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Friday, April 16, 2004

BEWARE OF THE TINY PERVERTED CREATURES THAT MAY BE INFESTING YOUR HOME! 

Small, almost microscopic animals are engaging in obscene and perverted sex acts in your home and, surprisingly, the government isn't doing anything about this gross affront to our God-fearing nation! Even though we can't see them, these little creatures are mating furiously in our midst and ... and ... doing things to each other that would make Clarence Thomas blush!

Among the mites known as Adactylidium, an impregnated female attaches itself to the egg of a thrip that will nourish her and her offspring while they perform their disgusting and obscene life ritual. (Note: The thrip is a real creature and not a Dr. Seuss-inspired beast.) Among her eggs, the female Adactylidium carries five to eight females and a single male. The eggs hatch within the female's body and feed on her remains for two days. While still within her body, the single male copulates with all the females - HIS SISTERS! - and dies within hours while his sisters run off to find a thrip egg to start the cycle all over again!

This immoral and obscene animal practices parental cannibalism, incest and underage sex on a regular basis! How can the government condone such a practice among any of nature's creatures? We demand that the government should halt all its various wars on terrorism, drugs, liberals and the environment to put a stop to Adactylidium and its perverted practices! If Adactylidium cannot be reformed, if they stubbornly adhere to these disgusting, pagan practices, then they must be exterminated to protect heterosexual marriage, which should only be between a male and a female Adactylidium that are not brother and sister and have not eaten their mother!

After all, think of the children!

Even more disgusting is the behaviour of Acarophenax tribolii, a related mite. The female, scandalously born pregnant, harbors 15 eggs, including a single male. They hatch within the mother and the depraved male seeks out and copulates with all his willing sisters! His mission in life ended, the male Acarophenax tribolii promptly dies before birth! (Probably with a big smile on his Acarophenax tribolii face.)

As well as the crimes of its wicked cousin, Acarophenax tribolii adds underage fetal sexual exploitation! Most shockingly, these practices are carried out with the supervision and approval of the mother!

What kind of a world do we live in where unrestrained "Mother Nature" allows such things to happen?! Where is the shock and outrage of the Bush Administration and their pious supporters? We would expect such neglect, and even tolerance, for such depravity from the Clinton Administration!

By ignoring the determined evil of Adactylidium and Acarophenax tribolii, the Bush Administration and Attorney General John Ashcroft are betraying the same good people who put them in office and have supported them all these years. If they do not start cracking down on the promiscuity of these dangerous mites - a threat to national decency that cannot be exaggerated - then the God-fearing people of this nation will be forced to shift their support to a more suitable candidate when the 2004 election comes around.

I wonder what Pat Robertson is doing for the next four years?

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