grimly. "Don’t hold anything back. The quicker you tell me what’s happened, the quicker I can start doing something about it."

"We think one of the dead men here is William Rutledge Lodge," he said quietly.
"Porky!" she gasped. 'No, it can’t be!"

***

After Jess had identified the body of Porky Lodge, one of the troopers escorted her back to her pink Studebaker. Suddenly, Test Tube came bouncing out of the bush.

The trooper raised his pistol but Jess told him there was no danger and she added what she would do to him if he hurt Test Tube.

Jess almost fell when the ape jumped into her arms and pressed his face into her neck.

"Test Tube!" she cried. "So good to see you! I thought you were dead!"

He whimpered into her shoulder. Jess thought for a moment that he was crying.

Then she noticed how bloody he was.

"Test Tube! You’re a mess," she said. "You’ve got dried blood all over you."

She didn’t put him down. But she did sit on a stump to transfer some of his weight onto her legs.

Jess looked around at all the government agents in the clearing, at the tarpaulins covering the bodies, at the giant crater, at the metal debris that used to be a truck.

Then she looked at the simian she was embracing.

"Test Tube," she said. "You naughty boy. Did you do this?"

Test Tube didn’t respond. He had fallen asleep in her lap.

The trooper grinned. "That monk don’t look big enough to steer a truck full of explosives into a shed," he said.

Jess smiled. "He’s bigger than he looks sometimes," she said. "Come on, Test Tube, let’s get you cleaned up and then we’ll go and find out what happened to Uncle Quentin and the others."

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2011-12-12T00:29:00.000-08:00

Beatles covers!

"A Hard Day's Night" by Mrs. Miller.

"Eleanor Rigby."

"I Am the Walrus" by Frank Zappa.

"Rocky Raccoon" by Lena Horne. As awesome as it sounds.

Oh! This is so cool! "Eleanor Rigby" by Booker T. and the MGs.

A slightly different kind of Beatles cover. "Memphis."

BATMAN FRIDAY

2011-12-09T01:31:00.000-08:00

Why We Love Detective Comics

Laughing Fish

In some circles, laughing fish are a big deal. It was a story in Detective Comics #475 and #476. And it had the Joker and he put a chemical or something in Gotham harbor and it somehow gave Joker-faces to all the fish. And the Joker thought that somehow, he would get a royalty on all the fish sandwiches and every seafood dish served in any restaurant because the fish all had Joker-faces.

Or something. Maybe you had to be there in 1978 to really get how cool this story was.

It had writing by Steve Englehart. It had art by Marshall Rogers. It had inking by Terry Austin.

It had Silver St. Cloud, Rupert Thorne and the ghost of Hugo Strange.

It had a cat with the Joker's face because it had eaten one of the Joker fish.

And it had this bit:

The Joker pushes one of his henchmen in front of a truck. That was Blue Eyes. He was from the Joker's own comic book, which had only been canceled a few months previously. The other two henchmen, looking on in fear and possibly consider a career change, were also in the series. I love the old Joker comic book. And I remember how nice it was to see Southpaw and Tooth and Blue Eyes. Even if it was probably the last time for Blue Eyes

If the cover looks kind of familiar, it might be because it was in the recent movie "Super 8." It was hanging on the wall in the room of the main kid.

Which is kind of cool. "Super 8" is cool because it has this comic book in it. But "The Laughing Fish" does not really need to be in a summer blockbuster to be more cool than it already is.

Note: Jerry Robinson died Wednesday at the age of 89. He was one of those eager young creative minds that worked on early Batman comic books and he is often cited as the creator of the Joker.

I never met him, but I did get to see him on a Batman panel at the San Diego Comic-Con in 2009. It was awesome. He was with Lew Sayre Schwarz and Sheldon Moldoff and they all talked about the early days of Batman and what a colossal jerk Bob Kane was. It was great.

I'm certainly glad I got to see that.

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2011-12-05T00:56:00.000-08:00

"Pirate Jenny" by Nina Simone.

"Subterranean Homesick Blues" by Ken Bishop's Nice Twelve.

"Cities in Dust" by Siouxsie and the Banshees.

"Frank's Wild Years" by Tom Waits.

"You Only Live Twice" by Nancy Sinatra.

BATMAN THURSDAY

2011-12-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

Why we love Detective Comics

Stephanie Brown.

Stephanie Brown was the daughter of the Cluemaster, a Batman villain who could be called a second-rater if one were inclined to be charitable. Stephanie had quite a chip on her shoulder. She oozed attitude, full of anger at the world because of her disreputable, absentee father, and she always had something to prove. She was the Spolier, then she was Robin, then she died. Then she got better and got to be Batgirl for a while.

(I have no idea what she is doing today in the world of "The New 52.")

She didn't really have that much to do with Detective Comics. Stephanie was in a bunch of issues of Robin, and she had her own comic (recently defunct) when she took over the guise of Batgirl.

But when she was Robin, she made an appearance in Detective Comics #796 in a story that, for me, was a high point of the series for that time period.

I have been buying Detective Comics on and off since the late 1970s. About the time "Knightfall" began, I started buying Detective regularly and I didn't miss an issue (well, maybe one or two) for almost 11 years. Through thick and thin, through good and bad, I picked up Detective Comics on a regular basis from #658 to #786. And then I stopped. I got pretty darn busy, working on my bachelor's degree and then on my master's, and eventually I guess I realized I wasn't really paying that much attention to the issues of Detective I was purchasing, so I just didn't buy any more issues after #786.

But I did buy #796. I was probably walking by the newsstand in Hollywood, on my way to the bank or the library or something, and I thought I'd look at what was going on in Detective Comics.

Glancing through it, I was probably very pleasantly surprised. Nice art. Stephanie Brown - who I remembered fondly from the Robin series - was the new Robin. And the villain was Szasz, a very creepy serial killer who I thought was used very effectively in "Knightfall." Szasz preys on young women, and when he kills them - a task that he carries out relentlessly and efficiently - he cuts a tally mark on his own skin.

Or as Bats describes it:

"He keeps score, carving a mark into his own flesh with each kill."

To which Stephanie responds:

"Gross."

That's our Stephanie. No "Holy Self-Mutilation, Batman!" exclamations from her.

Once Batman figures out that Szasz is the perp, he tries to talk Stephanie into removing herself from the rest of the case. She fits the profile for Szasz's victims too well and she's pretty new at this kind of thing. Stephanie's not having it.

"Hey, look! I'm not gonna learn anything if you keep protecting me."

Fair enough.

Batman gives in, but he makes her wear extra body armor.

They catch up with Szasz in the subway, and the big conclusion is exciting, suspenseful, bloody and very well-written. At the very end, Batman and Stephanie discuss her mistakes, and the whole exercise looks like an excellent start to a new era for Batman. (It looked like that to me, anyway.)

I did not start buying Detective again, however. I picked up a few issues over the next few years, but it wasn't until quite recently that I started buying Detective again.

But here's what happened to Stephanie:

Immediately after the issue discussed above, all the Bat-titles were engulfed by another one of those multi-issue, multi-title cross-overs. It was called "War Games," and, over the following three or four months, the continuity went from "Batman" to "Robin" to "Legends of the Dark Knight" to "Detective Comics" to "Catwoman" to I-don't-know-what-all. At some point, Stephanie got fired from being Robin, but she decided to act on her own to show Batman how helpful she could be. Stephanie was captured and tortured by the villain known as Black Mask and she later died in the hospital.

I wasn't reading the Bat-titles at the time and I didn't know of Stephanie's death until much later. I would have been kind of pissed off had I read it at the time. But I do have to admit, it sounds like something Stephanie would do. I can easily see her getting in over her head like that and paying the ultimate consequence.

But did she really die?

It was kind of controversial. Stephanie's death seems to have largely been a commercial ploy to attach some BIG EVENT to "War Games," and many of the writers went along with it somewhat reluctantly. I haven't read any of "War Games," but it sounds like a blatantly commercial act, especially when you consider the care that went into Detective #796. I think the writer really enjoyed the idea of "Batman as teacher" stories with Stephanie as a headstrong pupil with passion and resourcefulness to make up for her inexperience and stubbornness.

But Stephanie got better and enjoyed a 24-issue run as Batgirl in her own comic.

But the Szasz story in Detective #796 is one of the reasons we love Dectective Comics.

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2011-11-28T00:10:00.000-08:00

"Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" by Miley Cyrus. You better be good, for goodness sake.

"You Can't Hurry Love" by The Dixie Chicks.

"Poker Face" by Lady Gaga (Acoustic Version).

"Poker Face" by Eric Cartman.

"Ponponpon" by Kyary Pamyu Pamyu.

"Tik Tok" by Ke$ha.

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2011-11-21T15:28:00.000-08:00

I was at the grocery store a few days ago and the music playing throughout the establishment was 1980s songs. They played "Hungry Like the Wolf" and it made me think of MTV. So I decided to fill this week's Monday Mini-Concert with songs that make me think of MTV.

First, "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran.

Next, "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles, the first video played on MTV.

"Shake It Up" by The Cars may not be the first video I ever saw on MTV but I remember seeing it on the television at a party and thinking it was pretty cool.

"Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" by Culture Club. I remember watching MTV at a friend's house, and either this video or "I'll Tumble 4 Ya" was playing and Mrs. D walked by and saw the video and said, "What's that?" My friend said, "That's Boy George, Mom," and Mrs. D said, "Boy George? Is it a boy or a girl?" And my friend, with a very exasperated tone, said, "We don't know, Mom." Thanks for the memories, George! (I saw Culture Club in concert a few years later at Market Square Arena in Indianapolis. They were awesome!)

"Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top.

Here's "Girl Just Want to Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper.

And to end somewhere near where we started, here's Duran Duran again, with "The Wild Boys".

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2011-11-14T00:43:00.000-08:00

The Ballad of Jesse James by the Pogues. This is one of many great versions of this song. (And, by the way, I'm not any kind of an admirer of Jesse James the historical figure. I like the song. But Jesse James was kind of a dick.)

We Shall Overcome by Pete Seeger, Arlo Guthrie and a bunch of Occupy Wall Street protesters just a few weeks ago.

Three Cool Cats by some band called the Silver Beatles. Wonder what ever became of them?

Venus by Bananarama.

Garry Owen.

Big Yellow Taxi by Bob Dylan.

W.C. FIELDS WAS AWESOME

2011-11-11T00:18:00.000-08:00

I'm reading a book about W.C. Fields. A lot of it is letters and telegrams and things like that. This is from a 1922 letter to his wife:

While I apprecate the spirit in which Claude offers prayers for my success I wish he would bother no further. Prayers never bring anything. You should know that better than anything. They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal and the lazy - But to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Clause to bring you something for Xmas. So please tell him to utilize his time to better advantage.

"Claude" in the letter is W.C. Fields Jr., who would have been about 18 at the time.

Oh, that Bill Fields! Didn't he know you're not supposed to say any of this, no matter how obvious it is? He should have been more politically correct!

THE MARK OF CAIN: Talking Points

2011-11-09T20:52:00.000-08:00

I keep meaning to comment on the Big Golden Book of Republican Talking Points, but it is so hard to get a current copy when they keep updating every three or four hours when a new Herman Cain accuser comes forward.

First, Cain's supporters dismiss the accusers because they are anonymous. Then, when they are no longer anonymous, they are attacked for just wanting to be in the spotlight, or for the money, or because they are Democratic operatives.

Not wanting to exhaust myself, I only tackled three of the Herman Cain-related talking points from the last decade or so. (I guess it hasn't been a full decade since Herman Cain entered our lives and enriched us so. It just seems like it.) Perhaps, if I ever get my appetite back after tackling such a foul-smelling cesspool of willful ignorance and blatant dumbassery, I may once again comment on a later edition of The Big Golden Book of Republican Talking Points.

NUMBER ONE

Why has it taken so long for these women to come forth?
- Teapsalm

The implication, much like the similarly shrill "Look at the timing!" meme, seems to be saying that these women should have come forward at some point before it was known that Herman Cain would be a front-runner for the GOP nomination.

I don't really see much sense in using a lame distraction tactic like "Look at the timing!" when the accusations are made a full year before the election (which makes absolutely no sense at all if you are trying to push the idea that this is a "liberal smear") and several months before the first GOP primary (this makes a little more sense, especially for the theory that the Perry campaign or the Romney campaign released this info.)

Is there some good reason why a woman who had been harrassed by someone like Herman Cain migh hesitate before coming forward with accusations like these? Can we look at the past and see an example of a woman being vilified for similar accusations against a powerful Republican?

Yes, we can! (This incident has spawned another talking point that Anita Hill's accusations were proven false. The fact that I have never seen a single fact linked with this assertion is what makes it a talking point.)

Can we look at the more recent past and find a similar attack on a woman who came forward?

Again, yes we can!

So why didn't these women come forward earlier against a powerful man like Herman Cain?

(Well, aside from the nondisclosure agreements signed by some of them.)

Is it really that hard a question?

NUMBER TWO

BILL CLINTON = adultery in the house his wife and daughter lived. You loved Clinton, you forgave Clinton. Now you are ready to hang a man because he is not a democrat.
- spiT4u2

I think he is trying to say that sexual harrassment is the same as consensual sex, and that Herman Cain is under attack because he is a Republican because if he was a Democrat, the story would be ignored.

Well, I don't remember the Republicans ignoring Clinton, Weiner, Edwards, Gary Hart or any Democrat when allegations of a sexual nature appeared. Perhaps dishonest Republicans can make accusations like this and they can claim there's a double standard, but it just doesn't hold up under the least bit of scrutiny.

Honest conservatives, when they find themselves stuck in the echo chamber with dittohead gibberish like this, should speak up and tell their fellow conservatives that blatant and childish like this doesn't make conservatives look very smart or sensible or honest, and it doesn't gain them any friends that a decent person would want.

NUMBER THREE

I am not a politician.
Herman Cain

I hear this a lot. Not just from Herman Cain. From a lot of his supporters.

But I have my doubts. He was the senior economic adviser to Bob Dole when Dole ran for the presidency in 1996. (Dole lost.) He ran - briefly - for the presidency in 2000. (He lost.) He ran to be a U.S. Senator from Georgia in 2004. (He lost in the primary.) He's running for the presidency now. (He's floundering a bit at the moment by reacting to serious accusations with a bunch of childish nonsense.)

So, is he not a politician just because he's not very good at it?

And then there's the National Restaurant Association. Herman Cain was president and CEO from 1996 to 1999. One of its roles is to lobby for the restaurant industry in Washington. It's a lobbying organization. (And if there's one thing consistenly considered lower than your average politician, it's your average lobbyist. Funny how the so-called Liberal Media (TM) never mentions that the National Restaurant Association is a lobbying organization.)

Not a politician? Come up with a useful and relevant definition of "politican" and we'll see if it fits Herman Cain.

THE LAST WORD

Perhaps I could give Cain the benefit of the doubt if he had ever given a single response to the sexual harrassment charges - or a single response to anything - that wasn't arrogant or sarcastic or childish or vile.

Perhaps if he had said a single thing that indicates that he has any respect for his supporters. Or if he had said a single thing that indicates that he thinks his supporters need to be shown any respect.

Maybe then I could find the space in my heart for some wiggle room for Herman Cain.

I'm not holding my breath.

LAST MAN SLANDERING: The Bench

2011-11-08T16:53:00.000-08:00

The race to the bottom in the desperate struggle to be the GOP candidate in 2012.

We will now give Herman Cain a break to talk about some of the other GOP White House hopefuls, candidates who, at this point, are doing worse than Herman Cain.

NEWT GINGRICH

Used to be Speaker of the House. Claims to be a historian. Mostly famous for his disgraceful treatment of his bed-ridden first wife.

I sigh with disappointment that this man's 15 minutes of fame are not used up yet. Sarah Palin, for all the other things you can say about her, has at least provided many hours of amusement for America and the world.

Newt Gingrich cannnot even claim that much.

Some of my friends have told me to be nice. By making the Gingrich entry short and not providing any links, I AM being nice.

JON HUNTSMAN

Used to be governor of Utah. Was ambassador to Singapore under George H.W. Bush and ambassador to China under Barack Obama. Mostly famous for spelling his first name "Jon."

I spent some time looking for the craziest things he has ever said and, after I got bored from the lack of worthy material, I picked this at random:

We need to continue working closely with China to convince North Korea to abandon its nuclear weapons program.
- Jon Huntsman

Isn't that a bad thing? Aren't the Chinese a bunch of Communists? Instead of "working closely" with them on anything, shouldn't we be preparing to go to war with them and screaming "treason" at anyone who disagrees? (Perhaps I'm getting them mixed up with Iran.)

It's just not that crazy. He seems to be mostly sane. I think Huntsman's major weakness may well be his weird delusion that he has anything in common with the crazed, fearful dimwits that vote for Republicans.

Another drawback: As a Mormon, he doesn't get to show off to "Values Voters" that he's the most Jesus-y candidate of them all.

RICK SANTORUM

Used to be a senator from Pennsylvania. Hates Satan, homosexuals, liberals and the good sense God gave him.

And that's pretty much it except for quotes like this:

Society is based on one thing: that society is based on the future of the society. And that's what? Children. Monogamous relationships. In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be.
- Rick Santorum

and other statements that are not much like anything that might fit into the "What Would Jesus Say?" category. Not as I understand Jesus. I'm rather under the impression that Jesus isn't a total douche. But it seems an awful lot of self-proclaimed Christians are fine with saying that homosexuality is the same as bestiality or pedophilia.

(This comment, by the way, spawned Santorum's Google Problem.)

Santorum has not been polling well, in the 1% to 3% range lately, so it seems many Republicans are not quite dumb enough to buy what he is selling.

Which is not much of an endorsement for Rick Santorum.

THE MARK OF CAIN: Not playing the race card

2011-11-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

Herman Cain, and the phenomenon surrounding him, has become such a bountiful source of material that we have inaugurated a new series, "The Mark of Cain," to accommodate more of Mr. Cain's inspirational utterances and entertaining actions.

Yet another example of Herman Cain not "playing the race card":

When Margaret Sanger – check my history – started Planned Parenthood, the objective was to put these centers in primarily black communities so they could help kill black babies before they came into the world. You don't see that talked that much about. It's Planned Parenthood. No, it's planned genocide. And you can quote me on that.
- Herman Cain

It looks a lot like "playing the race card." But it isn't. Remember, Herman Cain, a Republican, is immune to charges that he is "playing the race card." No matter how often or how flagrantly he says something that looks a lot like "playing the race card."

Herman Cain: Definitely crazy enough for the GOP.

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT

2011-11-07T00:21:00.000-08:00

"Wuthering Heights"

"Solsbury Hill"

"Call of the West"

"Up the Junction"

"The Man With the Golden Gun"

"Pirate Jenny" by Marianne Faithful

Great quote about Herman Cain

2011-11-04T12:42:00.000-07:00

(and all of his enablers)

Talking about lynching in this context is like digging up all the real victims and lynching them again.
- Capt. Fogg, at The Reaction

Honest, decent, consistent conservatives (if such exist) should be able to give Obama credit for this: he's never foolishly accused any of his critics of lynching if he was still alive at the end of the ordeal.

LAST MAN SLANDERING: Two

2011-11-02T21:41:00.000-07:00

The race to the bottom in the desperate struggle to be the GOP candidate in 2012.

THE MARK OF CAIN

(Oh, dear. Maybe I shouldn't have written that. In the current environment, it is now fashionable for Republicans to hurl accusations of racism at any and all comers who have a single word of criticism against either of the black Republicans. You know how politically correct Republicans can be ... when it suits them.)

Well, here I was, all ready to talk a little bit about some of the struggling candidates in the GOP primary race, to say a few words about some of the people who will - hopefully - just be names in a few weeks. We were going to discuss former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich and why reasonable people use "air quotes" when they talk about his work as a "historian." We were going to say a few words about former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum and why reasonable people use "air quotes" when they talk about his "accomplishments." And we were going to talk about Jon Huntsman and, perhaps, figure out who he is and if he really exists.

But, no. Reality has caught up with Herman Cain, and he has shown no sign that he recognizes it. He has not acted in any way that indicates that he has even a nodding acquaintance with it. The only thing that may save his White House bid is that he has targeted the Stupid Vote and it is a large segment of the electorate, a very large segment of the electorate indeed.

