Monday, August 14, 2006


Before I start talking about Octopussy, I have a little "James Bond Extravaganva" business to get out of the way. First, after I review Octopussy, there are only six James Bond films left to review! Second, I found a video store not too far away that has Thunderball and On Her Majesty's Secret Service, so we will finally be seeing reviews for those two films. (I will be watching Thunderball in the next few days.)

Third, I forgot to mention that, yes, Moonraker is now the Official MMC Worst James Bond Film Ever!

So, now to Octopussy.

This is such a great movie! I saw it at the North Drive-In in Anderson, Indiana, in the summer of 1984, about a year after its initial release. A bunch of us sat in lawn chairs and drank beer next to the car, and we had a blast! (It was part of a triple feature.)

It's a strange one, despite being totally awesome! The villain is Louis Jordan as an exiled Afghan prince. He's so fucking French! Every time he says, "Octopussy," he says it in such a suggestive manner that you can't believe she doesn't slap him.

Maud Adams is just great as Octopussy. After her British father killed himself, she went to India and revived the octopus cult and established a sisterhood where rootless women from all over the world could come for peace, enlightenment and acobatic ninja training. She lives on a floating palace where she is attended by beautiful girls. Some of them wear silk and some of them wear superhero outfits and have names like Gwendolyn and Midge. She started out in smuggling and branched out into hotels, resorts, casinos and ... circuses.

And, in this movie, it all makes perfect sense, especially the way Maud Adams tells it. Don't contradict the lady, James!

The plot has something to do with a Faberge egg and a crazy Russian general who wants to invade West Germany, so he hides a nuclear bomb in the base of a circus cannon and sets it to blow up on a US army base. (It made sense last night. I'm not sure I didn't dream this.)

Along the way, Bond goes to India, where he plays the most exciting backgammon game of all time! Then, they have a cab chase through the streets of Delhi! Then, Louis Jordan and a whole pack of guys in turbans, ride on elephants and chase Bond through the jungle, where he is almost eaten by a tiger, a snake, a crocodile and a penguin! (I made up the penguin. But you believed it for a minute, didn't you!)

Then Bond goes to the floating palace and hangs out with Octopussy and it is totally awesome! Then they go to Germany and there is a long segment where Bond is dressed as a knife thrower and he fights with some guys running on the top of the circus train! And he almost falls off! But he doesn't! And he almost gets it a bunch of times! Eek! I can't stand it!

Then, at the end, 007 has to dress up as a clown in order to get into the circus and defuse the bomb! But the base security is on to him! And he barely gets to the bomb in time but he manages to stop the NUCLER EXPLOSION with ZERO POINT ZERO SECONDS LEFT! Whew!

Oh my God! There's more? Yes, there is, and it's almost as cool as James Bond dressed as a clown defusing a nuclear bomb. We go back to India, and Octopussy and her many feminine minions attack Louis Jordan's castle! But he escapes on a horse and then he gets in a plane with Octopussy as his captive! But Bond grabs onto the plane as it takes off, fights his way into the cockpit and SAVES THE DAY!

Wow, I love this movie. It's a unique Bond film, and it's also a hell of a lot of fun. Maud Adams, Roger Moore (this is a James Bond who LOVES being James Bond), a tiger hunt, 007 in a clown suit, a fight on a circus train ... and a penguin!

Who could ask for anything more?


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