Friday, June 11, 2004
I don't really have a story for this. I just like the headline.
And just for the record, I'd vote for Reagan being more over-rated. I wish these people who want to put his smirking visage on the $10 bill and the dime would find something useful or necessary or rational to do with their time.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
(Simi Valley) - Mourners at the Ronald Reagan Library in Simi Valley were shocked and surprised when the recently deceased former president came in through the front door and started joking about his miraculous return.
"They didn't call me the 'Teflon president' for nothing," he quipped. "Even death doesn't stick."
Reagan, who claims he is now an Avenging Archangel, looked pretty good for a 93-year-old man who died three days ago. A fit and trim Reagan exuded a blinding, golden light and sported a new set of magnificent, white wings.
The congregated mourners fell to their knees to worship his radiant presence, but Reagan spurned the honor. "You don't have to get your pants dirty on account of me," he said.
When Reagan's wife Nancy tried to argue with him about the abundant praise, he knocked her senseless with a bolt of light. "I married you 'til death do us part," he said. "And I died three days ago. I didn't come back from the dead to deal with this bitch any more. If I see her again, I'll smite her good!"
After a nice dinner of jelly beans at Chasen's (which he supernaturally recreated just for the occasion), Reagan began a vigorous program of righteous smiting.
First, he smited liberal commentators Al Franken and Michael Moore for their lack of faith in the Bush Administration's War on the Middle Class. Then he smited Jello Biafra, Jane Fonda, Susan Sarandon and the Dixie Chicks.
"Who should I smite next?" Reagan asked. Vice president Richard Cheney suggested French president Jacques Chirac. Reagan, glowing radiantly and spreading his shining wings, prepared to fly to France to give Chirac a good smiting.
When someone suggested that the resurrected former president could smite Osama bin Laden or other terrorists instead, Reagan smited him. "I'll smite who I want to smite!" he said. "Nobody tells me who to smite! I should probably take care of the Anti-Christ next - Hillary Clinton!"
Republican leaders expressed no surprise that Reagan returned from the dead.
"I've been expecting it all along," Attorney General John Ashcroft said. "Now he can help us win the war against the greatest threats to American liberty - medical marijuana and gay marriage."
Monday, June 07, 2004
I'm sorry I haven't been blogging. There has been so much to write about, so many odd stories, underreported skullduggery by the Bush people, more atrocities in Iraq and the world at large. But I haven't had time! I am working at California State University, Northridge, in the San Fernando Valley, as a teaching assistant (for two classes) and working on a project about slavery. I enjoy my educational duties and I get paid for them. And I have to get through the summer while I finish my master's thesis.
But I couldn't let Ronald Reagan's death pass by without some comment. I'm not mourning his passing. Death comes to us all and many people who are much more deserving of tribute have died largely uncelebrated. Reagan is an icon to conservatives who lionize him far beyond his actual achievements. I have avoided watching the news because I can imagine that it is a nauseating sight to view all the Republican leaders falling all over themselves to see who can praise him the most and use his death to further their agendas in Iraq and in their decimation of the middle class.
I'm not rejoicing either. Reagan spent the last years of his life in an eternal fog, suffering from Alzheimer's. A tragic way to go. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, no matter how awful they might be. And Reagan, who I used to think was a particularly bad president, don't look too bad after three years of George W. Bush. Reagan was a puppet for the same people who pull George W. Bush's strings. But at least he wasn't an idiotic puppet.
To vilify Reagan would be misguided. Our anger should be aimed at the real culprits, the people who control the corporations and the mainstream media as they subtly shape our thoughts until we believe that day is night and night is day. And anyone who tries to say, No, day is day, and night is night, that person is a TRAITOR! And the terrorists have won!
So, Reagan was just a man, a man who was a particularly effective tool for the Republican Party. Unworthy of our praise, unworthy of our scorn.
But if I knew one of the Marines who was killed in Lebanon, or if I was Nicaraguan and my children had been killed by the contras, or if I was from El Salvador and my wife had been raped and killed by a government death squad, or if my mother or father had been killed in the Challenger explosion ...
I might feel differently.
Good night, Dutch. May your reward in the afterlife be gentler than any of us deserve.
Ronald Wilson Reagan (1911 - 2004)