So we cannot ignore the unfolding sexual harassment scandal. It will play out. More details may be revealed. Cain may weather this, or he may not.

(And we will keep hearing the phrase "high-tech lynching." A strange term that. It goes back to the confirmation hearing of Clarence Thomas for the Supreme Court. I wonder what kind of wanker would come up with the term "high-tech lynching" for an incident where the victim, instead of being left dangling from a tree, ended up becoming a Supreme Court justice. I believe that, historically, the main characteristic of the "low-tech lynching" so popular in the U.S. as recently as 1964 was that it killed people. I searched the records and could not find a single instance of a "low-tech lynching" where the victim became a Supreme Court justice. I suspect that "high-tech lynching" was coined by a conservative commentator making a play for the "Little Miss Martyr" award so coveted by conservative commentators.)

I am not going to comment on Herman Cain's troubles as much as I'm going to comment on conservative commentators and their reaction to the growing scandal. But I'm having a little trouble finding the right language to describe this phenomenon.

If it were liberals or Democrats saying that Herman Cain's accusers are after him because of his race, I could just call it "playing the race card." But it is far more complicated than that. Because it is the conservatives themselves who are screaming "Racism!" at the people who are committing the unforgiveable sin of asking questions that are too tough for Herman Cain to answer in a coherent, consistent or intelligent manner.

So, what is the phrase that you use when conservatives "play the race card"?

I'm sure it is not "play the race card." Because if it were, then surely conservative commentators would be called out for "playing the race card" for their actions when they comment on any of a number of Herman Cain-related misadventures.

In the eyes of the liberal media, Herman Cain is just another uppity black American who has had the audacity to leave the liberal plantation. So they must destroy him, just as they tried destroying Clarence Thomas.
- Brent Bozell

It looks a lot like "playing the race card," doesn't it?

As does this:

Look at how quickly what is known as the mainstream media goes for the ugliest racial stereotypes they can to attack a black conservative. ... What's next, folks? A cartoon on MSNBC showing Herman Cain with huge lips eating a watermelon? What are they gonna do next? No, Snerdley, I'm not kidding. The racial stereotypes that these people are using to go after Herman Cain, what is the one thing that it tells us? It tells us who the real racists are ...
- Rush Limbaugh

Who knew Rush was so sensitive about race?

Liberals are terrified of Herman Cain. He is a strong conservative black man. Look at the way they go after Allen West and Michael Steele and they're not even running against Obama. They are terrified of strong, conservative, black men.
- Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter. No comment. (I'm glad she's not on my side. And so is every decent human being.)

Not directly related to the current sexual harassment charges, here is another statement that looks a lot like "playing the race card," but apparently isn't:

My reaction is that’s just very insensitive. There isn't a more vile negative word than the N-word, and for him to leave it there for as long as he did before I hear that they finally painted over it is just plain insensitive towards a lot of black people in this country.
- Herman Cain

It does look a lot like "playing the race card," but, no, it is not.

Because a conservative said it.

That is the difference. It's the only difference needed for the rogues and fools that make up American conservatism.

There doesn't seem to be any special phrase for it when conservatives "play the race card."

Except maybe "business as usual."

UPDATE

Herman Cain said this Wednesday in an interview with (ugh) Charles Krauthammer:

CAIN: There are some people who are Democrats, liberals, who do not want to see me win the nomination. And there could be some people on the right who don’t want to see me because I’m not the, quote/unquote, “establishment candidate.” No evidence.

KRAUTHAMMER: But does race have any part of that? Establishment, maverick, yes. What about race?

CAIN: Relative to the left I believe race is a bigger driving factor. I don’t think it’s a driving factor on the right. This is just based upon our speculation.

Remember. Herman Cain is a conservative. Therefore, blaming his current problems on The Left because "race is a bigger driving factor" is not "playing the race card." (It looks like "playing the race card." But it isn't. I admit, I can see why you're confused.)

He will be a fine GOP candidate for the White House. (But I wouldn't let him take care of a cactus.)

MONDAY MINI-CONCERT!

2011-10-31T00:37:00.000-07:00

Today: Crazy musical numbers of the 1930s!

We start off with a scene from "42nd Street," one of my favorite Ginger Rogers moments.

Next, from the same movie, the "42nd Street" number.

From "Follow the Fleet," here's "We Saw the Sea."

Here's the finale to "Dancing Lady," a bizarre 1933 film with Joan Crawford, Clark Gable, Fred Astaire and the Three Stooges. This movie is CRAZEE! I wish I could find the scene where Joan auditions for Gable (he's a Broadway producer) and her musical accompaniment is Moe, Larry and Curly!

Next, possibly the very best number Fred and Ginger ever did. "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off," from the movie "Shall We Dance."

And I couldn't leave out "Footlight Parade." Here's "Sittin' on a Backyard Fence" with Ruby Keeler and Dick Powell. Every time I see this, I wonder if it can possibly be a real Hollywood number. I always assume I dreamed the whole thing.

LAST MAN SLANDERING

2011-10-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

The race to the bottom in the desperate struggle to be the GOP candidate in 2012.

Who will be the last man - or woman - standing in the GOP presidential field after the American political system has had its way with the current crop? An informal poll of myself and two or three other people, most of whom aren't entirely ignorant of politics, indicated that Mitt Romney was the unanimous guess of that small group. And, despite some recent activity by Rick Perry (who, some people say, is the governor of Texas) and Herman Cain (who, some people say, is the mayor of Crazytown), a White House run by Mitt Romney lasting past the GOP convention in Tampa in August 2012 is not an uncommon prediction.

So there will be plenty of time to comment on this man's crass and vulgar opportunism in the coming days and weeks and months that will seem more like years and decades and centuries before the first week of Novemeber in 2012 when all good Americans will either cast their votes or not cast their votes in this desperate experiment we call "representative democracy."

So I am tempted to turn away from Romney for the time being. He will be with us always, and it seems more fair to spend some time with some of the others, the candidates that may not last past New Hampshire or Iowa, like Newt Gingrich (who, some say, is the head of the Nathan Bedford Forrest Appreciation Society) or Jon Huntsman (who, some say, used to be governor of Montana or Idaho or Saskatchewan or some place like that) or Rick Santorum (who, some say, is a foul-smelling brown liquid).

But no. Mitt Romney has a blot, a blot that must be dealt with, a blot that goes beyond any mere awkward attempt to sound cool, a blot that supersedes any previous policy that worked fine but is now unpopular with those whose votes you want, a blot that overwhelms any mere religious differences, a blot that should be following Mitt around even worse than any dubious concerns about a candidate's made-up foreign birth, a blot almost as bad as (in the case of a Democrat) not getting killed in combat and, thus, not really being a war hero.

Mitt Romney strapped a dog to the roof of the family car in 1983.

WHO LET THE DOG OUT?

What a man!

What a cool, calm dispassionate decision-maker!

The Romney family was traveling from Boston to Ontario, Canada, in a station wagon, and Mitt took a look at the station wagon and their gear and his wife and their five kids, and he decided there wasn't enough room in the car for all that and the dog. So Mitt took action and put the dog, an Irish setter named Seamus, in a carrier that he strapped to the car. He did place a windshield of some kind in front of the carrier.

(One of my friends noted that it was probably a good thing that the Romneys didn't have seven kids. I can just see good ol' Mitt defending that. "I don't know why it bothers my critics so much that my two-year-old likes fresh air.")

Because Mitt seems to be one of those tough-guy dads who says stuff like, "We're not stopping except when I say it's time to stop," Seamus eventually had an accident and the predictable conclusion to the family adventure tottered toward a climax when one of the boys noticed a foul-smelling, brown liquid (presumably not santorum) dripping down the window and the side of the car.

The next little bit of the story allegedly shows how no-nonsense and take-charge Mitt is as a leader. He pulled over at a gas station and washed off the car (and the dog) with a hose.

He's just like General Patton!

A regular Field Marshall Rommel is he!

I betcha even Nathan Bedford Forrest wouldn't have thought of that so fast!

Any of the other GOP candidates would probably have just kept on driving to Ontario. Obama would have panicked and driven into a ditch! And God help the Romney family if Al Gore had been driving that car! He would have freaked out and driven off a bridge into a nuclear reactor, taking a big chunk of New England straight to hell with the lot!

We could all hope he's learned a few things since 1983. Or maybe we could hope that he's learned a few things in the last few years since the 2008 election cycle, when he made this statement. Number One lesson for Mitt Romney: How not to be a glib asshole.

Me and You and 'The New 52'

2011-10-26T11:49:00.001-07:00

Just Like Starting Over

DC Comics, in the latest marketing scheme, issued 52 first issues in September, sparking a few weeks of buzz and angering many fans because many of the first issues were not brand-new comics. That means that some long-running titles, such as the historical Detective Comics - which started in 1937 and had run for almost 900 issues - started all over again with #1.

I haven't bought any new comics for a very long time, but a few months before "The New 52" comics were published, I saw some comic books at the newsstand at Barnes & Noble, and I flipped through the latest issue (#879) of an old favorite (Detective Comics), and I started buying Detective again. So I heard about "The New 52" at a time when I was getting interested in comics and I decided to get a few of them and start reading comics again.

It's been a fun experience. Some of these are very good (I think my two favorites are Batwoman and Wonder Woman) and some of these are a little dodgy for one reason or another (Catwoman! I'm looking at you!). But they've all been fun. I don't think anyone expected 52 instant classics. I just remember that, when I was a kid collecting lots of comic books, I didn't really pay that much attention to whether the comics were 'good' or not. I just bought what I liked and what looked interesting. (For example, I collected "Jungle Action," which is now highly rated as a highlight of the Bronze Age. But I had no inkling, when I was 11, that it was destined to be a classic. I just thought it was cool that it was set in the jungle and the Black Panther got to fight dinosaurs.)
Before I start my capsule reviews of the comics I bought, I want to address a big problem that I found in far too many of these comics, even some of the comics I liked: I refer to decompression.

Decompression is an unfortunate practice - some would call it a curse, or perhaps 'the curse' - of modern comics. Decompression means spreading out a few minutes of story throughout an entire comic book. Every page has just two or three or four panels, a few tiny word balloons, no captions, no thought balloons, nothing to catch the mind as the eye skims the pages and you read a whole comic book in three or four minutes. (Sometimes that "three or four minutes" includes a phone call, getting the mail, feeding the cat or any number of things that might interrupt your comic book reading. (Click here for a fine discussion of the evils of decompression.)

The end result is a feeling of dissatisfaction when you reach the end. Nice art, intriguing fraction of a story, where's the rest of it?

Not all of "The New 52" comics that I read displayed decompression to an annoying degree, but it was a problem on a regular basis, and I may drop some of these comic books sooner than I had expected merely because of the frustrating effect of extreme decompression. ("Supergirl" comes to mind.)

ACTION COMICS

Grant Morrison takes Superman back to his roots, an activist Superman who personally involves himself in political corruption and domestic violence. Yes, it's set in modern times, but it evokes the late 1930s, when the Superman comic was chaotic as hell, and Superman would harass and terrorize reckless drivers if the mood struck him, or he would abduct European leaders and throw them in front of armies and tell the leaders to fight out their differences.

Those were the days.

I liked the first issue, but a pretty good story, unfortunately, suffered from the abrupt nature of the big finale, an abruptmess forced on the story by decompression. Then, the second issue didn't really make sense.

I will stick with Action because it is a DC flagship title, but I'm already having my doubts.

BATGIRL

Barbara Gordon can walk again! And she has taken up the mantle of Batgirl. She's a little rusty, so she's makes mistakes. But she'll get better! (She has to, if she expects to last more than a week.)

(It has been suggested that, in the new continuity, she was never Batgirl before. I don't know about that. But I couldn't find anything in the dialogue or text that says either way.)

Writer Gail Simone is awesome, and the art is great. I'm having fun with this one.

DETECTIVE COMICS

Let's see, what to say about this one. It's a bit over-the-top. (Which is not necessarily a bad thing in a comic book with the Joker. Or with Batman either, when you get right down to it.) The Joker is running around naked, for some reason. He kills a guy with meat sewed to his face. He's one step ahead of the Batman, until he isn't.

Then, the Joker voluntarily lets another villain, the Dollmaker, cut his face off. And the first issue ends with a full-page panel of the skin from the Joker's face spread out on the floor, grinning at you.

It is just about the only time a comic book made me physically ill. (Which, again, is not necessarily a bad thing.)

The second issue did not answer any of the questions created by the first, it generated a whole series of new questions and it ended with Comissioner Gordon in considerable peril!

I am definitely intrigued. And I love "Detective Comics," so I would be buying it anyway. But it's not for everyone.

O.M.A.C.

This isn't going to make anybody forget the Jack Kirby "O.M.A.C." series, but I'm enjoying it. The best thing about it is the Keith Giffen art. One great thing about "The New 52" is the high quality of the art in general, even if some of it is a bit eccentric, and Giffen is a welcome addition, providing a little contrast with so much of the slick art in some of the other comics.

Plot? A futuristic super-soldier attacks Cadmus, the cutting-edge technological facility, and seems to be after something, creating much havoc and upsetting some young woman who works there who doesn't know that her boyfriends is, somehow, the super-soldier, who is known as O.M.A.C., which stands for Only Mechanizes Against Carnage, or something.

It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I've enjoyed it so far. I would drop this like a hot potato if it weren't drawn by Giffen.

BATWOMAN

This just kicks ass. Great art. Great writing. Love the covers. Read it.

FRANKENSTEIN, AGENT of S.H.A.D.E

The Frankenstein monster belongs to a secret government organization that battles supernatural threats that ordinary secret government organizations can't handle. His wife, who has somehow acquired extra arms, is also an operative. The boss is an eight-year-old girl in a schoolgirl outfit who wears a domico mask, for some reason. Ray Palmer is onboard, as are the Creature Commandos.

It's much better in the execution than it is in the telling. Besides, what's not to like for people who like this sort of thing?

BIRDS OF PREY

This is another one that's a lot of fun. Black Canary, Starling and Katana, just doing what girls do when they can KICK ASS with the best of them.

Poison Ivy showed up at the end of the second issue. It appears that she was invited.

CATWOMAN

Not nearly as bad as a lot of people were saying, and it has its good points. I can certainly see why many people don't want to give it a chance after the first issue, but I'll stick with it for a few issues. I think it has potential.

LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES

Not the best the Legion has ever been, not by a longshot. I liked the first issue quite a bit. it was good to see Dream Girl and Brainiac so prominent. I was a little more ambivalent about the second issue. One thing that bothered me more than it probably should have was how blubbery Shadow Lass was over the death of Earth-Man. I don't know who Earth-Man is, but it seems badly out of character for Shady.

We'll see what happens.

SUPERGIRL

I like the idea for this. But the costume needs work. (Pants, anyone?) And decompression doesn't get any worse than this. (I hope.)

I so want to like this.

Nice art.

WONDER WOMAN

I can't even begin to put it into words how much I like this. Just buy it.

I, THE AUDIENCE: Demolition Man

2011-10-19T22:44:00.000-07:00

The One Sandra Bullock Will Be Remembered For

Strapped to the chair and the bomb is ticking.

So I was browsing the Instant Watch choices on Netflix. I was in the mood for a science fiction movie, something like "Red Planet" or "Ghosts of Mars" or "Outland" or "Supernova."

The situation was not of your picking.

Something fun. A movie that made sense or was actually good would have been nice but was not absolutely necessary. I would have settled for "Zardoz" or the remake of "Rollerball."

You say that this wasn't in your plan.

And there it was! Ready to be watched on my computer with a simple click!

You don't mess around with the ...

Demolition Man!

I have been wanting to see it for years.

I'm a walking nightmare ...

It came out in 1993, at a time when I lived in Hollywood and saw pretty much every movie I wanted to see. The fact that I did not see "Demolition Man" in 1993 probably means that I did not particularly want to see it then. Which makes sense. There are so many action/science fiction/fantasy movies in the course of the average year that you can't see them all.

An arsenal of doom ...

I was not much of a Sylvester Stallone fan back then. (I've come to appreciate him a lot more since then, not so much as an actor, but as a performer. He's quite a performer. He's so awesome in "Night Hawks"!)

I kill conversation as I walk into a room.

And who was Sandra Bullock in 1993? ("Speed" was still few years away. And her Oscar was far, far in the future.)

I'm a three-line whip ...

And as for Wesley Snipes, I have nothing against him. He's quite good in "Demolition Man." But I don't run out and see a movie for Wesley Snipes.

I'm the sort of thing they ban ...

But I saw a few scenes of "Demolition Man" on cable when it wasn't more than a few years old and I was intrigued. I've been wanting to see it ever since.

I'm a walking disaster ...

I was not disappointed. As a matter of fact, I very much enjoyed this wonderfully dumb movie. It never takes itself seriously, and I found the script full of amusing dialogue, mostly spoken by Sandra Bullock, playing a cop in Southern California in the 2030s, a time very different from our own, with its own peculiarities and hang-ups. (Sandra's very good in this. She steals the show. She's the one who should be locked up in the cryo-prison for such blatant theft. This is the one she'll be remembered for, despite her Oscar for "The Blind Side.")

I'm The Demolition Man.

Stallone is also fun to watch, all growly and scowly, doing that thing with his lower lip to express confusion, anger, frustration and other emotions, some of which are hard to identify.

Demolition Man

And Wesley Snipes is also good, all crazy and psycho and Dennis Rodman-y.

Demolition Man

I enjoyed it. Sure, you can wear yourself out getting picky about things that don't make sense, if you're so inclined. But it was a lot of fun, and I'm not going to give it a negative review just because it's not "The Grapes of Wrath."

Demolition Man

I don't know if it's a forgotten film. But I never hear people talk about it. I'm mentioning it here, hoping movie-watchers will give it a try. I'm kind of surprised it doesn't have a cult following. It's just that kind of film.

The Monday Mini-Concert returns!

2011-10-10T00:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've decided to start posting here a little bit more often. A little of this, a little of that ...

To start off with something easy, I'm going to revive the Monday Mini-Concert!

First, I Don't Like Mondays by The Boomtown Rats. Doesn't this bring back wonderful memories of wanting to kill everyone at your high school?

Next, Manic Monday, a somewhat more healthy song about Mondays.

And since these other Bangles songs are so easily available right next to "Manic Monday," here's Walk Like an Egyptian ...

... and Hazy Shade of Winter ...

... and, what the heck, here's If She Knew What She Wants.

and, just because I like it, here's Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall.

I, THE AUDIENCE: Movies I saw in 2010

2011-01-01T11:51:00.000-08:00

This is my annual list of all the movies I saw in the previous year. I believe the list is bigger than it was last year, probably because I got an Internet connection at home and I can now take advantage of all the movies that Netflix offers through Instant Watch, where you just pick your movie and download it and, minutes later, you watch it on your computer.

For the record, I'm not sure what my favorite movie of 2010 is. I'm trending toward "Black Swan," but I really liked "Kick-Ass." And I'm planning on seeing "True Grit" next week. I'll probably not make a decision until after a second viewing of both "Black Swan" and "Kick-Ass."

