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Thursday, April 22, 2004

GUEST COLUMN: YOU MIGHT BE A REPUBLICAN IF ... 

By Dan O'Sullivan
YOU MIGHT BE A REPUBLICAN IF…

You believe the government has absolutely no right to interfere with an individual’s privacy — except their sex life or their personal choice of artificial stimulant, of course.

You love guns, but you haven’t gotten around to joining one of the “well-regulated militias” that the Second Amendment was created to protect.

Your idea of ethnic diversity is a room full of white males running the country while the “WB” is on in the background.

You’re not an isolationist, but you think the U.S. might have been a little too interventionist in World War II.

“Pro-life” means that when a sniper is shooting at an abortion doctor, he should try not to kill the doctor's kids, if possible.

You believe that a president who goes to college overseas to avoid Vietnam is a coward, but a president who joins the National Guard to avoid Vietnam is a real patriot.

You think your child’s science teacher can get most of his lesson plans out of the King James version of the Bible.

The only evidence that convinces you that the Earth may be older than 6,000 years is the existence of Strom Thurmond.

You didn’t really experience the 1960s: you had the 1950s twice and skipped straight to the 1970s.

You still don’t realize that Rush Limbaugh really is a big fat idiot.

You would drill for oil in Eden.

You think there's something in the Constitution that protects your right to possess an AK-47.

You’ve always disparaged illegal immigration, while chastising your Ecuadorian nanny and your Mexican gardener for being late.

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