Thursday, January 10, 2008

Gulf of Tonkin revisited 

Just so you know, the Republicans are looking out for us. The wars on Iraq and Afghanistan have been carried out with such speed and efficiency that they are both winding down after only a matter of months. Unfortunately, that means that a lot of conservatives who support the war may not get to see as many dead Americans as they wanted. And those conservatives who dragged their heels and didn't enlist - for very good reasons, I'm sure - may not get a chance to help in the fight in the War on Islam.

But the Republicans are aware of the problem and, bless 'em, they are working for YOU to make sure that there will always be war with Islam somewhere. So, emulating Lyndon Johnson - who should be made an honorary Republican for his role in ramping up American involvement in Vietnam - the Bush Administration may have tried to create a Gulf of Tonkin incident involving a speedboat in the Straits of Hormuz.

Discussion is here, and it includes the video of the incident, along with the laughable voice-over.

George W. Bush is no Lyndon Johnson, but the people who support Bush are much stupider than the people who supported Johnson. (And the number of people who support Bush has gotten smaller and smaller, and stupider and stupider.) So Bush can be given a pass for how transparent this incident is.

His heart was in the right place.

Note: For my conservative readers who don't know about the Gulf of Tonkin, I have provided a link to Wikipedia.

Update: Found another link on the subject.


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

New Hampshire - Everybody wins! 

The primary season is well upon us and all Americans can take comfort that our political system, blessed by God, the best system in all Creation, seems to bring out the best in everyone as a sunny optimism shines forth from those Beltway pundits who represent our country's wisest sages.

Oh, sure there may be a few harsh words here and there, spoken in anger by unserious people like Alan Colmes. But overall the spirit of the primaries is one of good comradely competition. (After all, do we really want a president who won't fight just because the odds look bad? (Giuliani, of course, gets a pass for skipping Iowa because he single-handedly stopped the terrorists in New York on 9-11. Just ask him.))

It's like this: The primaries aren't necessarily about winning. They are also a time of learning, a time of growth, a trial by fire. Kind of like summer camp for political hacks who want to be presidential candidates.

Hope springs eternal in the heart of every presidential hopeful and his (or her!) supporters. And it is a testament to the positive and enterprising spirit that makes us all proud Americans that everyone is carefully examining the results of the early primaries, cherishing their victories, learning from their mistakes and finding something positive to say about even the most dispiriting of results.

And it's easy to see that everybody won in New Hampshire!

Yes, it's true. Only the most negative of the nattering nabobs can fail to find something positive to say about the candidates and their early primary experiences.

Mike Huckabee's impressive finish in Iowa tells us that some Republicans are serious about religion and will vote for the candidate who is brave enough to raise his hand in public and admit that he thinks God is too dumb to come up with evolution.

Sen. Barrack Hussein Obama's success in Iowa proves that racism is dead, and the only hate crimes in America today are those committed by those secular humanists who say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas."

Sen. John McCain has shown that he is not too old to take on a difficult campaign, wander around Iowa and New Hampshire, and rant like a crazy person about America's thousand-year crusade in the Middle East.

Sen. Hillary Clinton did not do well in Iowa, and that gave the pundits the chance to say that America is tired of what Hillary has to offer. Then she won in New Hampshire and became inevitable again. Hillary's changing fortunes have given all of the pundits a chance to be right, many of them more than once, as they change their reasoning to conform with day-by-day reality. This helps the pundits' self-esteem and, as most of them are generally very defensive about being wrong all the time, making them feel good about themselves is an important result all by itself.

Mitt Romney may not have performed as well as expected in Iowa, but he learned some important lessons. Money can't buy happiness, but it will buy Wyoming. He has also learned that he can make a 180-degree turn on a number of issues and not be called a flip-flopper, because he is a Republican. (I am especially unhappy with his current stance on anchor babies. You say he changed his mind? Go, Mitt!)

John Edwards, despite the season's most blatant scandals involving the shocking revelation that he is a lawyer with a big house who gets expensive haircuts, is still doing much better than expected, proving that the decadent Democrats aren't the least bit interested in the issues that matter.

Rudy Giuliani has, um, well, I can't think of a way to find a silver lining in his early showings. I'll call his campaign and see how they're spinning it and get back to you.

Joe Biden retains his title as the most famous person from Delaware.

Fred Thompson, voted Most Likely to Fall Asleep on Your Couch, has learned a valuable lesson. It's not a good thing to be voted most likely to fall asleep on the couch. And as soon as his nap is over, he'll be rested and ready to do something about it.