1915-1920

1915 — A Fool There Was — 1916 — The Rink * One A.M. * The Pawn Shop * The Floor Walker — 1918 — Huns and Hyphens * Just Rambling Along * Frauds and Frenzies — 1919 — Do You Love Your Wife? * Hustling for Health * The Wicked Darling * Victory — 1920 — Way Down East

1921-1930

1922 — Dr. Mabuse, die Spieler * Mud and Sand * The Egg — 1923 —The Noon Whistle * White Wings * Under Two Jags * Pick and Shovel — 1924 — The Iron Horse — 1925 — Sally of the Sawdust — 1927 — La Revue des Revues * No Man’s Law — 1929 — Blackmail — 1930 — Hell’s Angels

1931-1940

1931 — Mata Hari * Le Million — 1932 — The Monster Walks * No Man of Her Own * Hell’s House * Scarface * Murders in the Rue Morgue — 1933 — Little Women * Duck Soup — 1934 — The Black Cat * Catherine the Great — 1935 — The Adventures of Rex and Rinty * Wings in the Dark * She * The Raven — 1936 — Big Brown Eyes * Rose-Marie * As You Like It — 1937 — Shall We Dance — 1938 — Mr. Moto Takes a Chance * You Can’t Take It With You * College Swing — 1939 — Mr. Smith Goes to Washington * The Mystery of Mr. Wong — 1940 — Virginia City * Foreign Correspondent

1941-1950

1941 — Topper Returns * Sergeant York * I Wake Up Screaming * Never Give a Sucker an Even Break — 1942 — Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon * Andy Hardy’s Double Life * The Hard Way * This Gun for Hire * Road to Morocco * Roxie Hart — 1943 — Stormy Weather — 1944 — Charlie Chan in the Secret Service * The Jade Mask * Murder My Sweet * Detective Kitty O’Day * The Climax — 1945 — The Woman in Green * And Then There Were None * Back to Bataan — 1946 — Dressed to Kill * Shock * Deception * Notorious — 1947 — Captain from Castile * Life with Father — 1948 — The Three Musketeers * Drunken Angel * Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein * Sleep, My Love — 1949 — Hideout — 1950 — Harvey * The Sundowners * Love Happy

1951-1960

1951 — The Bushwhackers * Flying Leathernecks * Halls of Montezuma * The Day the Earth Stood Still * El marido de mi novia * A Streetcar Named Desire — 1952 — Kansas Pacific * Don’t Bother to Knock * The Strange Door — 1953 — Julius Caesar * Reventa de esclavas * Glen or Glenda? * Roman Holiday * The Wages of Fear * From Here to Eternity — 1954 — Them! — 1955 — The Seven-Year Itch * Godzilla Raids Again — 1956 — The Court Jester * A Kiss Before Dying * Around the World in Eighty Days * The Killing — 1957 — Throne of Blood * The True Story of Jesse James — 1958 — The Fly * Elevator to the Gallows * Damn Yankees * It! The Terror from Beyond Space — 1959 — Breathless * The Alligator People — 1960 — The Bad Sleep Well * The Horrors of Spider Island

1961-1970

1961 — The Deadly Companions * One-Eyed Jacks * La maldicion de la llorona * On the Double — 1962 — Mutiny on the Bounty * The Premature Burial * King Kong vs. Godzilla * Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? * It’s Only Money — 1963 — High and Low * Tom Jones — 1964 — Hercules Against the Mongols * Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster * The Train — 1965 — The Masque of the Red Death * For a Few Dollars More — 1966 Persona — 1967 —The Dirty Dozen * The Ambushers * Thoroughly Modern Millie — 1968 — Night of the Living Dead * Funny Girl — 1969 — Gamera vs. Guiron (Attack of the Monsters) * Alice’s Restaurant — 1970 — Venus in Furs

1971-1980

1971 — Era Sam Wallach … lo chiamarano ‘Cosi Sin’ (Savage Guns) * Vampire Circus * Maid in Sweden * Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster — 1972 — Conquest of the Planet of the Apes * The Gatling Gun * And now for Something Completely Different * What’s Up, Doc? — 1973 — La espiritu de la colmena (The Spirit of the Beehive) — 1974 — Murder on the Orient Express * Hearts and Minds — 1975 — Mean Frank and Crazy Tony * Monty Python and the Holy Grail * The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes’ Smarter Brother * Barry Lyndon — 1976 — Murder by Death * Rocky — 1977 — Iphigenia — 1978 — Pretty Baby * Dawn of the Dead * The Hound of the Baskervilles — 1979 — Kramer vs. Kramer — 1980 — The Formula * Kagemusha * Popeye

1981-1990

1981 — Outland — 1982 — The Thing — 1983 — The Right Stuff * A Christmas Story — 1984 — Top Secret — 1985 — Red Sonja — 1986 — Aliens — 1987 — Cold Steel * Princess Bride * Predator — 1988 — Las mujeres en el borde de la ataque nerviosa (Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown) — 1989 — Honey, I Shrunk the Kids — 1990 — Blue Steel

1991-2000

1991 — A Kiss Before Dying — 1992 — Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle for Earth — 1993 — Body of Evidence * Kalifornia — 1994 — Trois Couleurs: Rouge 1995 — Showgirls * Heat — 1996 — Mars Attacks! * Chaplin’s Goliath — 1997 — Princess Mononoke * Carne tremula (Live Flesh) * Good Will Hunting — 1998 — American History X * Phantom of the Opera * Following * The Celebration — 1999 — Office Space * B. Monkey * Toy Story 2 * The Green Mile * Magnolia — 2000 — The Specials * Amores perros * Requiem for a Dream * In the Mood for Love

2001-2010

2001 — Black Hawk Down * The Royal Tenenbaums * Spirited Away — 2002 — Resident Evil * The Pianist * Irreversible * Infernal Affairs — 2003 — The Lost Skeleton of Cadavera * Kill Bill * Oldboy * Mystic River — 2004 — Troy * National Treasure * Suspect Zero * Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy — 2005 — Serenity * Cursed * Grizzly Man — 2006 — The Dead Girl * Ultraviolet * Marie Antoinette * Jar City * The Departed * Black Dahlia * The Prestige * The Lives of Others * V for Vendetta * Offside — 2007 — Superbad — 2008 — Quantum of Solace * Gran Torino * Forgetting Sarah Marshall * The Onion Movie * In Bruges — 2009 — Sherlock Holmes * Avatar * Watchmen * Coco avant Chanel (Coco Before Chanel) * Bitch Slap * Inglourious Basterds * Up * District 9 * Observe and Report * The Hangover * Run! Bitch Run! * Land of the Lost * Star Trek * Terminator Salvation * Friday the 13th * Mary and Max * Fantastic Mr. Fox — 2010 — The Wolfman * Alice in Wonderland * Kick-Ass * Clash of the Titans * Jonah Hex * Inception * Salt * The Runaways * Dinner for Schmucks * Scott Pilgrim vs. the World * Machete * Diary of a Wimpy Kid * Easy A * Date Night * How to Train Your Dragon * The Social Network * The Crazies * Fred: The Movie * Toy Story 3 * Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I * Black Swan * Cop Out

Excerpts from Jonah's dumb book

2010-12-01T17:27:00.000-08:00

Jonah Goldberg wrote a book. It was published in 2007. It is called "Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left from Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning." It is very dumb. The Conservative Dumbness Scale had to be re-calibrated in 2007 to accommodate this book's dumbness. (And then it had to be re-calibrated again in 2008 for Sarah Palin. And then again in 2009, again for Sarah Palin. And then again in 2010, this time for Rand Paul.)

Any book written by Jonah Goldberg is guaranteed to be dumb. And any book with "liberal fascism" in the title can also be counted on to be pretty dumb. But put them both together and you get a very dumb book. And "Liberal Fascism" is, indeed, a very dumb book.

I had to wait a while to get a copy for under $2.00, but I finally read the whole thing last month. And, yes, it is dumb. It's so dumb, I don't even really have to comment on it too much. All I have to do is post extracts. Jonah can speak for himself. And his own words are so damaging to his tortured reasoning that there is no reason to try to refute them.

For example:

What we do not understand is that the citizen hectored and hounded by the state to quit smoking has as much right to complain about fascism as an author would if his book was banned.

That's from Chapter Ten, pp. 387-388. (That particular sentence is so dumb, the dumbness wouldn´t fit on one page.)

(For a more detailed critique of "Liberal Fascism," check out David Neiwart's response on Orcinus.

I, THE AUDIENCE: All the movies I saw in 2009

2010-01-02T14:18:00.000-08:00

Here they are, all the movies I saw in 2009. I just counted them, and I came up with 189. (That may be off by a bit.) I started to make a list of the noteworthy films I saw, but I liked an awful lot of these movies, and it seemed pointless to put together a list that might have included 50 or 60 of these films.

My favorite film of 2009: No contest: "Watchmen." I saw it 6 times in the theater.

1916-1920

1916 — La Folie de Docteur Tube — 1917 — Wild and Woolly — 1919 — Ask Father — 1920 — The Eastern Westerner * From Hand to Mouth

1921-1930

1922 — Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages — 1923 — Safety Last * Au Secors — 1924 — Girl Shy — 1926 — Easy Virtue * The Manxman — 1927 — The Ring — 1929 — Pandora’s Box — 1930 — L’Age D’or (The Golden Age) * Die Dreigroschenoper (The Threepenny Opera) * L’Opera de Quat Sous (The Threepenny Opera)

1931-1940

1931 — Rich and Strange * The Skin Game — 1932 — White Zombie — 1933 — Wild Boys of the Road * The Vampire Bat * King Kong * Footlight Parade — 1934 — Rainbow Valley * The Ghoul * The Lucky Texan * Queen of Sports * ’Neath the Arizona Skies * The Trail Beyond * Men In Black * Punch Drunks * Three Little Pigskins * Woman Haters — 1935 — Lucrezia Borgia * The Desert Trail * The Big Road * Bride of Frankenstein * Werewolf of London * The 39 Steps * A Scream in the Night * Man on the Flying Trapeze — 1936 — Charge of the Light Brigade * Disorder in the Court — 1937 — Nothing Sacred * Young and Innocent * Bulldog Drummond Escapes * Bulldog Drummond Comes Back — 1938 — The Lady Vanishes * Mysterious Mr. Moto * Bulldog Drummond’s Peril — 1939 — Son of Frankenstein * Jamaica Inn * The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes * Mr. Moto’s Last Warning — 1940 — British Intelligence * A Plumbing We Will Go

1941-1950

1941 — The Wolf Man * I Killed That Man — 1942 — Saboteur * The Gold Rush * Ghost of Frankenstein * The Corpse Vanishes * Holiday Inn — 1943 — Casablanca * Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man — 1944 — House of Frankenstein * The Scarlet Claw * Mr. Skeffington * Going My Way — 1945 — Micro-Phonies — 1946 — She-Wolf of London — 1947 — My Favorite Brunette * Queen of the Amazons — 1949 — Stray Dog — 1950 — Rio Grande

1951-1960

1951 — Sirocco — 1953 — Sawdust and Tinsel — 1954 — Sins of Jezebel — 1955 To Catch a Thief — 1957 — Deadly Mantis —1958 — The Bat — 1959 — The Head * The House on Haunted Hill — 1960 — Orlak, el infierno de Frankenstein

1961-1970

1961 — The Pit and the Pendulum — 1962 — King Kong vs. Godzilla — 1963 — Bye, Bye Birdie * McClintock! * Dementia 13 — 1964 — Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster * Zulu — 1965 — Nightmare Castle * The Tenth Victim — 1967 — Belle de Jour * The Dirty Dozen * Go, Kill, Come Back (Vado … l’amazzo etorno) — 1968 — Teorema * The Producers — 1969 — The Illustrated Man

1971-1980

1971 — Vanishing Point — 1972 — Black Mama, White Mama * Kansas City Bomber * Deadly Buddhist Raiders * The Bounty Man — 1973 — The Holy Mountain * Fantastic Planet * High School Hitch Hikers ( Jeunes filles impudiques) * Kung Fu: Punch of Death (The Prodigal Boxer) — 1974 — Zardoz * Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry * Three Tough Guys * Chinatown — 1975 — The Passenger * Dersu Uzala * Savage Man/Savage Beast (Ultime grida della savana) — 1976 — Assault on Precinct 13 — 1977 — Women’s Camp 119 — 1978 — Interiors — 1980 — Where the Buffalo Roam * The Children * Loulou * Earthquake 7.9

1981-1990

1981 — Confessions of a Police Captain — 1982 — The Road Warrior * The Atomic Cafe — 1984 — The Executioner II * The Terminator — 1985 — Rendez-vous * Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome — 1986 — Ginger and Fred — 1987 — Raising Arizona — 1988 — Cobra Verde — 1989 — Camille Claudel

1991-2000

1991 — La Belle Noiseuse — 1993 — The Secret Garden — 1994 — The Shawshank Redemption —1996 — Escape from L.A. — 1997 — Wag the Dog — 1998 — Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas — 1999 — Bowfinger * Office Space * The Sixth Sense — 2000 — Scarlet Diva

2001-2009

2001 — Josie and the Pussycats — 2002 — Bend It Like Beckham * Signs * Men In Black II — 2003 — The Lost Skeleton of Cadavera * Seabiscuit — 2004 — Starsky and Hutch * Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind * Napoleon Dynamite * The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou — 2005 — Domino * Sky High * Pan’s Labyrinth * Pride and Prejudice — 2006 — Stranger Than Fiction * The Good German — 2007 — Black Snake Moan * Persepolis * Death Proof * No Country for Old Men * Beowulf * La Vie en Rose — 2008 — Valkyrie * The Spiderwick Chronicles * Vicky Cristy Barcelona * Revolutionary Road * Tropic Thunder * Rachel Getting Married * Ghost Town * Wall-E * Tokyo Gore Police — 2009 — My Bloody Valentine in 3-D * Coraline * Watchmen * Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li * After Last Season * Drag Me to Hell * Brüno * Zombie Girl * X-Men: Origins Wolverine * Bandslam * Inglourious Basterds * Whip It * Zombieland * The Men Who Stare At Goats * Collapse * Nine

DeTocqueville weighs in on Andrew Jackson

2009-08-08T23:30:00.000-07:00

I don't think he's very impressed with Old Hickory.

General Jackson, whom the Americans have twice elected to be the head of their government, is a man of violent temper and very moderate talents; nothing in his whole career ever proved him qualified to govern a free people; and, indeed the majority of the enlightened classes of the Union has always opposed him. But he was raised to the Presidency, and has been maintained there, solely by the recollection of a victory which he gained, twenty years ago, under the walls of New Orleans; a victory which was, however, a very ordinary achievement and which could only be remembered in a country where battles are rare. Now the people who are thus carried away by the illusions of glory are unquestionably the most cold and calculating, the most unmilitary, if I may so speak, and the most prosaic of all the nations of the earth.

— Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America, Chapter XVII

Awesome Austen: What W. Somerset Maugham had to say ...

2009-08-01T23:40:00.000-07:00

In his book Ten Novels and Their Authors, writer W. Somerset Maugham (The Razor's Edge) had this to say about Jane Austen:

Nothing very much happens in her books, and yet, when you come to the bottom of a page, you eagerly turn it to learn what will happen next. Nothing much does and again you eagerly turn the page. The novelist who has the power to achieve this has the most precious gift a novelist can possess

Not a bad beginning for commentary on the divine Jane Austen.

WARNING: BLUE PENIS

2009-04-18T00:06:00.000-07:00

The American Christian Defense League Against Anti-Americanism has determined that the blue penis in the movie discussed in this article may be harmful to your patriotism and moral fortitude.

I love the 'Watchmen" movie. For me, it's definitely right up there with my favorite movies of recent years, stuff like "Kill Bill," "Grindhouse," "The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou," "Borat" and "Pride and Prejudice." I'm not going to quibble about whether it's getting a bad rap from critics who don't (and probably can't) understand it (we'll save that for later) or whether or not it's one of the best movies ever. Who cares that the nitwits at imdb.com have not seen fit to rate it high enough to get on their Top 250 films list? (The top film on that list is "The Shawshank Redemption." Whaa-?) I'm only saying that, for me, it's an awe-inspiring film. I've seen it four times and I hope to see it at least once more at the local bargain theater.

I was a big fan of the original comic book series from the time it first hit the comic book stores in 1986. I was 22 years old, and I had been an avid comic book collector for some years. I wasn't buying as many comic books at that point. More concerned with what I was going to do with the rest of my life, I was trying to get my act together.

However, "Watchmen" seemed like a worthy four-color distraction. I was obsessed with it. I would go to the comic book store the day the latest "Watchmen" was scheduled, just like when I was 10 or 11 years old and haunting the drugstore, making sad faces at the clerk and hoping they would unpack the comic books first.

Every time a new issue of "Watchmen" came out, I would read each issue repeatedly. Every time a new issue came out, I would start at the beginning and read all the way through. (There were 12 issues in all. I believe the term at the time was "maxi-series." Do they still use that?) I read them out aloud to my friends. (I recall one day when one of the guys acquired the latest issue of "The Dark Knight Returns" the same day I showed up with the latest "Watchmen" and we were all either reading comic books or waiting for somebody to finish reading something so the next guy could read it.) I started to write and draw a "Watchmen" parody. My friends and I would talk to each other as if we were Rorschach or Dr. Manhattan. I think I wrote a letter to my mother in the style of Rorschach's journal.

So, yeah, i was into it.

By the time it was over, I almost completely lost interest in comic books. Regular comic books seemed kind of pointless after "Watchmen." What else was there to say? ALam Moore had deconstructed super-hero comics and put them back together again so skillfully and with such artistry that there just didn't seem any reason to go on. (A year passed before I started buying comics again, but it was sporadic and fitful and I never bought as many new comics as I did before "Watchmen."

Twenty years (and more) passed. I still have those original "Watchmen" comic books I bought at the comic book store. I don't know how many times I've re-read them. Once a year? Twice a year?

Let's just say I've read it a few times.

And now there's a movie.

And what a movie it is!

I almost don't know where to begin in praising the "Watchmen" movie, so I'l just mention a few highlights. The filmmakers seem to have been using the original comic book for storyboards, so it was exciting to see some of my favorite scenes from the comic book brought to life. Like the Comedian's funeral. (That's the second issue, and it's one of my favorite comic books ever. I read it over and over, even more than the other issues. The film develops this issue more fully than any of the others, and it was a good choice.) Rorschach fighting the police in Moloch's apartment building. Nite Owl and SIlk Spectre making the decision to suit up and go into the night. The prison beak.

I also like the way that the film enhances some of the comic book scenes. With an actor, you get changing facial expressions, the sound of a voice, and an effect that is much more subtle than what you can get from a comic book. Several scenes that don't particularly stand out in the comic book have become my favorite parts of the movie. The best example is the talk between Dr. Manhattan and Silk Spectre on Mars. In the comic book (Issue #9), this scene doesn't quite work for me the way it is supposed to. Several panels are dialogue-heavy, and I don't quite buy into Dr. Manhattan's reasoning for saving Earth. I think he's just making up a bunch of sentimental gibberish because he doesn't want to admit to Silk Spectre (or himself?) that he really is just an old softie who is still very attached to his old, mortal self.

But in the movie, it works as intended. Billy Crudup is brilliant and very convincing. With his soft-spoken manner and his subtle facial changes, I find this to be a very effective scene, one of my favorites in the movie. My eyes get a little wet every time I see it. The whole scene sends tingles up my spine. (The other moment that makes me tear up a little is at the end, where the first Silk Spectre tells her daughter that she couldn't be mad at the Comedian because "he gave me you.")

I also get tingles from: The opening credits sequence; the use of music, whether it's based on Alan Moore's music choices or not (The soundtrack has "The Black Freighter" from "The Threepenny Opera," but it's not in the movie); the origin stories; Bubastis; Rorschach and Nite Owl busting up the bar and then flying to Antarctica; and almost everything else, to tell the truth.

There has been some silly criticism of the film. I can hardly deny that everyone has a right to their opinion, but I have seen so many uninformed opinions on "Watchmen" that I can't help but think that a lot of movie critics are trying - very hard - to find something wrong with "Watchmen." One reviewer said the source material is known for its graphic sex and violence, and I've been wondering what definition of "graphic sex and violence" is being used here. I also read that Snyder's musical cues are annoying and not very clever, a criticism presumably written by someone who didn't know - or care to find out - that the source material uses "musical cues" - in written form - and that Snyder uses some of the exact music that Moore tried to evoke in the comic book version. One reviewer chided the film for only appealing to fanboys. Another reviewer said the exact opposite, that it WOULDN'T appeal to fanboys because it changed the ending.

And so on and on it went. I think these people went to the wrong movie. Perhaps they should have sat through "Hotel for Dogs" again.

My favorite comments - and these came not from professional critics but from regular attendance-paying moviegoers (most of whom hadn't seen the movie yet) - were about Dr. Manhattan's penis. I lost track of the number of people who said to me something along the lines of: "My friend saw it and he/she thinks a lot of people will have problems with Dr. Manhattan's blue junk all the time." The first time I saw it, I thought Dr. Manhattan was going to be walking around with a big, erect, blue willy and there were going to be numerous gratuitous close-ups of the big blue johnson. As if the director were saying: "Oooo! Look how edgy we are! We got a big, blue cock in our movie!"

