Saturday, May 01, 2004
MMC EXCLUSIVE: EXCERPTS FROM BUSH AND CHENEY'S APPEARANCE BEFORE THE SEPT. 11 COMMISSION
EXPERTS SAY THEY MAY SOMEDAY BE AS FAMOUS AS LAUREL AND HARDY, BURNS AND ALLEN - OR EDGAR BERGEN AND CHARLIE McCARTHY
(The Mushtown Media Corp. has in its possession notes taken at the Sept. 11 Commission on the day that President George W. Bush and Vice president Richard Cheney performed. Scoffers can not deny that these are the actual transcripts because of the secrecy of the Bush Administration brought on by its insecurity and culpability.
Our sources say it is not true that Cheney held the president on his lap and stuck his arm under the back of the president's coat - it was more of a marionette arrangement.
The president's evasions, stuttering, bad grammar and mispronounciations have been edited for clarity and coherence.)
Commission: Now, Mr. President, where were you when you heard about the first attack on the WTC?
Bush: I was playing with my kitty. He's a nice orange kitty. His name is Mr. Mittens.
Cheney: Excuse me a minute, Mr. Traitor Commissioner.
(Bush and Cheney whisper conspiratorially. Bush keeps looking at the clock.)
Bush: Unky Richard says that I was where we've always said I was and that there's nothing suspicious in the way that everybody in the administration always answers a different question than the one that was asked.
Commission: Mr. President, Mr. President, please pay attention. We said we would be done before "The Power Rangers" comes on, so quit looking at the clock.
Bush: I like the Power Rangers. They hit things and beat up on monsters. Hee hee.
Commission: How did you react when you saw the Aug. 6 memo?
Bush: (blank stare)
Commission: The one that warned of an impending attack by Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda?
Bush: An attack? I thought it was just a joke by the bin Ladens. You know, my family has close ties with the bin Ladens. They're a bunch of jokers. What a bunch of jokers. Osama's brother gave me a kitty once. His name is Mr. Mittens.
(Bush and Cheney whisper conspiratorially.)
Cheney: All the warnings were too vague. There was absolutely nothing we could have done except blame Clinton.
Bush: Yep, they were pretty vague. For weeks, I thought Al Kida was a guy who works in the White House. He feeds my kitty.
Commission: Why did you to Crawford for three weeks, the longest presidential vacation in American history, at the end of the summer, just before the Sept. 11 attacks?
Bush: Hee hee. Hey, Unky Richard, isn't it funny that we say that Kerry is weak on defense when we were the ones totally asleep at the wheel before Sept. 11. I bet we'll get away with it, too.
Commission: Mr. President ...
Bush: Well, I had to stay at the ranch for such a long time because I was really tired from sitting in stupid cabinet meetings and listening to all this dumb stuff about terrorists and attacks and Al Kida (He feeds my kitty, Mr. Mittens) and all that stuff. When I said I wanted to attack Iraq, why didn't they just do it! I'm the president! Everybody loves me! It's just those poopy-headed, tree-hugging, terrorist-loving liberals that don't like me. They keep stirring everybody up and helping the terrorists.
Commission: Would you care to explain that?
Cheney: He doesn't have to explain anything! He's the president. He's too dumb to explain anything!
Bush: Yeah!
(Note to Bush-drones who think it's treason to criticize the president except when he is a Democrat: The preceding transcripts could be true. We don't know because no tape recordings or note-taking were allowed. There are a lot of things we don't know because this is the most secretive administration ever.
We would also like to know exactly how criticism and opposition to the Bush Administration helps the terrorists. Be specific, please. When the terrorists see the Bush Administration's heavy-handed, clumsy and oppressive attempts to silence or discredit its critics, the terrorists can clearly see how lame and paranoid - and weak - our current government is.
Allowing, accepting and embracing opposition demonstrates the strength of democracy and its freedoms, the very freedoms we are allegedly fighting for in Iraq since we found out they never harbored al Qaeda and never had any WMDs - except for the ones we brought with us to drop on Iraqi civilians.
What helps the terrorists? Corruption, greed and arrogance of a government run by oil executives. Their manipulation of the press to mislead the public and to encourage brave but misguided American youth to go to war. The people's deepening mistrust of a government that expresses its contempt for the common man with every utterance of doublespeak, every contradiction, every nonsensical rationalization.
