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Sunday, April 25, 2004

SCIENTISTS ISOLATE BUSH-HATING GENE 

(Waco, Texas) - Scientists at the Center for Conservative Science have isolated the gene that causes liberalism and encourages a certain segment of the population to criticize George W. Bush and his administration's policies.

"We have been working on this for some time," said Hector Prevaricator, the director of the project. "We realized very early on that the Bush Administration is infallible. There was no way that Bush's critics could have had any problem with Bush's policies unless there was a genetic component."

"It explains a lot," said Fuzzy Thinker, Chairman of the Conservative Committee to Kill All Liberals. "We always suspected that there must be a gene that causes people to hate Bush. Now we've found it."

The finding has created a lot of controversy. The president immediately ordered the Justice Department to start rounding up liberal critics for genetic cleansing. "It's plain as day that this is the only way to save the country from terrorism," said John Ashcroft, Attorney General. "Liberals will be incarcerated and isolated from the public until we can figure out how to fix their bad genes. They will complain about their "rights," but we are at war and we have no choice. After their defective liberal genes have been fixed, they will understand."

No one else in the Bush Administration was available for comment as they were all on a duck-hunting trip in Mississippi.

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