But no. There's a naked blue guy and he walks around you see his flaccid, turquoise wee-wee a few times.

Grow up, America!

I guess the average moviegoer can be excused for a bit of shellshock from effects of the blue penis. But the professional film critics? I just can't muster much sympathy for them. I don't get the idea that they read (or understood) the source material. All they know is movies and, really, they frequently don't offer up much evidence that they know much about that.

BLUE PENIS!

I, THE AUDIENCE: All the movies I saw in 2008

2009-01-02T13:05:00.000-08:00

I had cable and a DVR until the end of August, so I watched a lot of movies. Some days I would watch three or four or five movies because I had loaded up the DVR with old movies from Turner Classic and I had to start making room. Didn't I?

1915-1920

1915 – Fatty and Mabel’s Simple Life * Fatty’s Chance Acquaintance * Mabel’s Willful Way – 1916 – Intolerance – 1917 – Reckless Romeo – 1918 – The Cook * The Blue Bird – 1919 – The Busher – 1920 – The Toll Gate * Number Please?

1921-1930

1921 – Now or Never * Leap Year * The Wildcat – 1922 – Phantom – 1923 – Why Worry? – 1924 – The Last Laugh – 1925 – The Movies – 1926 – Don Juan * Champagne – 1927 – Show People * Mr. Wu * Sunrise – 1928 – The Tempest – 1929 – The Squall * Queen Kelly * Their Own Desire – 1930 – Warfront 1918 * The Floradora Girl * The Big House * Outward Bound * Night Owls * Brats * Blotto * Hog Wild * The Land of Missing Men * Animal Crackers

1931-1940

1931 – The Miracle Woman * Daughter of the Dragon * Blonde Crazy * The Last Flight * Night Nurse * Dracula (Spanish-language version) – 1932 – The Crowd Roars * Red Headed Woman * The Music Box * Freaks * Haunted Gold * Life Begins * Number Seventeen – 1933 – Employees’ Entrance * Dancing Lady * A Study in Scarlet * Queen Christina – 1934 – Of Human Bondage * Bachelor Bait * Hide-Out * The Woman in Red * The Cat’s-Paw * The Man Who Knew Too Much * Maniac * The Lost Jungle – 1935 – Tit for Tat * Roberta * West Point of the Air * Captain Blood * The Dawn Rider – 1936 – Things to Come * Theodora Goes Wild * Anthony Adverse * The Glory Trail * The Tunnel * Marihuana * Charlie Chan at the Circus * China Clipper * Dracula’s Daughter * Secret Agent * Sabotage – 1937 – Marked Woman * Way Out West * Think Fast, Mr. Moto – 1938 – Boy Meets Girl * The Adventures of Tom Sawyer * Block-Heads – 1939 – Torchy Goes to Chinatown * Mr. Wong in Chinatown * You Can’t Get Away With Murder * Stagecoach – 1940 – Doomed to Die * Phantom of Chinatown * Stranger on the Third Floor

1941-1950

1941 – Robot Pilot * Billy the Kid * I Killed that Man * Road to Zanzibar – 1942 – Once Upon a Honeymoon * Flying Tigers * Mrs. Miniver – 1943 – The Living Ghost * Ghost Ship * The Hard Way – 1944 – They Were Expendable * House of Frankenstein – 1945 – The Scarlet Clue – 1946 – Secret of the Whistler – 1947 – Fiesta – 1948 – Fort Apache * The Velvet Touch – 1949 – Sands of Iwo Jima * Knock on Any Door * Take Me Out to the Ball Game * Mighty Joe Young – 1950 – To Please a Lady

1951-1960

1951 – The Unknown World – 1952 – Limelight * Million Dollar Mermaid * Big Jim McClain * Mesa of Lost Women – 1953 – Cat Women of the Moon * Dangerous When Wet * The Earrings of Madame de … – 1954 – Young at Heart * Witness to Murder * The Seven Samurai – 1955 – The Bridges at Toko-Ri * Ordet – 1956 – The Red Balloon * The Pursuit of the Graf Spee * The Man Who knew Too Much – 1957 – A King in New York * A Face in the Crowd * 3:10 to Yuma – 1958 – The Fearmakers * The Vikings – 1959 – Hercules Unchained * The Amazing Transparent Man – 1960 – Never on Sunday * Shoot the Piano Player

1961-1970

1961 – The Return of Dr. Mabuse * Yojimbo – 1962 – La Jetee * King Kong vs. Godzilla * This Is Not a Test * Sanjuro – 1963 – Jason and the Argonauts * The Terror of Rome Against the Son of Hercules – 1964 – Evil Brain from Outer Space * Frontier Hellcat * Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster – 1965 – Wild, Wild Planet * The Eye of the Devil * Bunny Lake Is Missing * Simon of the Desert * Ship of Fools * Dogora – 1966 – Lord Love a Duck * What’s Up, Tiger Lily? * Billy the Kid vs. Dracula * The X From Outer Space * Frozen Alive * War of the Monsters – 1967 – The President’s Analyst * Barbarella – 1968 – Will Penny * The Lion in Winter * Night Fright * King Kong Escapes * Destroy All Monsters * Superargo – 1969 – The Maltese Bippy * Take the Money and Run – 1970 – Blind Woman’s Curse * Start the Revolution Without Me * Too Late the Hero

1971-1980

1971 – Mrs. Polifax – Spy * Godzilla’s Revenge * Escape from the Planet of the Apes – 1972 – Night of the Lepus * Blacula * Doomsday Machine – 1973 – The Day of the Jackal * Sex and Fury * Scream, Blacula, Scream * Soylent Green * Idaho Transfer – 1974 – The Groove Tube – 1975 – Rollerball * Three Days of the Condor – 1976 – Ai-No Corrida – 1977 – The Cassandra Crossing * Saturday Night Fever – 1978 – Animal House – 1979 – Star Odyssey – 1980 – The Apple * City of Women

1981-1990

1981 – The Hand – 1982 – Blade Runner * Young Doctors in Love – 1983 – Prisoners of the Lost Universe – 1984 – Heimat * Warriors of the Wasteland – 1985 – Teen Wolf – 1986 – Cold War Killers – 1987 – Hamburger Hill – 1988 – Big Top Pee Wee – 1989 – Heathers – 1990 – Frankenstein Unbound

1991-2000

1991 – The Silence of the Lambs – 1992 – Reservoir Dogs – 1993 – Romeo Is Bleeding – 1994 – Ed Wood * Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle – 1995 – Species – 1996 – Alien Species – 1997 – Gattaca – 1998 – The Big Lebowski – 1999 – Water Drops on Burning Rocks * Office Space * Boondock Saints * Olive the Other Reindeer – 2000 – Coyote Ugly * Snatch * Audition

2001-2008

2001 – Lost and Delirious – 2002 – Attack of the Clones – 2003 – Honey – 2004 – Twisted – 2005 – Watch the Skies! * Chicken Little * Jesus Is Magic * Match Point – 2006 – Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World * Volver * Thank You for Smoking – 2007 – I Am Legend * Atonement * Death Proof * Planet Terror * The Simpsons – 2008 – Untraceable * Miss Austin Regrets * Expelled * Baby Mama * Speed Racer * Get Smart * The Dark Knight * Tropic Thunder * Hamlet 2 * Hellboy II * Iron Man * The Incredible Hulk * Burn After Reading * The Duchess * RocknRolla * Changeling * Transporter 3 * The Spirit * Barbie in A Christmas Carol

Tuesday's Monday Mini-Concert

2008-12-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

This is weird: Josie and the Pussycats performing "Chick Habit." Awesome!

I love this song: "The Happening"

Opening titles for the film "What's New, Pussycat?" The movie is highly recommended for about a billion reasons.

Good Morning Starshine

"People Got To Be Free" by the Rascals

And for a bit of a change of pace, The Tennessee Bird Walk. The video was created by kids aged 9 to 12. This song brings back memories for me because I used it to sign off when I was a DJ at a country radio station in Richmond, Indiana, circa 1986.

Sarah Palin talks turkey

2008-11-21T12:34:00.000-08:00

I put a moratorium on talking about or making fun of Sarah Palin. She's just SO MUCH FUN that I didn't want to risk overdoing it. I want her to have a looooong shelf-life as a prominent Republican so that the GOP will be the minority party until they just disappear from the ridicule and disgust of honest decent people.

But I told myself that it was OK to mention her if she did something SPECIAL, something that just can not be ignored, something really spectacularly wingnutty.

And then she went and did this interview for an Alaska news broadcast.

Thank you, Gov. Palin. I offer it as proof that God loves America because he gave you to the Republicans.

Advice for Republicans for 2012

2008-11-09T14:04:00.000-08:00

(Cross-posted at Daily Kos and My Left Wing.)

The Grand Old Party looked more old than grand on Election Day as the Democrats played schoolyard keepaway and made the Republicans run home crying for mommy. (But Nancy Reagan was too busy accepting an apology from Barack Obama for his mean mean politically incorrect remark about seances.) Obama and Joe Biden ate John McCain's lunch on Nov. 4, and it looks like the hockey mom packed something tasty because the president-elect and the vice president-elect sure looked happy. They had the same big smiles that all honest decent Americans were wearing.

The conservative program took quite a beating and the"liberals" (also known as "regular people") delivered a devastating blow to the GOP in the presidency, the Senate and the House of Representatives. The nation and, just as important, the world liked what they saw and breathed a sigh of relief that - no matter what the future brings - the government of the most powerful country in the world is no longer being run by a very unattractive combination of crazy Christian fundamentalists and insane immoral oil executives.

So the GOP is asking 'what happened?' Shameless religious hypocrisy and transparent economic sophistry have never hampered the Republicans before!

Conservative commentators are blathering on and on with a number of vapid and laughable (and often contradictory) talking points, trying to find some way to minimize the true import of this humiliating and embarrassing defeat.

But if they really want to have a chance to take power in this country ever again, conservatives must be a little more realistic and face a few unpleasant facts about the delusional aspects of some of their talking points and the long-term pragmatic nature of the American people. I think elections could get very boring if the GOP continues its mindless and increasingly ineffective flailing - imagine a 2012 election where presidential candidate Sen. Sarah Palin, R-Alaska, only gets the electoral votes of Alaska, Utah, Oklahoma and Mississippi! - so, as a public service to America's political junkies everywhere, I have typed up some advice for the GOP that they should heed if they are interested in participating in the project to make America a better place for everyone instead of merely a paradise for wealthy Republicans without conscience:

Tone down the name-calling and the hate-mongering.
Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin spoke of a "real America," an America that seemed to be populated only by the good citizens who were stupid enough to fall for her dubious charms, implying that everyone who could see that she's a joke isn't a "real American." Iowa Sen. Tom Harkin's opponent called him "al-Qaeda's Tokyo Rose." Sen. Elizabeth Dole, R-N.C., called her opponent "godless" in campaign ads. And inane and deceitful attacks on Obama - from calling him everything from a socialist to the Black Hitler to a terrorist to the Anti-Christ to a radical Chrisitian separatist - were too numerous to start enumerating here.

The GOP went too far. Clearly. They looked like immature schoolyard bullies. They looked a bit unhinged, to be frank about it. Yes, it's true that this childish drivel has worked in the past - for example, the 2004 swift-boating of John Kerry and the shrill attempts in 2000 to paint Al Gore as a pathological liar - and there will always be a certain percentage of committed meatheads (the people who support President George W. Bush no matter what havoc his presidency wreaks on the nation) who will always be swayed by childish nonsense, no matter how blatant. These are Abraham Lincoln's "some of the people" who can be fooled "all of the time."

But the GOP should realize: You need more votes than those that can be provided by the committed meatheads. It is true that sometimes the deficit between real GOP votes and real Democratic votes can be made up through election fraud (such as in 2000 and 2004) or judicial activism (2000). But you can't always count on that when you have shown you can't govern effectively. The GOP got lazy. And they paid at the polls in 2008.

When the name-calling and the hate-mongering stop working, stop doing it.
Many conservative voters clearly don't care too much about hateful rhetoric: Look at the success of the Mormon hatemongers and their successful infestation of California with advertisements full of lying filth about Proposition 8. That worked, and Jesus has not stopped vomiting at the gullibility and silliness of many people who claim very loudly to be his followers.

But the backlash against the childish drivel of Sarah Palin and Elizabeth Dole and so many other GOP leaders was immediate and deafening. Yet they kept on. It made them look stubborn and stupid, and was all too similar to George Allen in Virginia in 2006 when he tried to back off his racist 'macaca' statement by saying he meant to say "Mohawk" ... to someone who wasn't wearing a Mohawk. Many conservatives who have no problem with blatant and not-so-blatant bigotry will think twice about voting for a stupid person, or about voting for someone who treats conservative voters as if they are stupid - See Sarah Palin, popularity of, for a major exception - even if they are largely sympathetic with his or her bigotry.

The blizzard of bigotry that issued forth in the last few weeks of the 2008 campaign did not make any inroads on the coming Democratic stampede, but the GOP kept right on mouthing their transparent idiocy. They clutched at straws, like a wayward outlier poll that showed McCain five or 10 points ahead, and refused to get it into their thick heads that it wasn't working. The GOP looked lost and out-of-touch. Even John McCain's half-hearted attempts to appear reasonable - such as when he corrected the woman who said Obama was an Arab - made McCain look like a man who had lost control of his party.

Yes, the hate-mongering energized the base, but was that REALLY a good thing? Imagine all the uncommitted, independent and/or low-information voters who had just started to pay attention in September or October. What did they see? Among other things, they saw Sarah Palin - hyped as the saviour of the party - getting punked by Katie Couric and speaking to large groups that looked like Klan rallies (just a few weeks after GOP commentators were telling us that big groups were a bad thing for Obama because it made him look like a mere rock star).

Those independent voters dropped their jaws and bugged out their eyes at what they saw. The "liberals" they knew were NOT exaggerating at how bad the Republicans are. The independents scratched their heads at GOP overkill about things like Bill Ayers, Rev. Wright, Tony Rezko, the terrorist fist-jab, Michelle Obama's alleged "whitey" comment, the "bitter" comment, arugula, Obama's "elitism," and other items from the GOP's neverending list of gibberish.

Maybe the Democrats would have been as bad about making stuff up if McCain and Palin hadn't been such easy targets on so many issues. But doesn't it say something about the Democrats that they didn't have to make stuff up?

Pick better slogans.
"Country First" was not really a very good slogan for the GOP. I think it back-fired. Millions of people who might have been eager to vote for the GOP's mindless jingoism and half-assed economic theories may have stopped for a minute and thought, "Country first? What does that mean, really?" and stopping and thinking is VERY BAD for the GOP. Millions of voters came to the conclusion that "Country First" meant only one thing and that one thing was "Obama." (Try something like "Piss off the hippies. Vote Republican!" THAT would work. Everybody hates hippies.)

Another problem with the "Country First" slogan was the way that it confused many voters in the GOP's major demographics. They were offended that "Western" wasn't tied for first or at least mentioned as second. These people split their votes between Bob Barr, Ron Paul, Alan Keyes and Chuck Norris. ("Piss off the hippies. Vote Republican!" would have worked very well with these people.)

Take some responsibility.
Just a little bit. Just every now and again. You don't have to make a habit of it. It's just that it looks good for the "party of personal responsibility" to take a little responsibility for its massive failures. Let's have fewer smug GOP nitiwts claiming "George W. Bush is a liberal" and then acting like this lame sophistry is some kind of clever observation. Don't blame black homebuyers and liberal policies for the mortgage meltdown. Don't blame 9-11 for the economic crisis. Don't blame the Democrats and/or the Clintons and/or Jimmy Carter and/or "the liberal media" and/or liberal bloggers and/or Michael Moore and/or George Soros and/or Jon Stewart for 9-11/rising unemployment/North Korea's nukes/Ted Stevens' corruption trial/Larry Craig's arrest in an airport bathroom/unfavorable coverage of the chimp of a president you put forward as the best guy for the job in 2000 and 2004/anything else.

Thus far, GOP hand-wringing over having their butts handed to them by the Democrats on Nov. 4 looks like the same old delusional douchebaggery that got the GOP in this hole. It may be better for the country if they just keep digging. But it might make the next 30 or 40 years pretty boring.

Govern more effectively.
By which I mean, govern effectively. Even a little bit. A little bit of effective government would have gone a long way to shoring up the votes of the nitwits who flock to the GOP and vote against their own interests every time. (Well, almost every time.) Fewer Asian quagmires. More effective management of the "necessary" quagmires. Fewer economic crises. Less helpless flailing-about in the face of natural disasters. Fewer major terrorist attacks on major American cities. (I think one is too many. The Bush Administration had three in one day, which Republicans may find acceptable (especially considering how effectively they manipulated national sorrow).)

Better choices for party leadership.
I know this one is really difficult because, after all, you only have Republicans to choose from. But, really. George W. Bush was really the best choice the GOP had in 2000 and 2008? Really? (And they expect people to treat them seriously when the only real talents they've shown are fooling really stupid people all of the time, fooling merely stupid people some of the time, and stealing elections to get a mentally challenged frat boy into the White House?)

Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., truly WAS the best choice in 2008, and the media version of McCain probably really would have been a good choice. (Either McCain changed a lot since the 1990s or he never was that media version. I suspect the latter.)

That McCain was the best choice highlights one of the biggest problems with today's GOP: They can really get all misty-eyed and laudatory about some very mediocre - at best - political personalities. (Like Ronald Reagan and Dick Nixon.) Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney could probably play statesmen on television, and they can at least pass a cursory examination by your average, uninformed, mainstream media-watching American voter. (Probably.) But Fred Thompson? Mike Huckabee? (I can't believe how far we are from the bottom of the list.) George Allen was mentioned as presidential material as recently as 2004. Getting away from presidential politics, the GOP has slime like Sen. Saxby Chambliss, R-Ga., nitwits like Sen. Jim Inhofe, R-Okla., and particularly unappealing combinations of sliminess and nitwittery like Sen. Norm Coleman, R-Minn., and Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska.

No wonder Sarah Palin didn't look so bad to a lot of Republicans.

When someone makes fun of Sarah Palin, laugh.
She's a joke. The GOP really needs to get a sense of humor about some of their prominent figures. It's probably acceptable for them to act like they don't get it when some mean liberal makes fun of something like Ted Stevens' hilarious "Intertubes" memo, but they look really uptight, stubborn, out-of-touch and downright deluisonal when they get their panties in a twist because those mean liberals are making fun of Sarah Palin.

I saw an in-house editorial in a conservative newspaper that criticized "Saturday Night Live" for making fun of Sarah Palin. They called SNL a "comedy" show. Yes, they actually put comedy in quotes, as if it wasn't really funny to mock Sarah Palin so extravagantly. Those quote marks, very characteristic of many conservative commentators as they defended Sarah Palin with a series of increasingly unconvincing talking points and sophistries, gave that newspaper the appearance of isolation, lockstep partisanship, unexplainable self-importance and a little more than a touch of mental derangement.

Sarah Palin is not the dumbest prominent Republican. (That would be Mike Huckabee.) Palin is actually very smart ... for a Republican, especially for an Alaskan Republican. But she can be very easy to mock. Denying that obvious fact is not a good strategy for Republicans if they want to look relevant or competent or informed.

It's OK for conservatives to defend their heroes, no matter how lame (Ronald Reagan)and undeserving (Ronald Reagan) they may be to an objective observer. But there is a limit to what a GOP partisan can expect to get away with if he or she wants to dodge ridicule and remain a relevant and respected political voice. It is probably acceptable to relax and laugh at Sarah Palin's numerous grammatical and geographic difficulties, then claim that it doesn't really matter. "Liberals" can disagree with this, but it won't be so easy for them to characterize GOP partisans as delusional, stupid, out-of-touch and mindlessly authoritarian if these same GOP partisans only admit that Sarah Palin is frequently unintentionally hilarious.

Sarah Palin is young enough and ambitious enough and even charismatic enough (to a certain type of stupid person) that she may well be with us for several presidential cycles. So the GOP would be wise to heed this advice to avoid looking stupid and stubborn just to defend the potential future face of conservative America and the Republican Party.