We at MMC are sorry that many "conservatives" are upset that so many people make fun of the president. But don't blame us. Blame the president and his advisors for providing so much material on such a regular basis.)
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(The Mushtown Media Corp. has in its possession notes taken at the Sept. 11 Commission on the day that President George W. Bush and Vice president Richard Cheney performed. Scoffers can not deny that these are the actual transcripts because of the secrecy of the Bush Administration brought on by its insecurity and culpability.
Our sources say it is not true that Cheney held the president on his lap and stuck his arm under the back of the president's coat - it was more of a marionette arrangement.
The president's evasions, stuttering, bad grammar and mispronounciations have been edited for clarity and coherence.)
Commission: Now, Mr. President, where were you when you heard about the first attack on the WTC?
Bush: I was playing with my kitty. He's a nice orange kitty. His name is Mr. Mittens.
Cheney: Excuse me a minute, Mr. Traitor Commissioner.
(Bush and Cheney whisper conspiratorially. Bush keeps looking at the clock.)
Bush: Unky Richard says that I was where we've always said I was and that there's nothing suspicious in the way that everybody in the administration always answers a different question than the one that was asked.
Commission: Mr. President, Mr. President, please pay attention. We said we would be done before "The Power Rangers" comes on, so quit looking at the clock.
Bush: I like the Power Rangers. They hit things and beat up on monsters. Hee hee.
Commission: How did you react when you saw the Aug. 6 memo?
Bush: (blank stare)
Commission: The one that warned of an impending attack by Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda?
Bush: An attack? I thought it was just a joke by the bin Ladens. You know, my family has close ties with the bin Ladens. They're a bunch of jokers. What a bunch of jokers. Osama's brother gave me a kitty once. His name is Mr. Mittens.
(Bush and Cheney whisper conspiratorially.)
Cheney: All the warnings were too vague. There was absolutely nothing we could have done except blame Clinton.
Bush: Yep, they were pretty vague. For weeks, I thought Al Kida was a guy who works in the White House. He feeds my kitty.
Commission: Why did you to Crawford for three weeks, the longest presidential vacation in American history, at the end of the summer, just before the Sept. 11 attacks?
Bush: Hee hee. Hey, Unky Richard, isn't it funny that we say that Kerry is weak on defense when we were the ones totally asleep at the wheel before Sept. 11. I bet we'll get away with it, too.
Commission: Mr. President ...
Bush: Well, I had to stay at the ranch for such a long time because I was really tired from sitting in stupid cabinet meetings and listening to all this dumb stuff about terrorists and attacks and Al Kida (He feeds my kitty, Mr. Mittens) and all that stuff. When I said I wanted to attack Iraq, why didn't they just do it! I'm the president! Everybody loves me! It's just those poopy-headed, tree-hugging, terrorist-loving liberals that don't like me. They keep stirring everybody up and helping the terrorists.
Commission: Would you care to explain that?
Cheney: He doesn't have to explain anything! He's the president. He's too dumb to explain anything!
Bush: Yeah!
(Note to Bush-drones who think it's treason to criticize the president except when he is a Democrat: The preceding transcripts could be true. We don't know because no tape recordings or note-taking were allowed. There are a lot of things we don't know because this is the most secretive administration ever.
We would also like to know exactly how criticism and opposition to the Bush Administration helps the terrorists. Be specific, please. When the terrorists see the Bush Administration's heavy-handed, clumsy and oppressive attempts to silence or discredit its critics, the terrorists can clearly see how lame and paranoid - and weak - our current government is.
Allowing, accepting and embracing opposition demonstrates the strength of democracy and its freedoms, the very freedoms we are allegedly fighting for in Iraq since we found out they never harbored al Qaeda and never had any WMDs - except for the ones we brought with us to drop on Iraqi civilians.
What helps the terrorists? Corruption, greed and arrogance of a government run by oil executives. Their manipulation of the press to mislead the public and to encourage brave but misguided American youth to go to war. The people's deepening mistrust of a government that expresses its contempt for the common man with every utterance of doublespeak, every contradiction, every nonsensical rationalization.
We at MMC are sorry that many "conservatives" are upset that so many people make fun of the president. But don't blame us. Blame the president and his advisors for providing so much material on such a regular basis.)
