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Tuesday, April 06, 2004

A HOMELAND FOR MEL GIBSON 

(Editor's note: The following commentary was written the week before the opening of "The Passion of the Christ." The editorial staff at Mushtown Media Corp. decided that Mel Gibson is still an arrogant ass and that this opinion piece is still timely and should be seen by a larger audience.)

The definitive Jesus movie of Generation Z moved into theaters this week and I feel a little left out of all the controversy because I can’t get riled up by the violence (it’s impossible to have too much violence in the movies; violence is the whole point of cinema) or the allegations of anti-Semitism (not that anti-Semitism isn’t a reason for concern but plenty of people are more qualified than I to address this subject). Still, I have been following the media avalanche and I have noticed something that nobody else seems to have caught on to.

Mel Gibson is such an idiot.

Yeah, we knew he was an idiot, a homophobe and an arrogant ass, but who would have guessed he really could be that big an idiot?

I keep asking myself, did he really make the following comment with a straight face?

“I’m subjected to religious persecution, persecution as an artist, persecution as an American, persecution as a man.”

I would like to see Mel Gibson put his money where his big mouth is and offer up a SINGLE EXAMPLE of persecution for any of these four aspects of his arrogant, privileged life.

Persecution is being herded into a boxcar and shipped to a death camp in Poland.

Persecution is trying to learn in an inferior educational facility because of laws that segregate people based on the color of their skin.

Persecution is living on a poverty-stricken reservation after centuries of abuse and greed and the white man’s blatant violation of every treaty ever forced upon Native Americans.

Mel Gibson does not suffer persecution when a critic writes a bad review of one of his precious films.

It is also not persecution when poor Mel has to endure a little criticism for being an idiot and an arrogant asshole with a colossal ego.

If poor, poor Mel has been suffering “persecution” when somebody with a little perspective dares to suggest that he is not a great artist or a great prophet (and maybe that he might benefit from a little humility), then we will just have to find a new word to describe real “persecution,” you know, the kind where the subject is actually persecuted. The kind where persecution actually takes place.

I find it very hard to work up any tears for poor Mel Gibson.

But I am not a totally heartless creature. If Mel feels persecuted, then I suggest that the people of the world should start a movement to help him find a place where he can go and feel secure, a place to call home where he can be safe from persecution.

That’s right, we should all come together, evoking a global spirit of unity and peace, to find a homeland for Mel Gibson (and his family, if any of them actually want to go). Some place in Idaho or Montana where he can make friends with like-minded egotistical homophobes among the white supremacists and the polygamists.

Or some place in the South where his homophobia and his potential anti-Semitism won’t be out of place. There is even a little town in Mississippi, a little town with a lot of churches, called Port Gibson. We could set aside Port Gibson as a homeland for Mel and they wouldn’t even have to change the name.

And with any luck, the rest of us would be spared Mel’s whiny martyr complex.

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