Endnote
Fortunately for America and the world, the very features that make conservatism and conservatives so dangerous, destructive and unappealing generally preclude pragmatism and self-criticism. Honest, decent people of the world probably don't have to worry too much about conservatives developing smarts enough to successfully disguise the more disgusting aspects of their ideology and their plans for America and the world.

I, THE AUDIENCE: King Kong vs. Godzilla

2008-10-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time I ever heard of "King Kong vs. Godzilla."

I was probably about eight years old, rummaging through the TV Guide to see what Channel 4 (in Indiana) was showing in the way of monster movies over the weekend, and there it was: "King Kong vs. Godzilla."

I think I decided right then and there that it was not only my favorite movie, but it also HAD to be the best movie ever made. I hadn't even seen it yet!

But it was right there in the title. This movie had King Kong AND Godzilla! What else do you need?

So I watched it, and, yes, there was a time in my life when this movie was the ultimate accomplishment of world cinema. Yes, I was just old enough to recognize that the film has its flaws, notably the inadequacies of the Kong suits - especially the one they used for close-ups. And I knew that Godzilla was much, much bigger than the classic King Kong of the 1933 film. (Not to mention: Kong died in the 1933 film. Come to think of it, Godzilla died, too, in his first movie! These Hollywood types are pulling a fast one!)

Whatever.

"King Kong vs. Godzilla" is a profoundly silly movie with very few action scenes, bad ape suits, lots of talk, natives played by Japanese extras in black face, King Kong drunk on juice made from giant berries, lovely Japanese miniatures, great scenes of panicky Japanese fleeing the monsters wandering around their islands, amusing scientific explanations and some nice shots of Mt. Fuji.

And King Kong shoots lightning bolts ... for some reason.

And it has Mie Hama and Akiko Wakabayashi, two Japanese actresses that we here at MMC love because they are in so many of our favorite 1960s films. (Both are in "You Only Live Twice" and "What's Up, Tiger Lily?" Hama is in "King Kong Escapes." Wakabayashi is in "Ghidrhah, the Three-Headed Monster." That's just off the top of my head.)

I have heard that "King Kong vs. Godzilla" is the most profitable Japanese movie ever made. It was probably true as recently as ten or twenty years ago. (I should probably look this up.)

There are so many reason to love this movie that its negatives are quickly averaged out of contention.

Some time ago, I mentioned that I was having a hard time picking my favorite Japanese movie. There are so many from which to choose! And part of the problem is that some of them are favorites from childhood that I haven't seen for a long time.

I finally got back to that film festival I was talking about. I got a couple of these films from Netflix and some from Amazon (I decided I needed my own copies of "King Kong vs. Godzilla" and "Ghidrhah, the Three-Headed Monster.") and over the next few weeks, I'm going to mull it over.

My nominees:
"Ikiru"
"Tokyo Story"
"The Seven Samurai"
"Yojimbo"
"Female Convict Scorpion: Prisoner 701"
"Female Convict Scorpion: Jailhouse 41"
"Lady Snowblood"
"Sex and Fury"
"King Kong vs. Godzilla"
"Ghidrhah, the Three-Headed Monster"
"Destroy All Monsters"
"Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster" - (This really shouldn't be a contender, but I have a considerable soft spot for it because it was the first Godzilla movie I saw in a theater. And it aspires to a rare kind of goofy cinematic greatness.)

If anybody is outraged by what I might have left out, please drop me a line. You may know of something I've forgotten, or you may know of something I haven't seen.

Sayonara!

Sarah Palin: Did the Repugs pull a fast one?

2008-09-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

The choice of the woefully-unprepared Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as the running mate for GOP Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., has me - and many others, for all I know(*) - wondering if the GOP has something up its sleeve.

Is it possible that the Republicans could REALLY be this inept? Are they REALLY so shamelessly irresponsible that they would hang such an artless, untalented nitwit albatross like Gov. Palin around the neck of Sen. McCain? (Yes, I know they continually show themselves to be irresponsible in the way they treat our country and the troops, but they usually protect the party a little better than that.)

Such incompetence is endemic in they way they govern, but they usually campaign better than that, aiming as they usually do at the stupid Americans who vote for them enthusiastically, and trying to come with sophistry that makes a little bit of sense to the uninformed independent voters who fall for lame stunts like the Purple Heart band-aids that the Republican delegates were wearing so proudly at the 2004 GOP convention despite how insulting they were to the men that the GOP likes to send overseas to die for no very good reason.

So the Palin misstep seems a little out-of-character. Are they really THAT lame? Or are they up to something?

I have a theory ...

Sarah Palin is not the real choice.

The GOP strategy is based on grandstanding and photo-ops and drama - why should this year be any different? - and they are going to lay another stunt on us in the next few days. McCain will soon announce that Palin is dropping out for family reasons. (This will serve two purposes: 1) They can get Palin out of the way; and 2) they can blame those mean liberals - in the media and politics - for just being so rude and uncivil that far too many qualified and brilliant citizens - such as Sarah Palin - feel they can't participate in national politics. (Watch them try to keep a straight face as they cover for Palin ... then start repeating their lame talking points that Obama: 1) is the black Hitler; 2) is a black radical Christian separatist; 3) is the most liberal senator in the history of the wooooorld!; 4) is an elitist who hates coffee and regular lettuce; 5) is the Anti-Christ; 6) is the liberal messiah; or 7) fill in the blank with the GOP sophistry de jour.))

Then they announce the real candidate.

I don't know who it is. But this is where you see the real brilliance of the tactic. ANYBODY looks like a great pick compared to Gov. Palin! She set the bar so low that even George W. Bush by comparison approaches an illusion of coherence.

So ANY of those other corrupt, transparent, dishonest dimwits that the GOP was trying to pass off as presidential material will look positively statesman-like in the wake of the Palin debacle. Mitt Romney, Rudolph Giuliani, Fred Thompson, Mike Huckabee ...

Well, maybe not Huckabee.

But the others will fit in quite nicely, and having a vice presidential candidate who can string words into a sentence and can name a Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade may give McCain just the boost he needs with voters who are smart enough to see through Palin but not smart enough to figure out what a hollow sham the Republican Party is as a whole.

Even Joe Lieberman will look good. At least he doesn't look at you, weird and shocked, when you seem dubious about the proposition that proximity to the most remote part of Russia gives you automatic foreign policy cred.

(*) Special thanks to Jonah Goldberg for this neat trick. I slyly qualify my statement with "for all I know" so that my original statement becomes part of the narrative, but I've given myself a little cover in case somebody calls me on it.

Monday Mini-Concert

2008-08-14T17:19:00.000-07:00

(On Thursday)

Joan Jett - Do You Wanna Touch

Nena - Ninety-Nine Red Balloons

Edith Piaf - La Vie en Rose

Lillian Roth - Low Down

Lupe Velez - I Always Get My Man

Nana Mouskouri and Joe Dassin - Guantanamera

Bonus track: Guantanamera - in Japanese

Super bonus track: Your Bird Can Sing - Beatles cartoon

Where does McCain get all those wonderful ideas?

2008-08-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

McCain's speechwriting staff plaigarizes from wikipedia.

And yet, somehow, magically, in the wingnut mind, Barack Obama is the empty suit, the man of no substance, whose lack of experience we just can't trust.

(Funny how all the people so concerned about Obama's alleged lack of experience had no such concerns about George W. Bush in 2000, when he had been known on the national scale for a much shorter time than the Barack Obama of 2008. "Conservative" and "consistency" are close together in the dictionary - and nowhere else.)

Good walls make good neighbors ...

2008-08-05T12:09:00.000-07:00

... and the surge is working.

Just keep saying it. Over and over.

The surge is working.

The surge is working.

An Iraqi journalist begs to differ. See his YouTube presentation here.

WARNING: Not approved by John McCain, Dick Cheney, Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter or Wolf Blitzer. Do not go here if you don't like opposing views. Just keep saying it: The surge is working. Or:

Barack Obama is a secret Muslim. Or:

Barack Obama is a radical Christian separatist. Or:

Barack Obama is an elitist. Or:

Barack Obama is inexperienced. Or:

Barack Obama is too uppity. (Sorry. I meant to say presumptuous.) Or:

Barack Obama is a celebrity, just like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton. Or:

Barack Obama is the black Hitler. Or:

Barack Obama is _____________. (Fill in the blank with conservative talking point/media narrative of the week.)

Pick one, or two, or ten. And keep repeating until the election. And remember that everyone who disagrees with you is a traitor who hates America and loves Osama bin Laden.

I, THE AUDIENCE: Soylent Green is people!

2008-07-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

It's people! It really is people! It's made out of people!

Yow, but I love "Soylent Green."

The movie, not the food. (I'm not disparaging the food. I've never had it. I'm sure it's quite tasty. Within the context of the film at least. Look at the way the people of the future were bolting it down. And when they ran out, they had to bring in the steam shovels to break up the rioting.)

Charlton Heston is so great in this movie. As much as I like "Ben Hur" and "The Ten Commandments," Charlton Heston is a movie god to me for some of his later and more fantastic films. Specifically, "Planet of the Apes," "Beneath the Planet of the Apes," "The Omega Man" and "Soylent Green."

I saw it on TV when I was a kid, probably about 12, and I have always loved this movie. I saw it again a few days ago, and I remembered it very well for a movie I haven't seen for more than thirty years.

"Soylent Green is people!"

I want a T-shirt with that on it.

What is there not to love about this movie? A great story, a murder to solve, a frightening (and prophetic?) dystopian world, and a great ending, an image almost as representative of cinema as Harold Lloyd hanging off the clock. (Well, it should be.)

And what a great cast! "Soylent Green" IS people! Heston, Edward G. Robinson, Chuck Connors, Joseph Cotten, Leigh Taylor-Young (of "I Love You, Alice B. Toklas"), Paula Kelly.

I must admit, though, that I have never found this to be a very shocking premise. Even when I was a child, I wasn't particularly surprised or horrified that Soylent Green was made out of people. It seemed - and seems - to me to be a practical solution to the thorny problem of overpopulation.

Bring on the Soylent Green, I say.

If it bothers you, just repeat the talking points: "Soylent Green is made out of algae!"

Instant Karma

2008-07-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent me this.

We all shine on
Like the moon, the stars and the sun.

"See if you can guess what I am now?"

2008-07-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

I watched "Animal House" today. Yeah, sure it was from AMC and they cut out some of the bad words and nudity and stuff, but I've seen this movie a bunch of times (not lately) and I know it too well to be bothered too much.

One of a handful of films that made the late 1970s worthwhile.

Here's the cafeteria scene - in Italian.

Woman with offensive sign escorted from McCain event

2008-07-11T10:51:00.000-07:00

Video here.

Just what did the sign say?

McCain = Bush

Yeah, I can see why the McCain people might have a problem with that.

Still, I don't see what the big deal is. It's an obvious statement. And people who are so dumb they haven't figured it out yet are probably too dumb to read anyway.

(Oh, I'm sorry. Did I offend anyone? I know how sensitive conservatives can be when it suits them. I'll try to be more politically correct in the future.)

Old Hulk cartoon

2008-07-09T17:53:00.000-07:00

From the 1960s, Hulk fights the Leader ... for some reason ... over some gizmo ... or something ... and the army is trying to get the Hulk ... and I think Rick Jones and Betty Ross are worried and stuff.

One hundred years of solitude

2008-07-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

"Cien anyos de soledad," by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, is considered by some to be a highlight of twentieth-century literature. (In English, the title is "One hundred years of solitude." Comic book fans may know of Marquez from his reported influence on Los Bros. Hernandez of "Love and Rockets" fame.)

I'm currently reading it in Spanish. My Spanish isn't that good, but I am really enjoying it, with a little help from my Spanish-English dictionary and helpful Internet study guides. (From which I discovered that Rebeca really is carrying the bones of her parents in a bag, and she really does eat dirt when she gets upset.)

But this movie trailer makes me wonder if I'm really getting it.

I love baseball.

2008-06-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

And I put together a mini-concert about baseball.

Here's the The Brooklyn Dodgers.

If that song sounds familiar, it's because "The Simpsons" borrowed the tune for the softball episode/.

Jackie Gleason performing "Casey at the Bat."

Joltin' Joe DiMaggio

Centerfield

Play ball!

Just for fun ...

2008-06-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Ed Wood tonight.

Great movie. One of my favorites.

I went to YouTube to see if they have any footage from the original Ed Wood movies and I found the trailer for "Glen or Glenda?"

Enjoy.

"I'm voting Republican"

2008-06-12T00:03:00.000-07:00

This is hysterical.

If you really are voting Republican, please respond.

This country NEEDS the laughs that are available at your expense.

Big Yellow Taxi

2008-06-10T16:53:00.000-07:00

I love this song.

I hadn't heard it for a while but it was playing at Burger King today.

Here's a YouTube version.

Joni Mitchell rocks!

Tee hee.

2008-06-08T00:04:00.000-07:00

Bill O'Reilly sent an attack dog to get Bill Moyers.

The attack dog got OWNED!

Must see.

Ridiculing conservatives

2008-06-07T12:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I come across something that is so batshit insane that it, by itself, completely justifies my disgust with conservatives and my endless mockery of the Republican Party.

Apparently, America's two most famous America-haters, Barack and Michelle Obama, tapped knuckles at a recent event. And to conservative activists, this is a sign of imminent doom for America.

Read "The Pursuit of Dappiness" at Sadly, No.

One perceptive quote from a conservative commentator:

Our country will be in big trouble if he is elected!!! A video will be coming out of her telling “whitey to die”. Meaning white people! Higher taxes!!! Barack Hussein Obama??? A Muslim president??? We are fighting Muslim’s in Iraq for goodness sake!!! Come on people!

If you support America's ongoing and shameful transformation into a Nation of Bed-Wetters, by all means, vote for John McCain.

(Please, please, please, Lord! Have some crazy conservative find his or her way to my site to defend these nutcases! Such fun!)

Comic books are kind of dumb ...

2008-06-05T12:23:00.000-07:00

... at times.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Here's a site called "What were they thinking?" that has a little fun with Silver Age comics. What gets me is how many of these comics I've actually read ... and frequently didn't think too much about how dumb they are. A recent entry is about "The Living Beast-Bomb," a talking gorilla who theatens to blow up Gotham City (for some reason) and he straps bombs around himself (for some reason) and Batman has to hold him off the ground or he blows up and kills everybody.

I had this in a reprint in the 1970s and I never thought twice about it. Today it looks awfully dumb. (And I bet I still have that reprint. It also has a Titano story and a Grodd story and a Wonder Woman story where gorillas from outer space turn Wonder Woman into an ape ... for some reason.)

One of the best posts this guy ever did was on a story in Superman #7 where Superman goes to Gay City ...

I love it where the assignment editor tells Lois she can't go because: "It's too dangerous ... for a woman!"

On furries, cigars, skunks and conservatives ...

2008-05-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

and how the Greatest Generation proves that it hates America when it snubs right-wing cranks.

Yow!

I have nothing further to add to this subject.

Jane Austen's gay joke

2008-05-30T11:23:00.000-07:00

I have a become a big Jane Austen fan in the last year or so. She takes a jumble of things that should be mundane and trivial and she stuffs them with import, until the reader is breathlessly engaged, eagerly reading every word, flipping page to page to see what happens, and not too concerned or disappointed every time nothing happens.

Frequently, the major thing that happens in a chapter is something like: they have finally figured out where everyone will sit in the carriage with a minimum of shocked proprieties and wounded countenances.

Sometimes, the reader is surprised. For example, "Mansfield Park" has a gay joke.

In the following passage, Edmund and Miss Crawford are talking about the navy. Edmund's cousin is a midshipman, and Miss Crawford's uncle is an admiral. The admiral is kind of a dick, and Miss Crawford has good reasons to not like him, which prompts some inappropriate comments.

"Do you know any thing of my cousin's captain?" said Edmund; "Captain Marshall? You have a large acquaintance in the Navy, I conclude?"

"Among Admirals large enough; But" with an air of grandeur; "we know very little of the inferior ranks. Post captains may be very good sort of men, but they do not belong to us. Of various admirals, I could tell you a great deal; of them and their flags, and the gradations of their pay, and their bickerings and their jealousies. But in general, I can assure you that they are all passed over, and very ill used. Certainly, my home at my uncle's brought me acquainted with a circle of admirals. Of Rears and Vices, I saw enough. Now, do not be suspecting me of a pun, I entreat."

- Mansfield Park, Chapter VI

There is a note after Vices which directs the reader to the following endnote:

The Navy was divided into three squadrons - in order of seniority, the Red, the White, and the Blue. Once there had been only nine admirals, but by 1807 there were 166 flag-officers - admirals flying their own flags. In each fleet the lowest ranking flag-officer was Rear-Admiral of the Blue and the highest (and most highly paid) was Admiral of the Red (known as Admiral of the Fleet). The Admiral commanded the centre ships in the squadron, the vice-admiral those in the lead, and the rear-admiral commanded the ships in the rear. Nelson was made Rear-Admiral of the Blue in 1797, Rear-Admiral of the Red in 1799, and in 1801 he was Vice-Admiral of the White. Jane Austen's sailor brothers eventually became Queen Victoria's Admiral of the Fleet (Sir Francis Austen) and a Rear-Admiral (Charles Austen). Mary Crawford may deny any intention to pun, but her witticism (in fact a rather filthy joke) draws attention to the Royal Navy's wartime reputation for homosexual activity. See Arthur N. Gilbert, 'Buggery and the British Navy, 1700-1861', Journal of Social History 10 (1976), 72-98; and A.D. Harvey, 'Prosecutions for Sodomy in England at the Beginning of the Nineteenth Century', Historical Journal 21 (1978), 939-48.

Oh, Jane. You naughty thing, you.

And here I was, thinking that Jane Austen would faint if she ever suspected that men would ever do such a thing.

I, THE AUDIENCE: Species (1995)

2008-05-21T00:43:00.000-07:00

Extraterrestrials transmit Natasha Henstridge's DNA to Earth. Gandhi grows a human/alien hybrid with this DNA.

On the plus side: Subject looks like Natasha Henstridge.

On the minus side: Subject kills people and steals their credit cards. And cars. And clothes.

Gandhi assembles a team of professionals that includes Idi Amin, Mr. Blond and Diego Rivera to hunt down alien.

Movie doesn't really make sense. But then it doesn't seem to be trying very hard to make sense. This is not a minus.

A fun movie. It has a nude car-jacking.

McCain: The best the Republicans could do

2008-05-19T11:14:00.000-07:00

Are people REALLY considering voting for this man for president? Are they delusional? Do they hate America? Are they being paid by al Qaeda?

If you want to make Osama bin Laden's day, vote for John McCain. You know, just like both times George W. Bush was "elected."

Keith Olbermann's Special Comment on our psychopathic president

2008-05-14T19:41:00.000-07:00

This is must see.

Some people won't like this. I mean, if my mental and moral compass was so skewed that I was still defending the nitwits and crooks in the current administration, I wouldn't like it either.

I knew these guys were crooks and liars and thieves and fools before George W. Bush was elected president. You know how I could tell? The R's after their names.

Bill O'Reilly Flip-Out Dance Remix Party Video!!!

2008-05-14T15:23:00.000-07:00

This is hilarious!

WARNING: Bad words! Not suitable for people who are more upset at profanity than they are at a foreign policy that kills hundreds of thousands of people (including American soldiers) for no good reason.

Did I post this?

2008-05-12T10:40:00.000-07:00

Canadian Idiot.

Songs I can't get out of my head ...

2008-05-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

"La Ti Da" by the Icicles.

(It's from a Target commercial. If it sounds familiar, that's why.)

"I Don't Wanna Grow Up" by Scarlett Jonahnsson.

Yeah, THAT Scarlett Johansson. Apparently she did a cover album that's all Tom Waits songs.

AWESOME!

H.R. Pufnstuf theme.

No comment.

And just because ...

Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp.

The latter may be one of the greatest TV shows ever.

I, THE AUDIENCE: Dancing Lady

2008-05-05T13:20:00.000-07:00

Joan Crawford, Clark Gable, Fred Astaire, The Three Stooges ... No matter how bad it is, you can't go wrong!