Rep. Dennis Kucinich will get to spend more time with his wife.

Ron Paul has learned the important lesson that his supporters are so crazy that they think his 10 percent showing in Iowa makes him viable. And they will keep sending him money.

Sen. Chris Dodd got to spend a very nice holiday with his family in Iowa.

Rep. Duncan Hunter may never be president, but he impressed Huckabee enough to be named as a likely candidate for Secretary of Defense, narrowly beating out Chuck Norris.

Mike Gravel has demonstrated that he has fire in the belly by his fierce vow to beat "Uncommitted" in the next primary.

Giuliani's campaign got back to me. They said, "9-11."


Tuesday, January 08, 2008

That nice Ron Paul? He's not a racist. He's just misunderstood ... 

I know a few too many otherwise sane people who are thinking that Ron Paul may be the answer to our problems. Me, I think he's a racist. Why do I think that? It must be the effect of the Liberal Media(TM), (which is pretty much ignoring Ron Paul's racist past at about the same rate they are ignoring Ron Paul).

Came across this today:

"Angry White Man: The bigoted past of Ron Paul

and this:

"Selections From Ron Paul's Newsletters

and here's some more discussion of the issue:

"Ron Paul's Racist Newsletters Revealed"

You can call it what you want. Propaganda. Smears. Lies. The past.

I call it evidence.


Jonah Goldberg's little book is now on sale! 

And, if "selling like hotcakes" means that conservative think tanks are buying it in bulk to boost early sales and artificially push it onto the best-seller lists, then "Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, from Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning" is selling like hotcakes!

David Niewart's review at The American Prospect is titled Jonah Goldberg's Bizarro History. Niewart is being kind of mean, ridiculing poor Jonah's stupidity and dishonesty when all poor Jonah did was compare liberals to Mussolini and the Nazis.

You're a mean man, Niewart! You should be more politically correct and consider the feelings of these ill-informed conservatives! This is America! Every American has the right to voice his ill-informed opinion if it has been approved by the White House press office!


Sunday, January 06, 2008

A nine-year-old reports on last night's Republican debate 

This is funny.


I, the Audience: Joan Woodbury 

Joan Woodbury. Nobody knows who she is nowadays, and she was never a big star, but she made a lot of low-budget movies in the 1930s and 1940s. She's great. I first took notice of her in "A Yank in Libya," a not-very -good movie that I reviewed back in March in these terms:

The next time I hear someone disparaging old movies as "stupid" and "boring," I'll wonder if they saw "A Yank in Libya."

Joan Woodbury was described as "very cute." I looked her up on the Internet Movie Database and I was surprised to find that she's in "The Bride of Frankenstein," "The Chinese Cat," "The Rogue's Tavern," "Algiers" and "King of the Zombies," all of which I had seen. It had been some time since I'd seen some of these movies, and Joan Woodbury has a very small role in "Bride of Frankenstein." (She's the little queen in Dr. Pretorious' little menagerie.) But "The Chinese Cat" is a Charlie Chan movie that I have on DVD and I've watched it a bunch of times.

Whatever. For some reason, I noticed her in "A Yank in Libya." And I now look for movies with Joan Woodbury. Here are the Joan Woodbury films I've seen since "A Yank in Libya":


This is pretty awesome. I don't remember why. The murder is committed in a witness room, right under the noses of the cops and all the guys in the D.A.'s office. Ricardo Cortez is the assistant D.A. or something and he has to solve the murder or his career is over. Joan Woodbury is the girl reporter. It's great because it makes no sense, lots of running around on all the same sets they used for all those Monogram movies starring Bela Lugosi.

Highly recommended for all you crazy people who like this sort of thing.



There's this rich guy who gets kidnapped, but then he shows up a few days later in some sort of weird zombie trance that modern medical science can't figure out. And a whole mansion full of relatives and acquaintances who might be up to something. Scheming second wife. Resentful daughter. Her boyfriend. Business partner. Friend of the family. Crazy psychic sister. (Joan Woodbury is trance guy's secretary.)

They bring in a retired private investigator to solve the case. The first order of business is for the detective and Joan Woodbury to start a love/hate relationship.

Well, why not? They hate each other. They love each other. They have adventures. They find bodies. They get locked in a basement. They solve the mystery. They get married.

It's perfectly natural.

(This, by the way, is one of the many, many movies directed by William "One-Shot" Beaudine, probably most famous for "Billy the Kid vs. Dracula" and "Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter.")

Not bad. Kind of fun. Never boring.


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