In 1933 the young Joan Crawford was still in her dancing stage. A 1928 film called "Our Dancing Daughters" made her famous and she hoofed her way through a number of films in the late 1920s and early 1930s. Robert Osborne says that these were seldom all-out musicals like the kind with Astaire and Rogers. They might be dramas or comedies, and Joan was a girl who liked to dance or a show girl, and there might be two musical numbers.

So along came "Dancing Lady" in 1933. A spectacularly silly movie that WILL NOT NEGOTIATE! You accept it on its own terms or you go home. (And do something sensible.) "Dancing Lady" transcends your mundane conceptions of good and evil and it cares not a whit about your conventional thinking.

Janie Barlow (Joan Crawford) wants to dance. She really likes to dance. She's working at a burlesque house and it gets raided and she goes to jail half-naked. She gets pestered by a a smarmy arrogant rich guy. She pounds the pavement looking for that big break.

She gets a job in a show where Clark Gable is the director, Larry plays the piano, Curly is on percussion and Moe plays the spoons. (I'm not kidding!) She dances with Fred Astaire. The rich guy keeps bugging her. The show gets cancelled! The show is back on! She goes to Cuba! The main musical number is about beer and a flying carpet that transports Joan and Fred to a magical Biergarten in Bavaria!

It's like this:

Joan is Ginger Rogers.

Fred Astaire is Fred Astaire. (His character is actually named Fred Astaire. Clark calls him Freddy.)

Nelson Eddy is Nelson Eddy.

Franchot Tone is Franchot Tone.

Clark Gable is Busby Berkeley.

Ted Healey is the stage manager.

Larry Fine plays the piano.

Moe Howard and Curly Howard (billed as Jerry Howard) are stagehands who sit in with Larry for Joan's first audition. (Clark wants to get rid of her at first.)

Highly recommended for people who like those 1933 movies that make the Great Depression look like an acid flashback.

Robert Osborne says that Joan stopped doing the dancing thing because of dancing stars like Ginger Rogers and Eleanor Powell, and Joan realized she couldn't really compete. I don't know if it's true. But Joan did all right.

MUSHTOWN MEDIA CORP. BONUS JOAN CRAWFORD TRIVIA: Have you ever heard those persistent rumors that Joan Crawford was in a stag film to pay the bills before she was a star? Here's a few paragraphs about that from the Joan Crawford Encyclopedia.

Mad Mayday mini-concert

2008-05-01T11:35:00.000-07:00

Don't You Just Know It!

Boulevard

Holiday in Cambodia

Rawhide

California Uber Alles

The Man Who Sold the World

2008-04-30T21:58:00.000-07:00

I was coming out of the laundromat earlier today, and I saw the street people sitting by the dumpster.

They usually sit on the short dividing wall right next to the laundromat, but today it was very windy. Very windy! The Antelope Valley is a very windy place, but today Old Mother West Wind was blowing through Lancaster with a mad force, and the street people had nestled into the space between the dumpster and the wall because the wall is a little higher there and offered more protection from Old Mother West Wind.

Somebody had tossed an old green recliner next to the dumpster and one of the street people had snuggled into it and wrapped himself in a blanket and seemed on the verge of dozing off. (He was freezing, he said. He was so cold that, when the others were passing a cigarette around, he wouldn't take his hands out from under the blanket to hold the cigarette. Fortunately, the street people take care of each other; one of them held the cigarette to his lips so he could take a puff.)

The lady who calls me "Bookworm" was there. She gave me a book last week, a Reader's Digest history of America from the 1970s. I love that stuff! Lots of pictures! It is awesome! I thanked her for the book and told her how much I love that stuff! She was so happy that I liked the book! I wish it was always so easy to make people so happy! All I did was take a book and tell her I liked it. She is awesome!

The third guy had just spent his last fifty dollars on a guitar! At the pawn shop!

He was finishing up "The Man Who Sold the World," not really that well, but with a certain weary elegance that I found irresistible. He had a bit of a tendency to mix up the pronouns rather randomly. And, whenever he couldn't remember a phrase, he would throw in "we spoke of was and when" to fill the space.

I felt great joy listening to him, and then joining for the final chorus.

I asked him if he knew any other David Bowie songs and he sang one verse of "Space Oddity" (which he called "the Major Tom song") but he couldn't remember any more of it. So he switched over to The Beatles and played "Day Tripper."

And then I asked him to play "The Man Who Sold The World" again so I could hear all of it. I sang with him. It was delightful.

I laughed and shook his hand. I made my way back home. I searched for form and ham. For chips and beer I roamed. I gazed a gazely stare. At all the scallions there. I thought we died alone. A long long time ago.

Maybe we did.

It's such a great song that it doesn't matter who does it. Bowie, Kurt Cobaine, Lulu, The Bug Funny Music Foundation, me (all the time), or a street guy who spent his last fifty bucks on a guitar.

He said I was his friend.

Ben Stein's "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed"

2008-04-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

(No irony allowed either. Some people might think mean liberals surreptitiously added the sub-title.)

There was a time, before I saw "Expelled," that I was a happy, carefree youth, full of the joy of life, and optimistic that things would work out and that man will solve his problems by just applying a little energy and clearing away the ignorance with patience and understanding.

But, tragically, I then went and saw "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed," Ben Stein's "documentary" film. (Oops. Sorry. I put the quotes in the wrong place. I used the style that conservatives stick in place when they re-invent themselves as experts on documentary filmmaking every time Michael Moore makes another movie. Documentary "film" is what I should have written.)

It's not that Ben Stein has a different point of view that I find distressing. It's not the dishonesty or the rudeness or the continual reliance on logical fallacies, those favorite weapons of the right wing.

It's dull. And it's lame. The arguments in "Expelled" are even weaker than I had heard. It's like Ben Stein - who is supposed to be a smart man - is either so dumb that he thinks his movie is really full of "gotcha" moments against "Darwinists" and atheists, or he is a seriously dishonest hack who knows he is making a shitty movie for a handful of inbred fundamentalist idiots and thus doesn't care to put any more work into it than is absolutely necessary.

It is so depressing.

I will say this for the pathetic heap of sophistry: It is refreshing to see someone so candid, so forthright, so unapologetic about their agenda. Stein doesn't seem to care - not one little bit - about what honest, decent, intelligent people think.

What is intelligent design?

Where to begin? "Expelled" is such a disorganized heap of straw man arguments, red herrings and false dichotomies that it's a bit overwhelming to try and pick a place to dive in and start hacking away at the overpowering jungle of stupid that Ben Stein has offered up for consumption. First, I guess I'll try to figure out how Stein is trying to define "intelligent design."

He's all over the place on this. But I'll try to explain intelligent design and then tackle Stein's treatment of the subject.

Basically, intelligent design says that living things did not evolve, they were designed by ... uh, well, no one knows.

(I can see why Ben Stein had trouble with the definition. I've been following the babble of these folks for years and I'm having trouble finding enough relatively consistent attempts at a definition to attampt my own definition.)

It looks a lot like creationism. (Mostly because it is creationism.) Creationism just comes right out and says, "God did it." And there's really nothing wrong with saying that or thinking that.

It's just not a very useful way of describing the world, nor does it have any scientific use. None whatsoever.

Intelligent design comes in when creationists want to take their religious views and force them down the throats of public school children in science class. "Creationism" is blatantly religious. So the term "intelligent design" was designed to give creationism a new paint job so it could be fobbed off as science.

I'm not doing a very good job of describing intelligent design, am I? Well, that's mostly because ID proponents (sometimes called IDiots by people who have seen them for what they are) often don't seem to be very interested in doing any research or coming up with any research proposals or developing any hypotheses for testing.

It's not even defined well enough to be a pseudoscience. Phrenology has more credibility.

Doing any actual science is not the mission of the IDiots. Their real mission seems to be all about throwing out all sorts of nonsense and talking points about evolution, and the problems of Darwin's theory - either exaggerated or imaginary or fabricated - are offered as "evidence" that the truth must be intelligence design.

Stein, as a former water carrier for Nixon, should be very good at this. (He's not. But he's good enough for the nitwits that will embrace "Expelled.")

At one point, Stein says that all intelligent design says is that maybe, just maybe, the original spark of life at the dawn of time was what started life. He seems to be implying that evolution is completely consistent with intelligent design. "Big Science," as he so cleverly dubs it, is all bent out of shape by a mere word, and people are getting fired by the hundreds for daring to even utter the dreaded term "intelligent design."

Uh, right. That's all intelligent design is.

Here is Jonathan Wells, one of the ID proponents interviewed by Stein, with a quote NOT from the movie:

Father's [Sun Myung Moon's] words, my studies, and my prayers convinced me that I should devote my life to destroying Darwinism ...

That's completely compatible with evolution. Right, Ben? (And Ben didn't mention that Wells is a devotee of the Rev. Sun Myung Moon. Your religious views are only important if you are a foe of intelligent design.)

Of course, the movie also has Dr. Wells talking about micro-evolution. He will concede the existence of micro-evolution, the concept that evolution exists within species, but he will not accept what he calls macro-evolution, the idea that evolution can eventually result in a different species. (It has been said that this is like believing in inches but not in miles.)

This is directly at variance with Ben Stein's characterization that ID advocates are reasonable people who only believe in design at the atomic level, and, other than that, they are perfectly OK with evolution.

Of course, there probably are some IDiots who DO believe just that. There are a wide variety of beliefs among ID proponents. Is the Earth 4,000 years old? Or 13 billion years old? Do you believe in micro-evolution? Did God do it? Was it aliens?

No wonder Ben decided to shy away from that can of worms. Still, if you're going to make a whole movie about Intelligent Design, it might help your credibility a little if you make an effort to come up with some kind of consistent definition.

But doing actual science is not part of the mission, not for the IDiots and certainly not for Ben Stein.

For Stein (and intelligent design proponents in general), defining intelligent design with anything that remotely resembles scientific clarity is just not that important.

Which brings us to out next question:

Why are so many scientists so wary of intelligent design?

You know, it's not really the idea of intelligent design that bothers scientists. Intelligent design is a ridiculous and silly idea. But there are lots of silly, crazy ideas around, and as long as these ideas are kept in their place, they really pose no threat.

So it's not intelligent design itself.

It's the intelligent-design proponents. To a man, they are rogues and fools.

Consider ... Ben Stein.

One of the main talking points of intelligent design is that there are a lot of problems with evolution. Most of the ID advocates that Stein talks to, at some point, make the statement that evolution has problems.

In the theater, after the second or third time one of Stein's ID guys said this, I murmured, "Like what?"

Stein didn't ask.

The alleged problems with evolution were never addressed in the film.

The ID community has a pile of very unconvincing rubbish that they fling about when trying to cast doubts about evolution. I'm not going to start dissecting any of it here for one simple reason: Stein never addresses it. In a movie about the scientific community, fearful of intelligent design's coming assault on the ivy-covered walls of academia, Stein doesn't explain what intelligent design is, and then he doesn't try to persuade any of his guests to explain what's so wrong with evolution.

Well, I guess you could argue that the film isn't about that.

But then I think I could argue that there's a reason that the film isn't about that.

What is the film about?

It's about, near as I can tell, the way that "Big Science" is stifling debate by firing people who dare to mention intelligent design in the classroom.

We'll take a look at Stein's examples, the expelled, in a moment.

But for now, let's ask a question that Stein didn't ask:

Why would the scientific community be a little leery of intelligent design proponents?

I can only guess because Stein didn't really ask this question. He was positively gleeful in implying that scientists just hate God. He was all too eager to compare evolutionists to Nazis. But delving into the actual reasons for the disdain? Is this relevant in a movie about ID advocates losing their jobs? Could there be a reason?

Dr. P.Z. Myers did get to say that intelligent design had no scientific value. So we know that Myers is kind of contemptuous of intelligent design.

But why? Why is he contemptuous?

Stein, again, didn't ask.

Where was the debate on the scientific value of intelligent design? Several ID proponents were given lots of time to repeat themselves on evolution and to play the martyr with regard to "Big Science." "Darwinists" were given a chance to, uh, answer some silly, leading questions from Stein. So why didn't Stein make an effort to get them together for a debate?

Part of the reason is that Myers and Richard Dawkins and other "Darwinists" were interviewed under false pretenses. The actual content of the film was not explained to them when they were asked to appear on the film. That made it hard for a real debate and a real discussion to take place, didn't it? But I'm sort of under the impression that Ben Stein didn't care about that.

It's all too typical of ID proponents. The science blogs are full of endemic dishonesty on the part of ID proponents. Long after their lies and logical fallacies are exposed, they continue to repeat their drivel about "irreducible complexity" and "teach the controversy" and similar nonsense. (Here's a link about some of the myths about evolution and creationism.)

Just start looking around on the science blogs. You'll be seeing names like Behe and Dembski, and you'll read about their nonsense. Later in this article, we'll be talking about some of the folks who were "expelled." But for now, let's stick to Stein.

If "Big Science" is hostile to the IDiots, they have good reason.

(It would have been nice if Stein had thought of this. He's not very bright. He can't even find the address of the Discovery Institute in Seattle. He was apparently under the impression that it was the size of the Taj Mahal. Not sure why. I was thinking, look in the phone book, dude.)

What's another tactic of the intelligent-design proponents? They love to muddy the waters with a lot of garbage, hence statements like, "If man evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?"

Ben Stein avoids that one. His favorite color of herring is red, and his favorite red herring is abiogenesis.

What does abiogenesis have to with evolution?

Good question. Too bad Stein didn't ask it.

This is going to be a short section. What does abiogenesis have to do with evolution?

The answer is: Nothing.

Abiogenesis is the study of the origins of life. It's a bunch of hypotheses about Earth several billions years ago and the transformation of chemicals into more complex chemicals and simple proteins and, eventually, the first cells.

It wasn't something Darwin spent much time on.

So why did Ben Stein spend a huge chunk of his movie asking evolutionary biologists about abiogenesis, which isn't evolution, instead of asking them about evolution? You know, their scientific specialty. The reason for the movie.

I would guess it's either: A) Ben Stein is a moron who doesn't know that these are different branches of science; or

B) Ben Stein is a dishonest hack who knew, if he misrepresented himself and asked unsuspecting scientists about a subject that's not their field, he might get some responses that could be edited to make them look stupid.

I suspect B.

It doesn't really work. The scientist who looked most awkward explained twice that his explanation was just a hypothesis, yet Stein still asked him if that was what he believed. (Stein may be getting senile or maybe he just needs a class in listening to what people say. It probably wouldn't help his agenda.)

Stein comes off looking like a jerk in all of his "gotcha" interviews. He doesn't really "get" anybody ... unless the viewer has already been indoctrinated with the creationist talking points.

(See The Atheist's Nighmare, a video put out by evolution opponents. This is where Stein is coming from here. And it's also a good example of why intelligent design is a subject of scorn for thinking people.)

I do feel a little sorry for Ben Stein. In being so dishonest, he doesn't seem to realize that he will be losing all credibility - if he has any left - among all but the very stupid and gullible.

Speaking of dishonesty - again - let's tackle the film's main focus, the martyrs of intelligent design:

The expelled

Richard Von Sternberg: Stein says Sternberg lost his job because, as an editor of a science journal, he published an article that mentioned intelligent design.

Is there another side of the story? - He ignored the proper peer-review process and printed a piece that was considered shoddy. So was he fired? No. He had already resigned before it was published. It was an unpaid position. He retained all the other benefits and access to research facilities at the Smithsonian that he derived from his fellowship.

Does Stein mention this? No.

Guillermo Gonzalez: The movie claims he was denied tenure because he was involved in intelligent design related activites. (As usual, the film doesn't give too many details.)

He's an astronomer. So ... the Physics Department got mad at him for ... teaching intelligent design in an astronomy class? For talking about ID outside of class? I don't know. The movie is quite vague.

Is there another side of the story? - He just wasn't a very good professor. He wasn't publishing very much. He wasn't having much luck helping graduate students with their higher degrees. (It has been suggested that he was neglecting his real duties because he was distracted by intelligent-design related activities.)

Caroline Crocker: Stein says she was fired because she mentioned intelligent design once or twice.

Is there another side of the story? - She's my favorite. She was teaching intelligent design in an introductory biology class and refusing to teach evolution. (Here's her entry at RateMyProfessors.com.) A Washington Post article says:

Crocker "told the students there were two kinds of evolution: microevolution and macroevolution. Microevolution ... easily seen in any microbiology lab ... is ... quite different from macroevolution. No one has ever seen a dog turn into a cat in a laboratory."

She wasn't fired either. She finished out her three-year contract and it was not renewed. Perhaps George Mason University decided to take a chance on someone possibly teaching science in a science class.

Read the whole entry on ExpelledExposed.com.

Robert Marks: Baylor University shut down his Web site because it was about intelligent design.

Is there another side of the story? - Not really. Marks was an engineering and computer science professor at Baylor. He is still an engineering and computer science expert at Baylor. How was he expelled? In any way, shape or form? Baylor University didn't like his Web site on the university server. Yeah, duh! He wouldn't put on a disclaimer saying it wasn't an official Baylor site about intelligent design. So they shut it down. (Like any employer has a right to do if employess put something unauthorized on the server.)

Pamela Winnick: (They just get even weaker.) The film claims she is a journalist who was blacklisted because she tried to be objective about intelligent design.

Is there another side of the story? - She might not be as neutral as she claims. Her 2005 book is titled "A Jealous God: Science’s Crusade Against Religion." She still writes guest columns for the Pittsburgh Post Gazette. (I'm not exactly sure how she was expelled. Did she get e-mails calling her a dishonest moron?)

Michael Egnor: He is a neurosurgeon who got upset about an essay contest that linked evolution and medicine. And he posted a response on an ID blog. And people who disagreed with him were mean. (Of course, making an entire movie comparing "Darwinists" to Nazis could never be considered mean.)

Is there another side of the story? - Not really. The story of Michale Egnor elicits a hearty "So what?" What else you got, Stein? This is the best you could do? This "movie" is really - really really - the best you could do? You ran out of "relevant" candidates so quickly that you had to include a surgeon who believes in intelligent design and got some nasty e-mails (that, not surprisingly, weren't shown in the film)?

The NEW Ben Stein! Now 20 percent more pathetic!

There's more

There's Stein's eagerness to compare "Darwinists" to Nazis. (His brief aside that he wasn't saying all "Darwinists" become Nazis was not very convincing considering the amount of time he spent at Hadamar. And Dachau. And the avalanche of Nazi imagery (including the opening of the film). And the amount of time he spent talking with the guy who wrote "From Darwin to Hitler." And his lack of any concern about getting any balance on the issue of evolution and the Nazis.)

There's the quote mining that makes it look like Charles Darwin supported Nazi eugenics.

There's the splicing that allows Stein to compare himself to Edward R. Murrow. And the splice where he compares his own brave stand for intelligent design with Ronald Reagan's "Tear down that wall" speech. (Is that the real reason for the movie? To make a mediocrity like Ronald Reagan look better when compared with a mental and moral pygmy like Stein?)

There's his assertion that evolution ultimately leads to atheism and debauchery because atheists don't have any ethics and don't believe in free will. (Huh?)

There's more, much more. A stinking pile of conservative sophistry at its most transparent and dishonest. Good, decent, honest conservatives - if such exist - will protest this film for its great disservice in making both Chrisitans and conservatives look delusional, dishonest and wicked.

(Don't hold your breath.)

(For more details on Ben Stein's "film," try the Expelled Exposed site, Pharyngula and The Panda's Thumb.)

Will Obama be able to handle it ... ?

2008-04-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

... when the phone rings at 3 a.m.?

And it's Al Qaeda asking him tough questions about the Rev. Wright?

They might even throw in questions about his elitism or Bill Ayers or ...

lapel pins!

(But they're not questioning his patriotism.)

What if they ask him what kind of cheese goes on a Philly Cheesesteak?

He might stammer out "Brie" and the terrorists will know they have won!

(I see Hillary and John "Flippity Flop" McCain have shown the superiority of their leadership skills by calling Obama a "whiner." Um, folks? Pointing out that this stuff is stupid? That's not whining.)

Just how low will a military officer go?

2008-04-20T10:23:00.001-07:00

That was the question after the Swift Boaters of 2004 dragged the "honor" of the nation's Navy officers through the mud with their nonstop (and transparent) lying about John Kerry's Vietnam service. Too few military officers expressed their disgust at that display by people who are supposed to be officers and gentelemen, and turned out to be nothing more than shills for military contractors and the soulless villains in charge of the Republican Party.

Speaking of being shills for military contractors ...

Be prepared. It's more vomit-induing than a debate moderated by George Stephanopolous and Charles Gibson.

Ben Stein is (still) a liar and a fraud.

2008-04-19T11:04:00.001-07:00

He worked for Nixon and he's always been a conservative.

So why should he start being honest and decent now?

Scientific American gets all mean and stuff and points out numerous places where Stein's intelligent design movie is dishonest rubbish.

Typically, this is the best that conservatives can do.

It's very sad.

More proof that Obama is an elitist!

2008-04-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

Only an elitist would be a stealth Muslim!

Only an elitist would be the vanguard of a secret black Christian separatist plot to overthrow the government by becoming president!

Only an elitist would ___________________________ (fill in the blank with lame rationalization of the week.)!

He chooses orange juice instead of coffee! He says that rural Pennsylvanians are bitter! (And is it any wonder they (and the people telling them how to think) sounded bitter? It's not Obama's job to tell them what they think! It's Hillary and McCain's job! (And they responded nicely.))

And he can't bowl! He prefers an elitist pasttime like basketball.

For MY president, I much prefer someone who sips whiskey from a shotglass. Or somebody who doesn't know the difference between Sunni and Shia. Or somebody who was a male cheerleader.

THAT'S real America.

(P.S. Consider this MMC's endorsement of Barack Obama. If the nonstop tripe of the last few weeks is the best his opponents can come up with, he is, by far, the best candidate. About a hundred times better than Hillary. About a thousand times better than John "The Real Flip-Flopper" McCain.)

Lewis Black on evolution, ...

2008-04-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

the Old Testament and the New Testament.

It's very funny.

It's a YouTube video embedded in a post at the fascinating science blog Pharyngula. Watch the video, laugh, and then seach around at some of the science-related commentary. If you think Ben Stein and his retarded creationist movie are retarded, then you will find much to enjoy. If you like Ben Stein and think he is some kind of "great conservative thinker," then the only people who care what you think are other retards and Republican Party pollsters.

(Was that rude? I'll try to be more politically correct next time so as not to offend the conservatives. You know how politically correct they can be ... when it suits them.)

I wonder what Michael Medved's up to?

2008-04-09T15:15:00.000-07:00

(Not really. But just for argument's sake, let's pretend that he is one of the great thinkers of the Right.)

Well. It appears he has found something really weighty to get his panties in a twist about.

What if the Democrats try to force an atheist president down America's throat some day?

(Maybe he's on to something. The good Christians we've had in power for seven years have done a good job ... of discrediting good Christians. Maybe the country would like a change, something that doesn't involve blind and willful misrepresentation of a silly book that was never that helpful or perceptive to begin with? I'd say the country's religious contingent may have something concrete to be scared of. If Medved's any indication, they certainly sound desperate. It's unfortunate that their religious beliefs force them to remain clueless or risk eternal hellfire. Not much of a choice for the feeble minded.)

Remembering Diane Arbus

2008-04-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

She died so young. I love her work, but thinking about her always makes me sad.

Here's a story from David J. Skal's "The Monster Show: A Cultural History of Horror" about Diane Arbus that may not be that well known to a lot of her fans:

In the shadow of monster mania lurked another dark figure, whose own fascination with distorted, freakish images had not yet achieved the notoriety for which it was ultimately destined. The publisher [of Famous Monsters of Filmland] James Warren, however, was familiar with her photographic work and so hired her to document a group of his magazine's readers. The resulting photo, never published but described in a Rolling Stone feature in 1974, was titled Bronx, New York, 1964: Meeting the Famous Monsters. The photographer grouped the five young boys in front of a dilapidated house. Their faces were concealed by horrible masks. When one of the boys' hands nervously or inadvertently touched his crotch, the photographer released her shutter.

Diane Arbus, den mother of the damned, had found her image.

We miss you, Diane.

I got quoted on Wikipedia!

2008-04-08T22:11:00.000-07:00

Awesome!

It's the entry on Vince Colletta.

He was a comic book artist. He is probably most famous (some would say infamous) for his work as an inker over Jack Kirby's pencils, mostly at Marvel in the 1960s and 1970s.

(For my non-comic book readers, I should perhaps explain that Jack Kirby co-created/pencilled Captain America, The Fantastic Four and the Incredible Hulk.)

I was informed of this in a comment by Dan the Fan, whose own blog is here.

Thanks, Dan!

Scroll down to the controversy section of the Vince Colletta entry. I'm quoted at the end.

Briefly, the controversy swirls around whether or not Colletta did a good job inking Jack Kirby. (And some people are very passionately trying to say that Colletta just downright sucked balls all around.)

I've seen some very bad Colletta inking. But I've also seen some grand work from Colletta, especially on the "Tales of Asgard" series in the back of Journey into Mystery and in his 1950s romance work. (Dan the Fan has some of the latter on his blog.)

I can't tell you how pleased I am that my quotes in the Wikipedia entry are very positive comments on Vince Colletta inking Jack Kirby in Journey into Mystery #108. Colletta has been dead since 1991 and I would hate to be quoted on a dead man's Wikipedia entry saying something like:

"Colletta's art on The Dazzler was so bad I wanted to eat my own eyeballs."

In any case, I'm very pleased. This is even better than when I was quoted by those lovable white supremists at Stormfront.org!

Wanna see the CUTEST KITTEN EVER?

2008-04-08T21:49:00.000-07:00

I'm not exaggerating.

Just wait until you see this!

Click here for the CUTEST KITTEN EVER!

(Be sure to play it with the sound on! It's about A HUNDRED TIMES CUTER with the purring!)

(By the way, this is my cat's favorite video. Which means it's the only one she's ever watched. She watched it for almost TWENTY SECONDS!)

More proof that Lancaster, Calif., is evil

2008-04-07T01:13:00.000-07:00

Netflix has many helpful features. Among these are the movie recommendations. Based on the way you rate the movies that you rent from them, they offer a bunch of recommendations of similar movies that you might like.

So if you like Ugetsu Monogatori, they might recommend Rashomon or Yojimbo or The Burmese Harp.

And if you liked Jules and Jim, they might recommend Never on Sunday.

They also have a section that has geographic recommendations. It tells you what the most popular films in your area code are.

Oh. My. God.

Three of the Top Five rentals in Lancaster right now are:

Mr. Woodcock;

Good Luck Chuck; and

Daddy Day Camp.

Lord. Whatever I did to deserve to be exiled among these people, please let me know and I will never do it again.

Pinky swear.

By the way ...

2008-04-06T11:49:00.001-07:00

Mushtown Media Corp. celebrates its fourth anniversary today!

Woo-hoo!

What does Adam Smith say ...?

2008-04-06T11:42:00.000-07:00

... about a living wage?

But what improves the circumstances of the greater part can never be regarded as an inconveniencey to the whole. No society can be flourishing and happy, of which the greater part of the members are poor and miserable. It is but equity, besides, that they who feed, cloath and lodge the whole body of the people should have such a share of the produce of their own labour as to be themselves tolerably well fed, cloathed and lodged.

- Adam Smith, "The Wealth of Nations," Book I, Chapter VIII

Adam Smith, communist

The Freedom Fighters, and how they grew

2008-04-03T11:13:00.000-07:00

by Tony Seybert

PART TWO: Crisis on Nazi-Earth! Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Freedom Fighters

i. the town that didn’t love the justice league

Let me tell you about my little Indiana town when I was a kid. Two thousand people. It was rumored that the head of the Indiana Ku Klux Klan lived nearby, out in the country somewhere. (It never occurred to me to be skeptical.) Christianity was the official religion but the real religion was basketball.

And we had one place to get comic books: the drug store.

So the comic-buying community was small, and few were as devoted as I was. I could afford three comics a week and a candy bar, and I rarely gave up the candy bar for one more comic book. And I bought Marvel Comics almost exclusively. Daredevil! The Fantastic Four! The Incredible Hulk! The Amazing Spider-Man! Marvel Team-Up! Jungle Action! (Damn, did I love Jungle Action! That was a great comic book!)

I bought Bat-Man occasionally. And The Brave and the Bold. (Some of the Haney stories still haunt my more perplexing dreams.) And I loved The Joker!

Most of the guys I knew read mostly Marvel, but almost everyone read one DC comic, or maybe a guy would have some of his brother’s comics from a few years back laying around. My younger brother read The Flash. My friend Jay had nice runs of Green Lantern and The Legion of Super-Heroes. Everybody had a few issues of Superman here or there. And I eventually warmed to most of them. (Not The Flash. He has some great villains, sure, but he’s never done much for me at all.)

But it is one of the great tragedies of my childhood that this was a town that seemed not to give a rat’s ass about the Justice League. I don’t remember a single kid who was crazy about the JLA. For team books, it was The Avengers or The Fantastic Four or The Defenders (this was the time of the Steve Gerber issues) or The Legion of Super-Heroes or (a little later) The Teen Titans. I was insane for The Secret Society of Super-Villains for its short run. (Great book! I don’t care what any of you say!)

ii. the little cross-over that could

I do remember one issue. One kid had a few comics that his brother had left laying around when he went to college, and among those comics was JLA #108, the second part of the JLA/JSA team-up for 1973, guest-starring the Freedom Fighters. It had a great cover, with Superman, Bat-Man, Dr. Fate and the Sandman rushing forward to fight with Uncle Sam, the Black Condor, the Ray and the Human Bomb. WTF?

I must have read the first few pages because I knew the premise of the story: The Freedom Fighters are on an alternative Earth (Earth-X) where the Nazis did not lose the war until the 1970s. During the annual JLA/JSA team-up, several heroes from both teams are shunted sideways across the ether (whatever) to Earth-X where they help the Freedom Fighters to save the day! I even remembered Uncle Sam sitting backwards on the chair and filling us in. But none of the rest of it looked familiar when I got my copy of Crisis on Multiple Earths, Volume 3.

So I don’t think I read the rest of it. I’m a little surprised to note that it’s from 1973. I must have been looking at it when it was only two or three years old, but I thought for sure it was older than that. It seemed ancient then, almost like a relic.

I don’t think this is the place to go into my own personal distaste for the Justice League when I was a kid. I’m over it now, and I have a greater appreciation for the DC comics of the Silver Age. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t long after my dismissal of JLA #108 that I picked up Giant Super-Team Family #4, and my love affair with the Justice Society began. It reprints All-Star #33, with the JSA fighting Solomon Grundy, and it’s on the edge of brutal at times. The line-up in this issue is the definitive JSA roster: Hawkman, Green Lantern, the Flash, Dr. Mid-Nite, the Atom, Johnny Thunder and Wonder Woman.

Over the years, I picked up a few issues of the JLA/JSA cross-overs, and I was, and still am, an All-Star Squadron fanatic. That was a great series. Especially the first 30 issues or so.

And I even warmed to the JLA eventually, but the only time I ever bought it on a regular basis was during the much-maligned Justice League Detroit era. I still like the first year or so of that series. So sue me!

But getting back to the JLA/JSA cross-overs: I was at the comic book store last year, looking at the reprint collections, and, for some reason, it struck me to look to see if I could find the reprint of that comic book about The Freedom Fighters and Earth-X and all that silliness. Since the 1970s, I’ve become a little more familiar with these people and these concepts. I’ve even read the first appearances of the Human Bomb and Phantom Lady in a reprint of Police Comics. I’ve seen reprints of The Ray and the Black Condor. I saw Uncle Sam in an issue of Secret Origins.

(And remember that great Freedom Fighters “origin” in All-Star Squadron, and the heroic sacrifice of the Red Bee? He didn’t have any bees left in his belt buckle, but still he fought bravely on when a lesser man would have said, “I’ve run out of bees in my belt buckle! I can’t fight the Nazis without bees in my belt buckle!”)

Not to mention the info in Steranko’s History of Comics and all the other reference books and magazines where I’ve gleaned various odds and ends of arcane comic book lore.

I found the classic saga of Earth-X in Crisis on Multiple Earths, Volume 3. (Along with: a very weird Mike Friedrich team-up involving a weird Robin costume and Solomon Grundy, as well as a lost alien boy and his lost alien dog; the greatest JLA-JSA team-up of all, the Seven Soldiers of Victory adventure; and, the one where Sandy turned out to be a monster. But not really.)

iii. what is going on?

I enjoyed JLA #107 and #108 when I read them last year, but I think it’s mostly for the basic premise and the characters and the art. To tell the truth, I can’t even begin to tell you exactly how the various teams — cobbled together from the Justice League, the Justice Society and the Freedom Fighters — defeated the Nazis and freed Earth-X. I think Hitler turned out to be either a robot or a crooked real estate developer with a rubber mask like the villain in an episode of Scooby-Doo.

“I’d have gotten away with it, if it hadn’t been for these meddling Quality heroes!”

So let me take a little break here and read it again and try to remember what the heck was going on.

…

So I just re-read it, and this reading confirms my initial impressions. This is kinda dumb.

I don’t want to bag on Len Wein’s writing abilities. Writing team books looks difficult, especially given the complexities and limitations of the format of the JLA/JSA team-ups, and the rather formulaic structure of the old JSA stories as well. Sometimes it works better than it does at other times. The structure worked really well in the Seven Soldiers of Victory three-part story. For one thing, it was three parts, and there was a little more room for the story. Wein kicked ass in JLA #100 to #102.

It doesn’t work quite as well in the Earth-X story. The Seven Soldiers of Victory storyline had a mystery to solve: What happened to the Eighth Soldier of Victory? Everybody had his or her mission to find one of the missing Soldiers, and they pieced together what happened after a series of strange adventures in time.

The Earth-X story has a much more complex mission: Free Earth-X from the Nazis. So three guys from Earth-1 and three guys from Earth-2 (along with stowaway Red Tornado) go to Earth-X and get attacked by Nazis, but they are helped by the Freedom Fighters. The Nazis have these mind control doo-jabbers that make it impossible for most people to resist them. (The Freedom Fighters are immune because … well, they just are.) Anyway, Dr. Fate mixes up a batch of dues ex machina stew and finds out where the three mind control thingamabobs are, so they separate into three teams and go to destroy the things.

For the record: Destination One: Eiffel Tower, Paris.
Team: Bat-Man (Earth-1), the Ray, Dr. Fate, the Human Bomb.

Destination Two: Mt. Fujiyama, Japan.
Team: Superman (Earth-2), Doll Man, Green Arrow, Phantom Lady.

Destination Three: Mt. Rushmore, U.S.A.
Team: Black Condor, Sandman, Uncle Sam, the Elongated Man.

The Red Tornado stayed with the dues ex machina stew to “act as liaison,” whatever the heck that means.

Destroying the machines does not stop the mind control, and the mind control waves cause the heroes from Earth-1 and Earth-2 to get all paranoid about the Freedom Fighters and they start accusing Uncle Sam and Co. of wanting to take over the world and they all start fighting. But the Red Tornado is immune to the waves because he is an android, and he traces the waves to a swastika-covered satellite where the Red Tornado discovers a Hitler robot and a bunch of Nazi soldiers and the real brains of the operation, a really tedious robot/computer that has become independent of the Nazis that created him and is using the mind control waves to rule Earth-X because … well, I’m not sure. The Red Tornado gets really bored with the exposition and destroys the computer and Earth-X is saved! Hoo-ray!

I love this story anyway. In your face, weak plot!

iv. were they called the french fighters before 9-11?

The premise, that Earth-X is a world where the Nazis took over and The Freedom Fighters fought them into the 1970s, is fascinating and it’s too bad we never got to see a series about THAT! (I do like what few issues of The Freedom Fighters I’ve seen.)

The art is great. From the Nick Cardy covers to the Dick Dillin pencils to the inking by Dick Giordano, these books sparkle and shine, and it is fun to look at them. I suppose that is what I like most about JLA #107 and #108. Just looking at them.

And I love the Freedom Fighters. What a bunch of misfits!

Uncle Sam is incredibly corny. How much more Saturday Evening Post can you get? But he’s great anyway. Does he have any powers aside from super-optimism, super-cheerfulness, super-homespun wisdom, and super-strength? I love the way his hat never falls off.

Doll Man is, like, the size of a doll. WTF? No ants. No talking to them, no riding on their backs. No shrinking to the size of an atom, can’t ride sound waves through a telephone line. So basically, he’s just a little guy with a punch that’s like a regular guy’s punch. Awesome. In his comic strip, he had a female counterpart (who I think was called Doll Doll) and he rode a dog! No doubt about it, this guy is fucking awesome!

The Ray has the silliest costume ever. It’s like, dude, wear an overcoat or something, I can’t fucking see! And what is up with that fin on his head, is he going to play a prank at the beach and pretend to be a shark? Does he turn into light or does he just run really fast, which means he has the same powers as the Flash? What? What? I’m confused. What’s the point? But he’s still awesome!

The Human Bomb was being set up. They called him the Human Bomb because he sucked and they knew he would bomb. They knew he would never have his own comic or a movie or any merchandising. And they went ahead with it anyway, the cruel bastards. He swallowed a secret formula to keep the Nazis from getting it and it gave him the power to blow things up with his hands, just by touching them! His costume is the ultimate in minimalist super-hero wear, and you have to give him credit for doing as well as he did with so little to work with. He never gave up. The Human Bomb is awesome.

The Black Condor’s origin is ultra-wiggy. He can fly because he was raised by condors. In Mongolia, I think. For real! I am not making this up, I swear! He’s the ultimate existential super-hero. He can fly because it never occurred to him that it makes no sense. And it doesn’t stop there! He makes his way to Washington where it turns out that he looks just like a murdered Senator! So he takes the guy’s place and pretends to be the Senator and nobody ever notices. Not even the Senator’s girlfriend. Franklin Delano Roosevelt was a frequent guest star. Washington was a really wacky place when the Condor was around. They didn’t call it Crack Comics for nothing! Great art by Lou Fine.

Which brings us to Phantom Lady, who is totally hot, with a totally great costume. I forget what her powers are. I think she distracts you with her cleavage and then she clobbers you. The whole black light ring was just a ruse. “Hey, Slugger, didn’t you see that broad was clobbering you?” “No, no, uh, it was, uh, it got dark, uh, and I couldn’t see, and, uh, I guess she has a black light ring or something.” “Yeah, boss, dat was it! She uses a black light ring.” “A black right wing? She clobbered you with Alan Keyes?” “No, a black light ring!” I adore Phantom Lady. I have a Phantom Lady figurine that’s always perched nearby, looming over me, protecting me. Thanks for the memories, Phantom Lady.

I don’t really know what else to say about The Freedom Fighters. They got their own comic book series for a few issues. I didn’t read it at the time. I did pick up a single issue a few years back and I really enjoyed it. If I ever get a little extra money again, I’ll start trying to compile a collection.

It should have been the DC version of the Defenders, but no such luck. They got a guy who escaped from a Thomas Nast drawing. And a guy who’s six inches tall and rides a dog. And a guy who flies because he was raised by condors. And a guy who blows things up by touching them. And a guy who dresses as a banana. And a chick with a yellow and green costume and spectacular cleavage who has some gimmick that I can’t remember. (A black light ring, that’s it! Wait. How can it be black and light? If it’s black, wouldn’t it be dark? I’m confused again!)

Yeah, I love the Freedom Fighters! All the dumb shit that makes comic books GREAT, rolled up into one neat, little package. If they ever bring them back, I’ll read it. Hell, I’ll write it!

PART ONE: The story of the first Freedom Fighters (who are actually the second Freedom Fighters, even though they all died before the first Freedom Fighters got together, and most of them aren’t actually dead anymore)

i. the cure for not having a headache

Ouch. Writing that title made my head hurt. Give me a minute to go over my notes and figure out what’s going on.

I have a list of names:
* The Red Torpedo
* Miss America
* Neon the Unknown
* Invisible Hood
* Magno, the Magnetic Man

In one of the old DC Universes, these heroes, aided and abetted by Uncle Sam and the Hourman, crossed the dimensions between Earth-2 and Earth-X just before the attack on Pearl Harbor. They put a stop to the attack, but these five were killed on this very first mission of the Freedom Fighters.

(Apparently, it has recently been revealed that they weren’t all killed, but I’m already having trouble dealing with a retcon of a retcon that happened pre-Crisis, and I don’t think my little mind can handle the convoluted comic book continuity capers that must ensue when trying to make this little extra-dimensional waltz assume the semblance of coherency in the post-Crisis DC Universe.)

Uncle Sam made his way back to Earth-2 and eventually assembled his new Freedom Fighters, the group we know and love from the 1970s JLA cross-over and the short-lived series: Phantom Lady, Black Condor, The Ray, The Human Bomb, Doll Man.

ii. the quality of quality

You have to wonder what the hell was going on at Quality Comics in the early 1940s. The Freedom Fighters group we’re familiar with is made up of Quality’s first-string heroes. Well, not Blackhawk or Plastic Man, but the Freedom Fighters were the A-Team at Quality. Big-name heroes in the manner of Flash and Green Lantern and Hawkman, folks who can crash in and bust heads when Bat-Man and Superman and Wonder Woman aren’t available, these are awfully thin on the ground at Quality Comics. That’s why Quality’s answer to the Justice Society is made up of a guy who rides a dog, a giant banana, a guy who flies because he was raised by condors, and the Human Bomb. (I mean, it’s right there in his name! Bomb! He’s a Human Bomb!)

Read Steranko’s History of Comics, the chapter on Quality Comics, to see how quickly you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to Quality heroes. And there are A LOT of heroes at the bottom of that barrel. It’s real thick down there. Be sure to scrape with something really sturdy.

The five heroes mentioned above were chosen by Roy Thomas to be the sacrificial lambs for his Earth-X storyline in All-Star Squadron #31 to #35. But Roy was probably not specifically picking Quality’s lamest heroes. Believe it or not, he was picking the next in line after the Human Bomb when he started recruiting Quality heroes for Uncle Sam’s suicide mission.

The Red Torpedo was a guy with a red torpedo that he rode around in. It could fly through the air as well as in the water. According to Steranko, “former U.S. Navy officer Jim Lockhart invented a man-sized, flying, floating machine” that lasted less than 20 issues.

Magno, the Magnetic Man, is nothing more than a name to Steranko. He’s just one feature named on a list of the comics that Paul Gustavson drew. Magno looks kind of like Marvel Boy. And he has magnetic powers, I’m guessing, from his name.

Invisible Hood doesn’t seem to be mentioned in Steranko at all. He turns invisible, I guess. And wears a hood. And, according to the text in All-Star Squadron, he is sometimes known as Invisible Justice. And he has a razor in his shoe. (I made up the last part.)

Then there’s Neon the Unknown. Steranko has a whole paragraph on Neon. He says Neon the Unknown was almost as bad as the Red Bee! That’s just mean. You’re a mean man, Steranko. Neon was “virtually gimmickless, … dressed quite plainly in blue, with a red scarf tied around his head like a gypsy. It billowed freely behind him like a cloak. He had no dual identity and could fly, fight or perform any manifestation he desired with the aid of a mysterious neonic ray.” Steranko says the art for Neon and the Red Bee was “competent” but that the scripts were “uninspired and threadbare.” The Red Bee! Uninspired! Threadbare! Bite your tongue, Steranko! He had a belt buckle! With bees in it! I suppose you’d like it better if he had ladybugs!

iii. ‘gee, i’m sleepy’: the origin of miss america

Miss America rounds out this 1940s suicide squad. Steranko says Miss America “was drawn by Elmer Wexler and starred Joan Dale, a girl reporter who was endowed” (weren’t they all) “with magic powers by the Statue of Liberty.” Steranko’s synopsis doesn’t even begin to describe the Miss America origin story. It is a SCREAM!

Miss America first appeared in Military Comics #1, which is also the first appearance of Blackhawk! It was reprinted just a few years ago in a Millennium Comics edition, which I have, and I dug it up to check it out for this essay. The best thing about Military Comics is that it’s terrible. Not just in a “merely terrible” Golden Age way, but in a sort-of stereotypical Golden Age way. It’s like the worst stories from any ten Golden Age comics all put into a special “Worst of the Golden Age” anthology. Pee-yew!

OK, maybe that’s a bit harsh.

So, by comparison, Miss America doesn’t come off too bad. It’s still pretty damn dumb.

Joan Dale, girl reporter, goes out to Bedloe’s Island before meeting with her boss. Sitting on a bench, she gazes in wonder at the Statue of Liberty and thinks, as any sensible person would, “Gosh! Just think of all the good a person could do if they had the powers that the State of Liberty must possess!! I wish I had them but … Oh well … Gee, I’m sleepy!”

She falls asleep and the Statue of Liberty steps down from the pedestal and calls to her.

“Joan! Joan!”

The Statue overheard Joan’s reverie and she gives Joan her magic powers and Joan promises to do her best.

“I will never let you down!” says Joan.

She wakes up and, like any sensible person, she tests her new powers by making a tree disappear.

She takes the ferry back to Manhattan to meet her boss and some crazy old guy starts making a speech about democracy and is attacked by ruffians (who are known for hating old guys who speechify about democracy on the ferry).

Joan turns them into doves and the old guy takes it pretty much as just another day on the ferry. As a New Yorker in 1941, he was probably seeing stuff like that all the time. He thanks her for helping him and says, “You’re the real Miss America!” (As opposed to the fake Miss America that would soon be appearing in Timely Comics. You know, the one with the glasses?)

So that’s how Miss America got her name. (The old guy also named Dr. Mid-Nite and the Blazing Skull later that same week.)

So she spends the rest of the six-page adventure busting up a sabotage ring, turning people into trees, making clues appear in metal fragments, blowing up the bad guys and making things fly. You know, the usual.

I think the writers were stealing equally from Ibis over at Fawcett and from Liberty Belle over at DC. (Even though Liberty Belle wouldn’t appear until 1943. I got my story and I’m sticking to it!) Because, you know, Ibis has that groovy stick and he just says, “Stick, turn the bad guy into a mushroom and olive pizza.” Presto! He’s taken care of the bad guy and gotten dinner just like that.

This is pretty much how Miss America’s powers work.

And Liberty Belle had some kind of a mystical connection with the Liberty Bell and when it rang, she got a little stronger. Only instead of the Liberty Bell, Miss America has the powers of the Statue of Liberty! The whole statue!

(Man, those French were SUCKERS to give that away! With powers like that! Maybe they thought the powers of the Eiffel Tower were sufficient. (Which leads to the question: If the Statue of Liberty fought the Eiffel Tower, who would win? Winner takes on the Great Wall of China!))

I think Miss America is way more powerful than Ibis. He has to have the stick. All Miss America has to do is point and say, “Ibis, drop the stick,” and Ibis drops the stick and she turns him into a macaroon.

iv. was there a point to this digression?

Getting back to the All-Star Squadron, I have to ask: What the hell was Roy Thomas smoking when he wrote the death scene for the original Freedom Fighters? (It’s in All-Star Squadron #32.) I’ve been thinking about that for two days, ever since I re-read that scene trying to get a better idea of the powers of the first Freedom Fighters. I love All-Star Squadron (and Roy Thomas’s writing) as much as ever, but re-reading this segment, I notice for the first time that it’s kinda … unlikely? Nonsensical? Dumb?

They beat off the first attack of Japanese Zeroes and are standing around patting themselves on the back when a kamikaze flier somehow sneaks up on them, crashes into the Red Torpedo’s red torpedo, and everyone (except Uncle Sam and Hourman) is killed.

(And then Uncle Sam – with his top hat still on his head! – is clinging to some driftwood and quoting Melville! But we’ll not get into that.)

As obscure and as lame as these characters might be, these are some extremely powerful entities! Look at Miss America! She has the power of the Statue of Liberty! She can kick Ibis’s ass! She can probably go four or five rounds (at least) with the Spectre! Johnny Thunder’s thunderbolt probably whimpers in a corner when she walks into the room! She’s on about four pages of All-Star Squadron #32, and in that four pages she:

* Saves the Freedom Fighters from falling into the sea by turning a passing albatross into an invisible “glider-kite” where they hang out while waiting for the Zeroes;
* Blasts a Zero from the sky with an energy blast from her hand; and
* Recreates the Red Torpedo’s red torpedo out of random atoms just by pointing and concentrating. (This makes her sweat a little.)

Neon the Unknown, from Steranko’s description as well as from the All-Star Squadron appearance, seems to be almost as powerful as Miss America. Magno’s powers seem to be Magneto class. The Red Torpedo’s red torpedo is quite an impressive piece of machinery. (I don’t know about the Invisible Hood. I mean, you can’t see him. He’s invisible. So I don’t know what his powers are.)

And they get taken out by a kamikaze pilot.

This makes no sense. Was Roy purposely imitating the weak plots and silly comic book stories from the Golden Age? Or was he being lazy for story purposes?

(I have to admit, I’ve gotten kind of fond of Joan Dale while writing this essay. It might be affecting my objectivity.)

Earlier, Uncle Sam commented that this batch of Freedom Fighters was a bunch of rookies, hungry to make a name for themselves. (That’s why he recruited Hourman, to have a veteran mystery man on the mission.) But I got to rummaging around and I’m kinda dubious about this kind of a rationalization for their early demise. After all, Roy Thomas tried not to stray too far from publication dates and the way they related to events in the real world. So I was hoping for a little consistency. And I looked at the first appearances of these ill-fated super-folks:
* Invisible Hood – Smash Comics #1 (August 1939)
* The Red Torpedo – Crack Comics #1 (May 1940)
* Neon the Unknown – Hit Comics #1 (July 1940) (This is also the comic book that had the first appearance of the Red Bee. Neon lasted to #17. The Red Bee lasted to #24.)
* Magno – Smash #13 (August 1940)
* Miss America – Military Comics #1 (August 1941)

Can ya dig it? The “rookie” Invisible Hood” appeared a half a year before the guy who was recruited to give the group a little experience. (Hourman’s first appearance was Adventure Comics #48 (January 1940).)

Roy Thomas got some ’splainin’ to do!

Enough pedantry for now!

Another thing that struck me was how much more powerful those original dead Freedom Fighters are than the more commonly known Freedom Fighters of the ’70s series. Maybe the Ray and Magno might be a good match-up. And the Invisible Hood and the Black Condor might provide a pretty good conflict. But Neon or Miss America alone could pretty much wipe out the whole team!

Imagine Doll Man attacking Miss America, and she tries to come up with something relatively harmless to turn him into, and she points and says, “You’re a six-inch guy riding a dog!”

Or the Ray attacks and she turns him into a six-foot banana!

And yet, the second group of Freedom Fighters – a recruitment poster, a guy who rides a dog, a giant banana, a guy who was raised by condors, a human bomb, and a woman with magically distracting cleavage – managed to fight off the Nazis and survive into the 1970s!

That first bunch was a pretty powerful crew! I don’t think it was bad luck that got them killed on Earth-X. It was bad writing.

v. where did THAT come from?

Author’s note on the Red Bee: While researching this essay, I noticed that the Red Bee does not have an origin. (There’s a note on the letters page in All-Star Squadron #32.) There are so many ridiculous origins floating around in comic-book land that it’s hard to see why there was no effort in producing something of an originic nature for the Red Bee. I’m imagining the editorial meeting where they were discussing the contents of Hit #1. They got a great new idea about a guy who has a hollow belt buckle and it’s full of bees that do his bidding. (And he has a favorite bee named Michael.) The guy presenting the idea shows them the Lou Fine art and everybody is momentarily swayed. Then somebody says, Come up with an origin and we’ll make him the headliner in Hit #1.

But how would someone get a hollow belt buckle full of bees? You can see the problem. This is why the Red Bee has not had an origin for almost 70 years. Because it is such an unlikely outcome that considering how it came to be can only cause insanity.

DC should have a contest for the fans to come up with the origin of the Red Bee, and then pick one at random (because how could there be a “best” submission from a bunch of crazy people) and publish it as a special edition written by Len Wein with cover art by Alex Ross and interior art by Jerry Ordway. (Maybe I should have picked Roy Thomas to write it, but hasn’t he done enough to the Red Bee? At long last, sir, have you no sense of decency?)

So, did the Red Bee find his belt buckle on the side of the road, telling people it “must have fallen off a truck”? Was the belt buckle a gift from bee-like aliens? Perhaps the Red Bee was just a guy who was nice to bees and the hollow belt buckle was their idea.

Here’s my personal favorite. (Keep in mind that I am now insane.) The Red Bee’s father was a kindly beekeeper who was killed by monocle-wearing, kraut-eating saboteurs from an unnamed foreign power who were trying to disrupt America’s honey supply. The Red Bee was a police scientist who specialized in crimes involving insects. (There are a surprising number of such crimes in comic-book land.) When he heard of his father’s death, he vowed to find the killers, and he used his natural affinity with bees to coax them into the hollow belt buckle his father had given him on the Fourth of July when he was a kid. Then he came up with the gayest costume he could find to give him an advantage over the bad guys who would think he was some kind of a sissy and thus misunderestimate him.

Do I win?

Tony Seybert is a copy editor for the Antelope Valley Press in Palmdale, California.

Wanna see President Butthole getting booed when he threw out the ball?

2008-03-31T00:56:00.000-07:00

Yeah, you do. You know you do.

Just click here.

From the archives, a similar incident involving the president, baseball, Americans and booing.

The stunning ignorance of John McCain

2008-03-30T10:57:00.000-07:00

(We'll save his dishonesty and his flip-flopping for another time.)

Is he as dumb as Bush?

(Is that even possible? It's seems unlikely at first, but then you must recall that they are both Republicans. Anything is possible for Republicans at the lower end of the intelligence scale. Look at Jonah Goldberg. Or Rick Santorum. Or the Rev. Huckabee.)

You decide.

A few more words about the Rev. Wright

2008-03-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah, Barack Obama is apparently the only person in America who has a crazy preacher.

(Of course, if you take his words in context, I don't think he's that crazy. Certainly not as mind-blowingly stupid and disgusting as Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, John Hagee and any number of other conservative favorites.)

Anyway, if you're interested in a perspective that's a little different from those out-of-context clips provided - over and over - by the so-called liberal media, read this.

(Understandably, there are many people in this country with a vested interest in saying "liberal media" repeatedly. Imagine, if you actually watched this so-called "liberal media," like I do, you might come to a different conclusion. But the people who like to say "liberal media" over and over don't seem to be interested in the opinions of people who think for themselves.)

(By the way, remember that Mike Huckabee guy? He's an actual pastor, not just the pastor to a candidate, and he was the front-runner for the Republican nomination in the early days of the primary season. And I'm trying to remember ... how many of his sermons were excerpted in the so-called liberal media? Well, it must be because he never said anything crazy or threatening.)

Creationists are dumb

2008-03-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

(That's pretty obvious.)

If you're in the mood for examining more evidence, looky here.

ANSWERING THE RED PHONE

2008-03-09T10:47:00.000-07:00

WHO DO YOU WANT GRABBING THAT PHONE AT THREE A.M.?

The little girl in the ad wants ... Barack Hussein Obama.

Daily Kos commentary here.

LAURA INGRAHAM: She's stupider and meaner than you think

2008-03-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

THE MAYA ANGELOU TEST: HOW TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS A BAD PERSON

Laura Ingraham is a radio talk show who should probably have the nickname Ann Coulter Jr. She recently got mad at a guest for not listening to talk radio (which obviously means her guest was unworthy of Laura Ingraham's show).

Then Laura got all bent out of shape because the guest didn't do her homework (which would consist mostly of listening to talk radio before being on Laura Ingraham's show).

Then Laura, during the off-air break, finally got around to doing her homework on her guest. Said homework consisted of looking at the guest's Web site. A staff member immediately knews she was a "big, stinky, long-haired liberal" from the picture and Laura went ballistic because she quoted Maya Angelou - MAYA ANGELOU - on the Web site.

MAYA ANGELOU!

Listen to the whole sad exchange.

From this exchange, I'm guessing the guest - and all sane listeners - concluded that not listening to talk radio would increase your IQ remarkably.

(Recent studies have shown that IQ increases by as much as 20 percent within a week of swearing off talk radio. Another study shows that being someone other then Laura Ingraham can increase your IQ by as much as 400 percent.)

UPDATE:
From the comments at Jesus' General:

The power of the wingnuts. They virtually control AM radio. What a coup for them. Pretty soon they are going to own the telegraph as well, which would go well with their monopoly on homing pigeons.

Hee hee. Somebody is mocking AM radio. I hope Laura doesn't see it. I'd hate to think she had a fit because somebody mocked her medium.

O Allah! (Praise be all to his name!)

2008-03-04T15:05:00.000-08:00

WHEN YOU GOT A FATWA THAT NEEDS TO BE FULFILLED, WHO YOU GONNA CALL?

The Houndcats!

Right?

The Houndcats!

The Scourge of American Christian Imperialism!

Ein anderes Lied, das ich nicht ein mein Haupt verlassen kann...

2008-03-04T11:31:00.000-08:00

(Danke, Babel Fisch, für die Übersetzung.)

Marlene Dietrich singendes "Sag Mir Wo Die Blumen Sind."

Ein schönes Lied in jeder Weise.

Stupid Conservative of the Week

2008-02-25T10:16:00.000-08:00

SO MANY STUPID CONSERVATIVES, SO LITTLE TIME

I'm not going to write about EVERY stupid conservative. There are so many. Just starting with every single conservative I've ever met or read about or heard of, that would be hundreds or thousands. And there are millions that I don't know. So it would take a while.

But sometimes I see something especially dumb. And I just saw something especially dumb.

There's this guy who calls himself Confederate Yankee. Him no like Obama.

As a matter of fact, this idea of a black man - and a Democrat! - as president has him so blinded by his partisan wingnuttery that he does what any conservative does when his carefully crafted conservative delusions are challenged. He repeats every nonsensical conservative talking point he can think of. (I sure wish the Liberal Media(TM) would stop helping to repeat these. It makes people like me wonder if the whole Liberal Media(TM) narrative is just another nonsensical conservative talking point.)

Those meanies at Sadly, No jumped in and ridiculed Confederate Yankee mercilessly. No, it's not politically correct to make fun of the mentally handicapped. (And you know how conservatives are about political correctness when it suits them.) But if you don't want to be ridiculed, you shouldn't be ridiculous.

Maybe for a little balance, I should write about one of the smart conservatives. But I'm not sure that's fair because they're only smart by comparison. George Will is probably about a hundred times smarter than Confederate Yankee and probably a thousand times smarter than Michelle Malkin.

But that's just not saying much.

"Dark Halls"

2008-02-22T11:17:00.000-08:00

ANOTHER IRRESISTIBLE TUNE

Some band called Au Revoir Simone.

Name sounds French, so they probably hate America. Personally I think if America doesn't like being hated, it shouldn't put half-witted worms in the White House.

The Wit and Wisdom of John Wayne

2008-02-20T22:01:00.000-08:00

IN WHICH WE - SIMULTANEOUSLY - MAKE FUN AND HONOR THE DUKE

John Wayne - the man - may have been a bit of a dick.

But John Wayne was more than a man. He was an actor, a movie star, an icon, a legend, a cowboy, a soldier, a sailor, a Marine and many other things.

He was also a bit of a philosopher, in his way.

I was watching "The Sands of Iwo Jima" today, and Wayne (as Sgt. Stryker) is pinned down with some of the other Marines on the beach at Tarawa. Bullets flying everywhere. Marines falling dead into the surf as they step out of the boats. Stryker is smoking a cigarette, and he looks like he's waiting in line at the ATM. The Marine next to him starts to freak out a little bit and says they should attack before they are killed where they sit. Stryker takes charge:

If you're nervous, count your toes. I'll do the masterminding around here.

Great line. I say it, and it sounds like I'm making fun of somebody. More like Jack Nicholson would say it. Wayne says it, and it's very reassuring.

He may have been a bit of a dick, but he was actually a pretty good actor. Whereas that Ronald Reagan fella was a mediocre hunk of beef whose worst movie was that really long one where he was president for eight years.

Who would you rather have a beer with?